Top ten signs your play isn’t going to receive a Tony Award

Top ten signs your play isn’t going to receive a Tony Award

Posted on June 4th, 2012 by Bob Sullivan

10. Trying to cash in on jukebox musicals like Mamma Mia and Rock of Ages, your new musical is called Menudo

9. No elementary-school-level play has ever won the top prize before

8. It’s called You’re a Good Man, Charlie Sheen

7. All the dialogue was translated into Lithuanian, because it lost something in the original

6. The marquee reads “Johnny Knoxville is Willie Loman”

5. Your idea for an ‘all mime’ production of My Dinner with Andre never really worked

4. When the premiere ended, the audience shouted “Author! Author!” while boiling tar and stirring in feathers

3. Your play is the first pro-Catholic pornographic musical – and they’ve already honored The Book of Mormon

2. The Tony Awards Management Committee has a photo of you on its wall with a bull’s-eye drawn on it

1. You unwisely named your production Theater Closed for Renovations

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.