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Top ten Donald Trump epic fails

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10. Trump Steak. On March 8, 2016, Donald Trump arranged a display table covered with steaks, bottles of wine and water, and a magazine, to show just a few of his many successes, countering what Mitt Romney had said about his businesses. But nowadays, there is no such thing as Trump Steak. There used to be, in 2007, when they were sold through the Sharper Image catalogue, but they were discontinued because, according to Sharper Image’s then CEO, “We literally sold almost no steaks.” Ironically, the steaks on his table bore the logo “Bush Brothers.”

9. Trump Wine and Trump Water. Despite his assurance at his press conference that Trump Wine is “the largest winery on the East Coast, I own it 100% – no mortgage, no debt – you can all check, you have to go check the record, folks – in fact, the press, I’m asking you please check,” when the press checked, they found the website for Trump Wine stated, “Trump Winery is a registered trade name of Eric Trump Wine Manufacturing LLC, which is not owned, managed or affiliated with Donald J. Trump, The Trump Organization or any of their affiliates.” The bottled water is nothing more than generic water with Trump’s name slapped on it.

8. Trump World Magazine. This magazine, which came out four times a year beginning in 2007, was never a big money maker, and its publisher, Niche Media, pulled the plug in 2009. What he held up was an annual brochure called The Jewel of Palm Beach that promotes some of his properties.

7. Trump Airlines. This company lasted from 1989 to 1992, and never turned a profit. The business defaulted and was sold off.

6. Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino and Trump Taj Mahal. Trump’s hotel and casino businesses have declared bankruptcy five times between 1991 and 2014. On July 12, 2014, it was reported that the Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino would close on September 16, 2014, if a buyer was not found, putting an estimated 1,000 employees out of work. It closed permanently right on schedule. In February 2016, Carl Icahn bought the Trump Taj Mahal, allowing it to exit from Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

5. Trump University. Trump launched Trump University – a series of seminars in hotel ballrooms – in 2005, allegedly to help budding real estate entrepreneurs. New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman is suing Trump, claiming that Trump and his associates defrauded students of a collective $40 million. The lawsuit claims the school operated without a license, and kept its name for years despite warnings over the past decade from the New York State Education Department that it was against the law to refer to the program as a university since it was not chartered as such, the program referred to staff members as faculty, participants as students and then graduates, the coursework as a curriculum, and payments as tuition, even offering postgraduate and doctorate programs, and handing out diploma-like certificates with Trump’s signature at the bottom. In an infomercial Trump claimed to have “handpicked” Trump University’s instructors, but in a 2012 deposition he admitted that he never selected any of the instructors. Many instructors came from jobs having little to do with real estate investment and, according to the lawsuit, “Some came shortly after their real estate investing caused them to go into bankruptcy.” In 2014, The Atlantic uncovered a 41-page “Private & Confidential” playbook printed on Trump University letterhead, which make it obvious the seminars were nothing more than sales events. Page 23 contains the exhortation “Sell, Sell, Sell!” and sets a minimum sales goal of $72,500 per seminar. Staffers were told to “Set the hook,” to convince attendees to sign up for three-day seminars costing $1,495, then increasingly costly additional courses, culminating in the Trump Gold Elite package, costing $34,995. If a member of the media approached, staffers were instructed not to talk to them under any circumstances. Most universities have admission standards and Trump U. was no exception; the playbook spells out the one essential qualification: “ALL PAYMENTS MUST BE RECEIVED IN FULL.”

4. The Rest of the World. Mexico is our third largest trading partner, after Canada and China, and Trump began his campaign by stating, “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.” Then he promised to deploy a deportation force to round up and deport 11 million undocumented immigrants, and to build a wall 35 to 90 feet tall, and make Mexico pay for it. Followed by his stated desire to ban all 1.6 billion Muslims from entering the United States in the first place, and to illegally kill the family members of terrorists. Trump complains, “The stuff that’s been sent over from China falls apart after a year and a half. It’s crap” – even though the clothes bearing his name are manufactured in China, Mexico, and Bangladesh. He accuses China of manipulating its currency to steal U.S. jobs, pledges to “beat China” at international trade, and occasionally puts on a “funny” accent to mock the way Asians speak English (his supporters finds this hilarious). He’s claimed, “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” Britain’s Economist Intelligence Unit has warned that a Donald Trump presidency could have a dangerous impact on the world economy, increasing the potential of Islamic terror attacks and of a trade war with Mexico and China.

3. Women. Trump left his first wife to marry his mistress, and is now on wife number three. Trump has referred to Rosie O’Donnell as a “degenerate,” a “slob,” a “disgusting pig,” and “an animal,” with a “fat ugly face.” He described Huffington Post editor Arianna Huffington as “a dog” who is “ugly both inside and out.” He said of Bette Midler, “Whenever she sees me, she kisses my ass. She’s disgusting.” He wrote that New York Times columnist Gail Collins has “the face of a dog!” When Megyn Kelly called him on some of these comments, he later said of her, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.” But he has nice things to say about at least one woman: “My daughter Ivanka does have the best body. She’s really something; what a beauty, that one. If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father…”

2. Handling of Protesters. The handling of protesters at Donald Trump rallies has Trump defending himself with lines like, “I’m a peace-loving person, folks. We love peace, we all love peace. There’s no violence; there’s a love fest; these are love fests” and “I certainly don’t incite violence and I don’t condone violence and I don’t talk about violence.” Of course, this is all belied by quotes such as, “There are no consequences to protesting anymore. There used to be consequences. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks” and “He’s walking out like big high fives, smiling, laughing. I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell you” and “Part of the problem is nobody wants to hurt each other anymore” and “Get him out. Try not to hurt him. If you do, I’ll defend you in court” and “If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Just knock the hell – I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees, I promise.” At least on this last point (only), Trump seems to be true to his word. As Black protester Rakeem Jones was being escorted out of a Trump rally, 78-year-old John McGraw, wearing a cowboy hat, black vest, and ponytail, sucker-punched Jones in the face with his elbow, leading police to tackle to the floor the guy who got punched. Questioned later, rather than showing any remorse, McGraw said the next time he saw Jones he “might have to kill him.” Instead of expressing any sympathy for Jones, Trump said McGraw “obviously loves his country,” adding that he would be looking into paying McGraw’s legal fees.

1. The United States. If Trump ever becomes President.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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