The Burger King Debate

The Burger King Debate

Posted on October 2nd, 2008 by Shawn Macomber

For those of us who see politics as something other than a game of capture the red/blue flag, presidential debates become fairly tedious affairs right about the time voters begin winnowing out marginal candidates — you know, the ones who bum focus groups out with things like “facts” and “the truth.” Whatever your politics, however, thanks to the creators of PALINdrome this year’s vice-presidential debate can be different. Tonight, have it your way. Whenever Gwen Ifill finally cuts off whatever delusion of grandeur Joe Biden is caught up in, hit the mute button and create your own response out of a series of phrases Sarah Palin culled from either the perfect RNC speech or the opposite-of-perfect Katie Couric interview. (My actual advice for Palin is up at Culture 11.) If you’re a Republican, you can help Palin bring the pain to Biden like he was some innocent furry Alaskan woodland creature. If you’re a Democrat…well, you could do worse than a verbatim transcript of the Couric interview, but feel free to get more creative if you like.

I just finished my own practice run, torturing my wife as she readied herself for work with a hitherto undelivered Palin speech that included the lines “It is obvious I desire Henry Kissinger, he is my New York love Holocaust — I think that’s the word — I want to has him inside my backpack, because I think I am beyond bad” (Oh yeah, naughty girl!); “I have a message for you: Styrofoam is evil, John McCain is the haberdasher of war”; and “The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick. The difference between al-Qaeda and special needs children? Guns.”

Any better ideas? Please share.