10. When he claimed on the Senate floor that abortion is “well over ninety percent of what Planned Parenthood does,” he was only off by eighty-seven percent.
9. When his spokesperson later clarified this by saying “His remark was not intended to be a factual statement,” he never said what it was intended to be.
8. At birth, Sen. Kyl’s doctors legally listed him as a hermaphrodite.
7. In his teens, he was a Junior Wizard with the Ku Klux Klan.
6. Once, in Reno, Sen. Kyl beat a man to death with a sockful of nickels, just to watch him die.
5. He was happy to become the Senate Minority Whip, owing to his extensive collection of whips and other S&M paraphernalia.
4. Sen. Kyl impregnated three of his former female Senate staffers, then made them have abortions financed by taxpayer dollars.
3. Sen. Kyl is a deep-cover mole in the Koch Brother’s covert plan to subvert the U.S. Constitution and create a plutocracy in this country.
2. Beyond this, Sen. Kyl is a deeper-cover mole working for the inhabitants of Klaxxor, a planet intending to harvest human beings for food.
1. None of the previous statements were intended to be factual.
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