10. Everybody knows how much men love their cars!

9. He was very confused about the term ‘carjacking’

8. He swears the headlights kept winking at him

7. Seriously, Dude, have you ever even seen a Maserati Bora?!

6. PCP and Jack Daniels don’t mix

5. He was parked on Lover’s Lane, and one thing led to another

4. No way could he resist that junk in the trunk!

3. The new car smell really turned him on

2. He thought it would be fun to impale an Impala

1. When he told his friends how lonely he was, they suggested autoeroticism
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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TLC, the network that has brought us reality shows about little people, families with multiple children, and polygamists, has finally created what must be its ultimate television show, entitled “The Three Little Plygs.” Its first episode premiered last night and let me tell you it was exactly as thought-provoking, humorous, and exciting as real life.

The show tells the story of the Popinjay family. They’re just like you and me, except for a few superficial differences. First of all, they’re a family of little people. Second of all, they’re polygamists. Third of all, every one of the “sister wives” has given birth to multiples.

As the husband, John, is fond of saying (he seems to say this or some variant to the camera every five minutes), “Love should multiply, even a little.”

[Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, television by Ricky Sprague
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10. Listen to Frédéric Chopin’s “Minute Waltz” 60 times

9. Get all your exercise out of the way for the rest of the year

8. Write another long rambling letter to Justin Bieber

7. Watch the Fox News Channel until you vomit

6. Cook 20 three-minute eggs

5. Sudoku! Sudoku! Sudoku!

4. Try to re-set the clock on your VCR

3. Watch “The Best of Jersey Shore” 120 times

2. Get a tattoo of Cloris Leachman on your butt cheek

1. Make love to your wife, then rest the other 59 minutes
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: art & entertainment, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
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10. “I discover your continent, and the only honor I get is a lousy sale at Sears?”

9. “If I knew it was gonna lead to Jersey Shore, I think I woulda stayed in Spain.”

8. “I’m 560 years old; I should be gettin’ all kinds of discounts!”

7. “What’s Joan Collins doing these days?”

6. “I see where cloth has become so rare, some of your celebrities have resorted to wearing meat!”

5. “We had a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy on the Santa Maria, as well.”

4. “I’d be hard pressed to say which was the greater discovery: America, or the Snuggie.”

3. “How would I get to the city called ‘Me, Ohio’?”

2. “Why is the bottom of my boat covered with oil?”

1. “I can’t believe my old pal Larry King is finally going off the air.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Sure, we all know that Ben Bernanke is the head of the federal reserve. But did you also know that he’s a tool? That’s just one of the many things I discovered while compiling my list of little known facts about him! Read on for some more!

Ben Bernanke was the inspiration for the Marvel Comics villain “The High Inflationary.” In the upcoming film “X-Men: First Class,” he will be portrayed by actor Ray Park!

Ray Park as the villain The High Inflationary in a promotional shot from the upcoming film “X-Men: First Class.”

[Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, money by Ricky Sprague
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I like many types of music, ranging from Russian monophonic chant to Gothic German techno-metal to screechy avant-garde nonsense. My beard, however — well that’s a different story. His tastes are very specific, quite rarefied and were formed mostly in the first half of the 1970s, ending shortly after I was born. He likes droning, ambient noise, stuff that suggests the depths of space, or a long, slow descent into madness. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, music by Daniel Kalder
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Lady GaGa is famous in large part because she wears provocative clothing in public. It is part of her persona, and her occupation is her persona. She is not just a singer and songwriter. She is a performer, who is “on” all the time, whose very life is a sort of “performance art.”

For instance, here she is at Heathrow airport:

[Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, ends & odd by Ricky Sprague
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10. You mentally divide your summer into two parts: pre and post firecracker incident

9. You have gills and you live in the Gulf

8. The only action you got at the beach all summer was when a horsefly flew into your trunks

7. First name “Tony.” Last name “Hayward”

6. Most of the phone calls you received all summer long were from Mel Gibson

5. The only summer job you could find was as a suntan lotion applier for the cast of Jersey Shore

4. You have no idea who Pedro is, but you woke up with his name tattooed on your back

3. The closest you got to a summer fling was kissing Grandma at the Labor Day barbecue

2. What everyone else thinks is a sunburn is actually a rash

1. The highlight of your summer: Reading this top ten list

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. Order all your martinis “neat”.

9. Make your morning coffee using lawn dew.

8. Only flush on alternate Thursdays.

7. Wear disposable clothing.

6. Have your entire church group shower together.

5. In the fall, have your gardeners use an air blower instead of a hose to corral that last leaf.

4. Trade in your geraniums for cacti.

3. In the same way your toilet will use less water if you put a brick in your water tank, you yourself will drink less water if you put a brick in your bladder.

2. Fill your swimming pool with ethanol.

1. Brush your teeth with orange juice.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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I don’t know what it is about Midwestern women and McDonald’s. Early this year, I posted about a couple of bizarre incidents involving angry women assaulting workers at their local McDonald’s.  Well, it has happened again. There must be something in the water out there. This Ohio woman was less than pleased that she could not order Chicken McNuggets due to it being breakfast hours. She made her displeasure very clear.

I will be in Ohio this weekend. I think I will skip McDonald’s.

Tags: ends & odd by Alan Spoll
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10. He insists all rescues be pre-approved

9. He spends the entire day chasing seagulls and shouting to see if he can scare the poop out of them

8. Instead of a whistle, he uses a piano

7. Every day he comes to work in full Shrek makeup

6. He’s mad as hell ’cause the CPR dummy keeps refusing his advances

5. He got a life-size tattoo portrait of David Hasselhoff all over his body — and he’s five-two

4. He keeps trying to give himself the kiss of life

3. He enjoys wearing a plasticine fin on his back and panicking tourists

2. He has a steering wheel mounted on his big lifeguard’s chair, and he loves to steer his way through the universe

1. Instead of rubbing sunblock on his nose, he uses vanilla pudding
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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I put people in boxes. I have been doing it for a long time. The first time I did it, and did it well, was when I was seventeen. I have not spoken to that person in 22 years. Which is mostly what it means to be put in a box by me. I cut off contact entirely. I mean, it’s an imaginary box, but it works as well as a real one for me (perhaps with fewer legal ramifications.) Before you judge too harshly on how I judge, what I should have done to that first person was have him sent to jail.

When you go into one of my boxes, it isn’t just a matter of cutting off contact. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, his & hers by Van McO
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10. “Did you catch Hillary’s lace pantsuit?”

9. “Bill and one of the bridesmaids are missing.”

8. “Look! It’s the Salahis!”

7. “Who’s playing the part of Chelsea?”

6. “This is the closest we could get to a royal wedding?! We never should have left the British Empire!”

5. “Bill and another one of the bridesmaids are missing.”

4. “Reinforce the perimeter! Roger Clinton’s trying to crash the wedding!”

3. “This is even bigger than the Bristol Palin-Levi Johnston wedding!”

2. “Now Bill and all of the bridesmaids are missing.”

1. “Who let that Marc Mezvinsky in here? Oh, he’s the groom?”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, politics & government, trusted media & news by Bob Sullivan
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10. “It’s so hot, I just killed a guy for asking, ‘Hot enough for ya?’.”

9. “It’s so hot, Mel Gibson actually appreciates the cold shoulder his ex-girlfriend is giving him.”

8. “It’s so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk.”

7. “It’s so hot, my car’s GPS lady keeps directing me towards Canada.”

6. “It’s so hot, Amy Winehouse tested positive for Slurpees.”

5. “It’s so hot, the fish are sweating.”

4. “It’s so hot, I saw a squirrel handling his nuts with tongs.”

3. “It’s so hot, President Obama’s motorcade was spotted outside a Dairy Queen.”

2. “It’s so hot, Dick Cheney was caught waterboarding himself.”

1. “It’s so hot, Lindsay Lohan said she was actually looking forward to spending some time in the ‘cooler’.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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The last Comic-Con I attended was way back in 2007, when I still had a comic book writing gig, a fairly big one, actually, and when I went to the bars and parties after hours I could say, “Hi, I’m Ricky and I write _____,” and people actually knew what I was talking about. I admit I felt like a big man. It was a fun time.

I mean, it was fun going to the bars and parties after Comic-Con had closed. Comic-Con itself had become the opposite of fun.

[Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, ends & odd by Ricky Sprague
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10. You’re also supposed to wait half an hour after making love.

9. We could be just like that scene out there: buoy meets gull!

8. Okay if I rub this suntan lotion places the sun doesn’t reach?

7. That white stuff on my nose isn’t sunscreen.

6. How would you like to be Hasselhoffed?

5. I’ll show you a pool toy you can play with.

4. Wow! Your body can be used as a flotation device!

3. Help! I’m drowning!…In your eyes!

2. My high chair or yours?

1. Okay if I practice my mouth-to-mouth?
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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Dear Diary,

Today I started reading Eclipse. This was after I told myself I was not going to read any of the books in the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer. I’m a thirty-(cough)-year-old woman, and not a twelve year old girl. I’m too mature to be reading this, right? But I read Twilight and New Moon, and now I’m reading Eclipse. And I really don’t like reading it because it’s taking up my whole day and I can’t get anything done. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, ends & odd by Nancy DeGregorio
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Happy Independence Day to everyone.

For me this day normally consists of a nice cookout and fireworks with the kids (unless you live in a nanny state that says you can operate heavy machinery at 70 miles an hour but not light a Roman Candle). For the last several years (when I haven’t been deployed), Dave and I would go spend a ridiculous amount of money at South of the Border to get all the “good” fireworks. We would then have an amazing display in my backyard that the whole neighborhood would appreciate (at least I like to think that they appreciated it). I would make chicken wings and we would grill steaks and other animal parts. The kids would come over and love the fireworks. Eventually we would drink too much and start getting braver and braver (or dumber and dumber depending on how you look at it). Now my son just refers to the stupidity that I teach him on a regular basis. When I ask him what he’s talking about he simply says, “You taught me to shoot fireworks at people.” Oh. Yeah. That’s right. I did that.

Anyway, this year there will be no fireworks for me. But there is a cookout here and we just might get steaks cooked to order. When you’re deployed, that’s pretty significant. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, movies by Jeffrey Maryak
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This week I would like to review the latest film from master filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan, entitled Mindbender: The Last Shyamalan. This is an exciting movie with lots of great twists and turns like you’ve come to expect from this unpredictable filmmaker, so hold on tight while I give you my four-star review (full disclosure: I did not actually see the film).

Warning: Spoilers ahead! If you don’t want to know about all the great twists, then don’t read any more. Go on, I dare you not to read it (please read it — also, click on the ad at the bottom of this review)! [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, movies by Ricky Sprague
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A friend of mine recently referred to her life as a mountain. Apparently she started climbing it years ago without realizing, then one day looked down and discovered how high up she’d gone. She also discovered that it would be nearly impossible to get down off of this mountain and start the climb up a different mountain. By different, I think she meant the one on which she had assumed she would end up. [Read more →]

Tags: damned lies, ends & odd, getting older by Van McO
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