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Top ten answers to the question, “How cold is it?”

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10. “It’s so cold, your car won’t start running and your nose won’t stop.”

9. “It’s so cold, my aunt accidentally tripped and keyed someone’s car with her nipple.”

8. “It’s so cold, you leave your freezer door open to help warm up the house.”

7. “It’s so cold, throwing a snowball is legally classified as ‘assault with a deadly weapon’.”

6. “It’s so cold, you have trouble jump-starting your penguin.”

5. “It’s so cold, my snowman got frostbite.”

4. “It’s so cold, I chipped a tooth on my soup.”

3. “It’s so cold, a big-rig driver from Alabama froze off his truck nuts.”

2. “It’s so cold, someone stole your aquarium’s four glass sides…and no one has noticed yet.”

1. “It’s so cold, Hell actually froze over — which helps explain Trump becoming President.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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