Cremation instead of burial? An internal debate about my final resting place
A while back I wrote about organ donation; but what happens after that part is sorted? And I am not talking about the spiritual, but the physical. If I don’t make sure that my preferences are known then I will be stuck in the ground with some (relatively) pretty stone indicating my born-on and deceased dates. I have two issues here, 1) I think I may want to be cremated because I don’t like the thought of bugs crawling through my eye sockets (even if I am dead) and 2) All of the cemeteries I have been to are crammed together with a bunch of dead people.
Well of course there are a bunch of dead people… and of course there are bugs crawling through your eye sockets, that’s what happens. But how can someone come visit me and be happy to see me (or remember me) when they know all of this is going on just six feet below where they are standing? I want the people that visit me to be able to do so in a happy place. Plus, a cemetery plot is just something else that someone will need to be responsible for, because even plots paid for in perpetuity have overgrown hedges! A friend last night told me she thinks that maybe it will be comforting for my loved ones to have a place to visit. To pay their respects. Maybe? And I guess I wouldn’t want to deny my loved ones that comfort. But I know a lot of people with relatives who have passed on and they struggle to get to the cemetery even once a year. And what if my family decides to move to a different town? It’s not like they are taking me with them.
I am going to visit my grandmother’s plot this weekend. We were extremely close and although it was her time to pass, I think about her and miss her often. She died in December 2006. Her cemetery is an 80 minute car ride away. This is the first time I will be back since her burial. Maybe I would visit more if she was closer… I really don’t know. But I feel guilty for not going there more often and I don’t want my family members to feel that guilt. Maybe they can just put a small portrait of me in their homes? Is that asking too much? As for my remains, I am conflicted about what I truly want. Maybe my ashes can be kept in a sealed container somewhere in a relative’s house; I don’t need a mantle. But this way I won’t miss out on all of the family parties.
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I struggled with a similar issue until I heard about programs that shoot cremated remains into space. In all seriousness, I was sold instantly. In fact I want my remains separated into two capsules, which last I checked were about the size of a lipstick tube and contain several ounces of ash. Ideally, one capsule will be shot into deep space to explore the galaxy. The second will be shot into the sun so I can observe the solar system with a relatively mild time delay. I am also requesting stickers adorn the capsules: safari hats and hiking boots on the explorer capsule, and sunglasses on the second.
Really? Space? What will they do with the rest of your remains? Two capsules the size of lipstick tubes will leave a lot of ashes over.. where will they go?
It’s odd, but I think once you’ve made a decision, the relief spills over into the rest of your life.
I’m very fortunate–family has a cemetery on our private property, which my father cleaned up (it had been abandoned), fenced, landscapes. The first person buried there in over a century was my Grandfather last year. Now we’re all going to follow. My DH and I live 7 hrs away and have lived all over the country. We may move again some day–but at least one piece of real estate is guaranteed!
I’m going for burial b/c cremation seems so permanent (and how illogical is that?) I want a pine coffin, no vault, because I want the worms to get their job done quickly (and anaerobic decomp is so disgusting). And I like skeletons.
Monument: A stone picnic table. If I want you to come hang out with me, I figure I’ve got to make it convenient!
Now here’s hoping I’ve got a few decades to change my mind.
Depends on your age and who you are leaving behind. My wife passed away in 2006, she was only 34 years old. My daughter was 3 at the time and I think the cemetery is and will be a place for her to go as she grows and wants to talk to her mother. We live in North Carolina and Lisa is buried in New York, when we come up for visits we go to the cemetery for a visit, she looks forward to going and often makes pictures for her.
Now for myself if my daughter reaches the age of at least 18 before i kick the bucket I will be cremated. I see no reason to be buried, you don’t need to have a place to remembered or to be thought about. So ashes it is, just pour my ashes is in a nice place just make sure your not down wind it could get messy. lol
After visiting my great-grandparents, great uncles, both sets of grandparents, my cousin and husband in the cemetery over Memorial Day, it just confirms my belief that cremation is the way to go. They are all in the same “perpetual care” cemetery, and believe me, some of the graves need major work. I think of all of them often, and don’t have to go to the cemetery to have a conversation with any of them. My father was cremated and some of his ashes we spread in my backyard along with other places he requested. It’s so much easier to light a candle or look at their photo than go and see how badly the “perpetual caregivers” take care of our loved ones.
buried – yuch – seen actual pictures of opened caskets i will be cremated – there is no doubt about it
I had this conversation with my husband. I asked him what’d he prefer if I was to go first…what would be easier on him. He thinks cremation and I agree.
I grew up Catholic believing cremation was equal to burning in hell. But I don’t see it that way anymore.
Also, my mom lost a child during childbirth that his little burial plot is on a little island in the Pacific that is never visited. It has a broken headstone and really, it’s just sad that it’s so far away. It’s almost as if he’s been “left behind”.
Plus, I’d want my ashes scattered somewhere. Maybe hike up to a mountain and just let them go. I don’t need to sit on a mantle somewhere.
This is something that I am considering. I have been pretty useless in life…so I might as well be useful in death.
http://web.utk.edu/~fac/donation.shtml