Top ten signs your home could use a spring cleaning

Top ten signs your home could use a spring cleaning

Posted on March 30th, 2009 by Bob Sullivan

10. Your “dust bunnies” have all been devoured by “dust ferrets”

9. Mickey Rourke thinks your place looks “nasty”

8. The Health Department has declared your living room eligible for FEMA funds

7. After a mudslide swept through your house, it actually looked better

6. The “lace curtains” seem to be catching an unusually large number of flies

5. Your place received The Good Housekeeping Seal of Disapproval

4. Your bathroom has hot and cold running rats

3. Your “bean bag chair” is made of accumulated lint

2. You wipe your feet on the mat before stepping outside

1. When you open the refrigerator door, the light makes all the food suddenly stop moving

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Bob Sullivan

Bob Sullivan is the author of the 1979 cult classic Clonus (also known as Parts: The Clonus Horror), starring Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn and Dick Sargent, which was lovingly sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was the basis for the 2005 DreamWorks' Michael Bay film The Island, starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything is published on Mondays.