Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingends & odd

Top ten pun-liners: The sequel to the sequel

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10. When I popped into the bar and tried to open a ‘Transvestite Account,’ the first thing they did was ask me to provide proof of a dress.

9. The people who talked about me behind my back discussed me.

8. My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door, and now the company’s gone into liquidation.

7. When vandals destroyed all the road signs in our town, they really pulled out all the stops!

6. I think the highlight of my life must’ve been reaching the summit on Mount Everest, because it’s all been downhill from there.

5. I entered a swimming contest and won the 100-meter butterfly – but what the hell am I supposed to do with an insect that big?!

4. My hamster died from lack of exercise, so I don’t think he had the wheel to live.

3. Ahhhh, return flights, they really take me back.

2. Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

1. I miss my umbilical cord, because I grew attached to it.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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