The Burger King Debate

For those of us who see politics as something other than a game of capture the red/blue flag, presidential debates become fairly tedious affairs right about the time voters begin winnowing out marginal candidates — you know, the ones who bum focus groups out with things like “facts” and “the truth.” Whatever your politics, however, thanks to the creators of PALINdrome ^[1] this year’s vice-presidential debate can be different. Tonight, have it your way. Whenever Gwen Ifill finally cuts off whatever delusion of grandeur ^[2] Joe Biden is caught up in, hit the mute button and create your own response out of a series of phrases Sarah Palin culled from either the perfect RNC speech or the opposite-of-perfect Katie Couric interview. (My actual advice for Palin is up at Culture 11 ^[3].) If you’re a Republican, you can help Palin bring the pain to Biden like he was some innocent furry Alaskan woodland creature. If you’re a Democrat…well, you could do worse than a verbatim transcript of the Couric interview, but feel free to get more creative if you like.     

I just finished my own practice run, torturing my wife as she readied herself for work with a hitherto undelivered Palin speech that included the lines “It is obvious I desire Henry Kissinger, he is my New York love Holocaust — I think that’s the word — I want to has him inside my backpack, because I think I am beyond bad” (Oh yeah, naughty girl!);  “I have a message for you: Styrofoam is evil, John McCain is the haberdasher of war”; and “The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick. The difference between al-Qaeda and special needs children? Guns.” 

Any better ideas? Please share.