Quentin Tarantino is:

a) old

b) portly

c) in need of a new hair style

d) who gives a shit, just get him off the American Idol stage and back behind a camera where he belongs

I think we all know the answer. It always aggravates me to see someone like Tarantino show up and take a show like American Idol seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I like Idol. But Tarantino’s not supposed to. He’s supposed to be cooler than that. The guy who is responsible for Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill is not supposed to like Idol. It goes against nature.

So last night the judging was reorganized because last week, the girls had diarrhea of the mouth and the show ran over and Adam Lambert’s performance was cut off for anyone that waited to watch it on DVR. I was one of those people and I was pissed. So the new judging arrangements were just fine with me. Who cares what they think anyway?

Overall I didn’t love the show last night. I think I’m in the minority, but again, I don’t care. Here’s my prediction for the bottom three:

Anoop — This may be wishful thinking because I just don’t like this guy, but I’m hoping to see him in the bottom three tonight. He’s arrogant, aloof and altogether boring. He chose to sing Bryan Adams “Everything I Do.” He can sing… ballads. But that’s it. It was dull, predictable and riddled with cheesy hand gestures. I look forward to the day he leaves the stage and doesn’t return.

Matt — I had such high hopes for this guy. He just can’t make us love him. He looks uncomfortable up on stage, he tries too hard and the problem is that he doesn’t know who he’s trying to be. He tries to do too much in each song and last night’s performance of “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman,” by Bryan Adams, was the perfect example of his failure to actually perform each week. He just doesn’t deliver and it’s frustrating because I really wanted him to succeed. I think it’s safe to say he’s on his way out, whether it be this week or next week. Such a letdown.

Lil — Here we go. “The Rose,” by Bette Midler as far as I’m concerned, should be sang in a soft and gentle way. Lil murdered it. It was bad in so many ways that I don’t know where to begin. I’m almost positive that if she had auditioned with that song, she never would have made it through to the next round. Excruciating doesn’t begin to explain it. This one time, my friend Pam (who is a decent singer) got up and sang in a talent show at college. She froze. She looked and sounded like a statue with a paralyzed vocal chord. But you know what? She was still better than Lil! In what seemed like a last minute effort to save herself, Lil began to respond to Simon’s negative feedback with attitude, and as if the TV gods themselves were sick of hearing from her, the DVR cut her off in the middle of her tirade… because like me, Simon and the rest of the country, we’re just not interested.

Paula’s drug of choice: whatever they stabbed Uma with in Pulp Fiction.

Reality Check appears every Thursday, sometimes Tuesday and Wednesday, and there’s always a chance for some action on Monday… and Friday.

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