Bob Sullivan's top ten everythingsports

Top ten things overheard by Russian microphones at Sochi

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10. “That’s the gayest opening ceremony I’ve ever seen!”

9. “I guess they’ll be taking Shaun White’s picture off all those gum packages now.”

8. “Man, the drinking water’s the same color, whether it’s going in or out of my body.”

7. “That woman curler gives great broom!”

6. “I said I’m a ‘biathlete’, not a ‘bi athlete’!”

5. “I haven’t seen this much slush since that explosion at the Icee factory.”

4. “Do you have a door knob on your side?!!”

3. “I just borrowed that guy’s ChapStick, then realized it was Bob Costas.”

2. “Why would President Putin ask me to oil up his bare chest?”

1. “Is that a microphone?”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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