Bob Sullivan's top ten everythinggetting older

Top ten signs you’re too old to be trick-or-treating

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10. You’re winded, and you haven’t even reached the end of your own driveway yet

9. You accidentally took a Skittle instead of your statin medication

8. After every other house, you have to go home for a pee

7. People keep saying, “Great Betty White mask!” – and you’re not wearing one

6. You’re continually removing your dentures so you can scrape off the caramel

5. You can remember back to your first Halloween, when all the witches were burned

4. You’re continually knocking on your own front door

3. Instead of a candy bar, you ask if they have any adult diapers

2. When people open the door, instead of saying “Trick or treat,” you look confused, then start singing Good King Wenceslas

1. You keep seeing someone dressed up as the Grim Reaper – and you’re the only one who can see him

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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