10. “Run for your lives! The electric carving knife has a mind of its own!”

9. “I didn’t have to stuff the turkey; it wasn’t hollow!”

8. “John, when you said you were bringing your new soulmate, Terry, we just assumed she was female.”

7. “It takes me a whole friggin’ year to forget how much I hate each and every one of you!”

6. “I realize it’s called that by some people, but can’t you just call it ‘white meat’?”

5. “Sorry about the pies. One’s pumpkin and one’s mincemeat, but don’t ask me which is which.”

4. “Yeah, my flat screen TV’s busted….Hey! Where ya goin’? We haven’t had dinner yet!”

3. “9-1-1? How do you get someone out of a tryptophan-induced coma?”

2. “Me? I’m thankful Thanksgiving just comes once a year!”

1. “You ate so much turkey, your belly button just popped like one o’ them Butterball thermometers!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.

Latest posts by Bob Sullivan (Posts)

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• Top ten more alcohol one-liners - April 16, 2018
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• Top ten revelations in the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview - April 2, 2018

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