April 10, 2009
I dream Gail and I visit a cross between the Sands Casino in Atlantic City and a video arcade from the 1970’s. I enjoy playing a long-neglected game and discover that the coin return slot is packed. I pull out many coins and an equal number of old tissues and cigarette butts. It’s disgusting, but I feel that this is the only way to win in these places. Gail is appalled that I was willing to do this messy stuff, and when I go home I see that I have a thick tuft of hair coming out of my urethra. Gail is disgusted. I pull the hair out in a big clump.

June 13, 1999
I dream I am waiting for a bus on Castor Avenue and suddenly a building across the street flops over and lands on some people. Furthermore, when the building hits the ground and cracks open, mountains of coins spill out all over the street. Few people pick up the coins; everyone is too shocked. I figure that my bus will not be able to ride on this street, so I walk towards the terminal at Bridge and Pratt. As I walk, I see a stark naked middle-aged woman and I assume her clothing is stuck in the broken building. Frantically, I offer her my shirt. She calmly tells me it’s not necessary, because she lives nearby.

August 10, 1998
I dream that, despite my mother-in-law’s protestations, I am working with charitable zealots who distribute miniature coins in cupcake frosting. They all work diligently, but I can’t understand how this helps people. After I put tiny coins into the works of some wrist watches, I announce that I am leaving the organization. The zealots insist I hang around.

“Fred’s Dreams” appears every Wednesday.

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