I think that every week I’m going to start with a random fact about me. It’s totally narcissistic and self-indulgent, but I will try to keep it entertaining. So here it is: I’m not one of those people that will ever end up with one of those hideous Family Stickers on their back windshield. It’s just not me. I imagine if they were to design a mom-type-scenario that really represented what I’ve got going on, it would come out looking something like this:

Until that little gem of a design is available, my rear window will remain as it is, dirty and sticker-less.

Anyway, on to our post. I live in a two-bedroom apartment. I would say it’s about 1200 square feet. Our dining room area is quite close to my daughter’s bedroom. When she was an infant we played music in her room when she slept. We popped our iPod into a speaker system and she would drift away to the likes of Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Pink Floyd and many more. She currently enjoys Madonna (the early years), some old school Rick Springfield and The Boss. What can I say, the kid’s got an old (music) soul.

As an infant she was a deep sleeper, but as she grew older, things changed and the music was something she would sing along with, rather than fall asleep to. It was time for a change. A sound machine replaced the iPod almost immediately. Every night we put it on the white noise setting. Nine out of ten people that I have come across hate the sound of it and think we’re idiots for using it. However, I can have 25 people in my apartment playing poker, singing their hearts out while playing American Idol on Wii while my daughter is sound asleep just 30 feet away. She has never been woken up by noise. The sound machine provides a noise-controlled environment, while affording us the luxury of not having to whisper, or even worse, shush our friends.

Don’t get me wrong. I know how stressful it can be to get your kid to sleep, and keep them asleep. And I have definitely thrown a shush or two out there. But the one thing I have learned is that if you stop living your life during the hours they sleep you’re not only ruining your own free time, but that of the people that may be visiting your home.

There is nothing worse than being shushed the minute you walk into someone’s house because their baby’s sleeping. I get it, the kid’s asleep, you want them to stay asleep. But the reality is, at some point they will have to adjust to sleeping in noisy areas. Prepare them now. Or at least try. Or at the very least, don’t invite friends over when you know the kid is going to be asleep. It’s uncomfortable for company. I have learned this as a visitor and as a parent doing the shushing. I have seen the discomfort on my friends’ faces. It sucks. And I guarantee you that when your company leaves, the first thing out of their mouths is going to be, “Ugh, that was so annoying, if she fucking shushed me one more time…” I know this because I’ve said it! I’ve witnessed other people saying it. It’s a very common conversation. In fact, I’m sure many of you reading this are cursing me because you do it, or have done it.

Do yourselves a favor and get your kid used to sleeping with some kind of noise. Instead of saying, “Shhhh the baby’s asleep,” you should be yelling, “Grab me a beer, the kid’s asleep!” There’s nothing wrong with a nap time cocktail. You’ve earned it moms. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

And to answer the question I know will be coming my way: No, she does not need the sound machine to fall asleep everywhere we go. She will fall asleep just as easily without it. In fact, I often forget to turn it on in her room and she couldn’t care less. So there, my evil plan worked.

Those are my pearls of wisdom for the week. Let’s hear your opinions because I know you all have something to say on the subject. Bring it on.

Going Parental appears every Thursday. Yeah, you’re welcome.

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