movies

Moments from famous films I would have ruined had I been the star

Forrest Gump — 1994

“My mom always told me life was like chocolate. Chocolate box. Wait…no, that wasn’t it. What the heck did she say? It was a box… chocolate… uhm… hang on, let me call my mom.”

The Wizard Of Oz — 1939

“Toto… where the heck are we?”

Frankenstein — 1931

“Whoa… hang on… hey Igor… is that thing… wait… is that thing alive? That is so weird. I mean, really… scientifically speaking, what are the odds that anything we just did would have ever worked? I mean, honestly I was making this stuff up as I went along. Digging up a brain? Honestly? …Shoot… do you think he’s going to be nice?”

The Godfather — 1972

“I’m going to make him an offer. A great offer.  Seriously, you guys, if he passes this offer up… I literally… well, I don’t know, man. Like, imagine if someone told you right now you could have like… one million bucks — one million bucks — totally free. No strings attached. That’s the kind of offer I’m talking about. Can’t pass it up. Heck of an offer.”

It’s A Wonderful Life — 1946

“What do you want? The moon? Really? There is no possible way any person can do that. Ugh. Never mind.”

Apollo 13 — 1995

“Hey… Houston? Yeah…listen, I think I broke something. Well, it might not have been my fault. You know that sound a balloon makes when you deflate it really slowly? Yeah… no… yeah, sort of like that. No, no… more like… pffsssssssss… yeah, yeah, you get it. So right, well, I keep hearing that and there was this weird vibration. I don’t know. I think something is wrong. Do you guys see anything?  I don’t want to bug you, I know it’s late down there and everything. How is it over there anyway? Humid? Ah, yeah, well, Houston, am I right?”

Die Hard — 1988

“Yippy!”

Jerry Maguire — 1996

“Remember when I met you? Wait, really? Oh… well… uhh… sorry, that just really derailed my whole plan here. You really don’t remember? I walked over to you and you said ‘hello?’ Nothing? Jesus… well… I liked you a lot then.”

Goldfinger — 1964

“Excuse me, barkeep… Yeah, I’d like a martini please.  Thanks so much. Oh… crap… hey, excuse me… while I’m thinking about it, do you think maybe instead of stirring it… God, I know this is ridiculous to ask, I’m really sorry… do you think maybe you could shake it, instead of stirring it?   I know it sounds crazy… it’s just a taste thing, and I’d really, really appreciate it. You’re great. You know that, right? Thanks. I’m James Bond.”

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8 Responses to “Moments from famous films I would have ruined had I been the star”

  1. Matt, I love this a lot. I love especially “I’m James Bond.” This is very great. You are very great.

  2. Soylent Green – 1973:

    “Soylent Green… is… delicious.”

  3. lol

    Kentucky Fried Movie –

    “Should premature ejaculation occur, the Joy of Sex album comes equipped with Big Jim Slade.

    Big Jim, former tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, is outfitted with various whips, chains, and a sexual appetite that will knock your socks off!

    Big Jim has satisfied women throughout the world, and the capital of Nebraska is Memorial Stadium!”

  4. Well Mike, I definitely have no idea what you’re talking about.

  5. Star Wars (1977) –

    May the Force be on your side. Well, I guess it’s kinda neutral so I guess I’m saying that should you use the Force that you are successful at it….and have a good day too. So…I’ll see you around?

  6. @ Matt

    You never saw Kentucky Fried Movie?

  7. I’ve literally only seen the Austin Powers trilogy.

  8. @ Matt

    You’ve gotta watch Kentucky Fried Movie. Classic stuff.

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