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Top ten things Mitt Romney is doing these days

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10. Driving to Burger King so he can wear that cardboard crown for awhile

9. Making plans for a Caribbean vacation to visit his money

8. Lying to Ann, Taggart, Matthew, Joshua, Benjamin, and Craig, just to keep in practice

7. Playing Monopoly

6. Trying to coax his dog out from under the bed for the family’s annual car trip

5. Blaming the world’s ills on the “takers” who “want stuff,” like food and housing

4. Participating in homoerotic wrestling matches with Paul Ryan

3. E-mailing the Republican National Committee that, if their strategy is to find someone for 2016 who is the 180-degree polar opposite of Romney, he could fill the bill, no problem!

2. Hand washing the skid marks out of his magic underwear

1. Thanking his lucky stars he didn’t win the Presidency, because he really didn’t want to have to move into a smaller house
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.
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