Dear Kardashian family, please go away
The nightmare I’m about to describe starts out like any other evening: You’re lying in bed after a long day, enjoying a glass of pinot grigio and flipping channels on the television. That’s when you see one. Dark, round, and virulent-looking. And just as quickly, it’s gone. Wait, are your eyes playing tricks on you? But no, for there is another. And another. And…another. You start to sweat, you start to cry, you jump up off the bed and battle the urge to burn the whole house down. Alas, it is too late. You’ve been infested, and the innocence you once knew is now gone. No, dear readers, I am not talking about bedbugs. I speak of the Kardashians.
My father likes to say that, when the revolution begins, these little brats will be the first to be carted off. Until recently, I didn’t have an opinion of them one way or another. I don’t watch their reality show, so I lived in a protective Kardashian-free cocoon. But suddenly, like poison sumac, these little fame whores are everywhere. Even CNN reports about them: Breaking news! Kim Kardashian drinks a latte!And there are so damn many of them! It’s like they’re breeding them in a lab. Maybe this has always been the case and I’m just noticing them all now; regardless, my brain has reached Kardashian Kritical Mass. What sent me over the edge, though, was this blog post by Khloe Kardashian: A letter she wrote to her husband, Lamar Odom, to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. I made the mistake of actually reading this prime example of how the education system has failed our youth and now I am all sorts of Michael Douglas in “Falling Down.” I officially cannot stand these people.
For a second, let’s overlook the idiocy of publicly boasting of a happy marriage when you’ve known your husband for only a little over a year; I have non-perishables that have been sitting in my pantry for longer than that. Let’s instead look at the bigger picture: This blog post is Exhibit A of why people like the Kardashians, the Hiltons, the Nicole Richies, and the Tila Southern Comfort people of the world make me itch. They’ve become incapable of doing anything away from the glare of a white hot spotlight. Look at me, I’m writing a letter to my husband! Look at me, I’m getting a bikini wax! Look at me, I’m ordering a pain au chocolat! See it’s different when I do it because I’m famous! Why is anyone interested in these people? I propose that we add an amendment to the Constitution whereby no one can become famous for releasing a sex tape, or for having a sister who releases a sex tape. You want some bipartisan consensus, Washington? Throw that one out on the floor and watch the masses eat it up.
So my advice this week goes out to you, The Family Kardashian: It’s time to go away. You too, Bruce Jenner of the Lady Elaine Fairchild face. You don’t have to announce some big Garbo-esque retirement from the limelight; you can gracefully, gradually fade away. But fade away you must. Know what the first wedding anniversary gift is, Khloe? Paper. Please use it to write all future missives to your husband.
Let’s face it: Some celebrities could use good advice. Meg Boyle gives it to them every Tuesday.
Latest posts by Meg Boyle (Posts)
- Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life: Episode 4 recap. - November 28, 2016
- Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life: Episode 3 Recap - November 28, 2016
- Gilmore Girls, A Year In the Life: Episode 2 Recap - November 27, 2016
- Gilmore Girls Recap: Observations! Questions! Shenanigans! Coffee! - November 27, 2016
- Don’t Be Stupid: A Plea to Humanity on Election Day - November 8, 2016
Print This Post
Amen, sister!
Very good. I am Armenian and I cannot stand that family . They are not a great representation of we Armenians. Bring back Cher, Andre Agassi, and Mike Connors ! And why do Kim, Khloe, Kourtney all act 16 at 30 ?? Go away is right !
Wanna get more depressed?If you follow the Kardashian tweets (note: I am by no means recommending you do this), you will notice they randomly include large numbers of products.
They are paid for all these mentions.
Fire up the suicide machine now.
Also, how the hell can you get famous for having a SISTER who made a sex tape?
May I add something else ? Mother Kris seems to want to be one of the daughters LOL. Her coal-black hair dye looks ridiculous at 55. It’s just too black and matte. Her eye makeup is as bad as Kim’s. Way too much.
BtW to the author of this blog, you are too much, keep up the great work ! Love you. :)
I absolutely idolize your blog. You’re hysterical and so dead on. The Kardashians have become a boil on the ass of humanity. They are in dire need of an intervention… STAT! You rock. Keep it up!
They are supposed to be on a reality show yet nothing could be scripted more awfully. I saw one show – it was the lead in to the finale – where Khloe said, “I love him with every ounce of my being.” in such a monotone, out of her mind bored voice it sounds like she was complaining about bad pizza. I then saw Khloe and her husband on a talk show, zero chemistry. Everything they do is staged. And Kim for the love of God please cover up that enormous ass, it is not sexy it is gross. I agree, Kardashians please go away, leave the country, and take those parents who whore you out with you.
I have no idea who you are (Meg Boyle) nor have I ever heard about you before but I agree one hundred percent with your opinion about the Kardashians and and I thank you for writing this post. TV shows like that insult our inteligence and make America look bad on the rest of the world. What happend to smart sitcoms like Arrested Development? I think it was a very smart show worth watching, instead America likes to watch these people buying lattes because once a long time ago they had a sister that was somewhat attractive and made a porn video. I think not only the Kardashians should go away, but also Kendra and Holly Madison
Wow – it’s as if Meg took the workd right out of my mouth! I hate that the word celebrity has a completely different meaning in todays world. How can a family that whores themselves out for fame be considered a celebrities? Shouldnt that require more than having a sex tape? I feel for every parent that has a teenage daughter. These people, Paris Hiltonn included, appeal to these girls for the money they flaunt yet have no morals. Its disgusting.
I am so relieved! Others; many others, realize that the Kardashian “women” are nothing and nobody. WHAT are their talents????!!!!! I wish those working in clinics, and foster care, and trying to cure cancer, got as much attention. These girls cannot even put a sentence together. Grammar? They think that’s their grandmother.
Please go away!
Talentless, fake boobs, cheek implants & on & on. She doesn’t raise the bar for anything other than exploiting her lack of talent. They’ll be a flash in the pan. I’d bet money on it that a few of them will be on celebrity rehab in the not too distant future.
I JUST FOUND THIS BLOG, AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AGREE WITH YOU 100%. THESE WOMEN ARE NOTHING. LOW-GRADE COMMON TRASH. THEY ARE A WAIST OF OXYGEN AND I AM DISGUSTED OF THE INTEREST THAT THESE FAME WHORES GENERATE AND ALL THE MONEY THEY EARN. PLEASE GO AWAY, YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING TO THE WORLD, NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know you but you deserve a raise !!! I love everything what you said about the Kardashian’s . They are washed up and the mom is old and trying to relive her life through her kids. Kim was over heard saying all her haters are on welfare !! Are you kidding ? they are selling their garbage line at Sears when they wouldn’t be caught dead in a store like Sears ~ GO AWAY KARDASHIAN’s. !!!!
Kardashian s please go away u guys are so boring and the only reasons ur on tv because of ur sex tapes ur not famous u haven’t done anything for mankind except making money for u and ur family
Here we are, 5 years later…and they still have not gone away. I am so sick of them. I will stop short of wishing they all die in an accident…but its close.
The truth is the problem is not the Kardasians, the real problem is the morons who watch their shows and buy their products.
It is now 2018 and they are still going strong and even more obnoxious. God help us, we are doomed.