Bernie Madoff’s top ten excuses

Bernie Madoff’s top ten excuses

Posted on February 16th, 2009 by Bob Sullivan

10. Wanted to prove that the Securities and Exchange Commission is a friggin’ joke.

9. Thinks them there ankle bracelets look really cool.

8. Knew he’d never get hard time, due to corrupting influence on other prisoners.

7. After seeing The Green Mile, thought prison would be kinda neat.

6. Wanted to devise intricate plan to see if his sons could keep a secret.

5. Always hoped to immortalize the family name.

4. Likes “Knock knock” jokes that end “Made-off…with 50 billion!”

3. All that financial stuff is way too confusing.

2. Believed going billions of dollars into debt would make him eligible for government work.

1. Thought a Ponzi scheme had something to do with the TV show Happy Days.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.