10. Your “dust bunnies” have all been devoured by “dust ferrets”

9. Mickey Rourke thinks your place looks “nasty”

8. The Health Department has declared your living room eligible for FEMA funds

7. After a mudslide swept through your house, it actually looked better

6. The “lace curtains” seem to be catching an unusually large number of flies

5. Your place received The Good Housekeeping Seal of Disapproval

4. Your bathroom has hot and cold running rats

3. Your “bean bag chair” is made of accumulated lint

2. You wipe your feet on the mat before stepping outside

1. When you open the refrigerator door, the light makes all the food suddenly stop moving

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