My kid plays up
It’s important that you know this about me: My kid plays up.
I remember those early days, when she was I guess four, when we first joined the town club team. She was running around with the other kids, and I could tell she had it. She needed more. She needed to play with the five-year-olds. As a good parent, I was restless watching her out there with the average kids. I recognized that having fun with her friends wouldn’t be enough. I told her everything she needed to do every second of every game. And I know she heard me, because I said it nice and loud. But we still weren’t getting results. So I moved her up.
Eventually, by first grade, I think, I realized she needed to not only play up, but she needed a better situation. I needed to find a club somewhere and pay so she could be around better kids all the time. I wanted her in competitive try-outs, so she could push herself. I wanted to be at all the big tournaments, which always seem to be somewhere far away.
We’re talking scholarships here. I know she’s only in second grade, but we might be talking Olympics. Someone tried to tell me only a tiny percentage of people ever play a single second of college athletics, but I think we have something special. My wife and I agree on this, by the way.
Don’t bug me about the math. Don’t tell me that I’m going to spend more money on camps and elite clubs and special trainers and the best equipment and all that gas money than I’ll ever possibly get back with a college athletic scholarship, those scholarships that almost nobody gets anyway. Don’t give me that nonsense, because you’re not listening: My kid plays up.
Now, since my kid’s playing up, I don’t coach any more. I’m not going to volunteer and coach a bunch of average kids in my town while my superstar’s talent withers before my eyes. I’m just not going to do it.
And don’t ask me if she’s having fun. How can she not? On those long car rides back from practices and tournaments, I tell her how she did. Sure, sometimes she doesn’t want to go to practice, but I’ve made it clear how important it all is. She knows about winning.
So now that my kid’s playing with better players on this better team — I mean, we are loaded, and just wait till next year — instead of volunteering to coach, I sit in this nice fold-up chair I bought and watch every practice. I feel good watching some guy with college playing experience — I think — tell my kid and stars from other towns what to do. I get my kid the best. In fact, with all this driving around, I’m hardly even in my community that much any more.
When it comes down to it, I feel sorry for my community. The people, they’re not good enough for us. As I think about it all — often while sitting in my chair at halftime — I realize at some point I’ll need a better town. So eventually, I’m outta here. Community spirit, volunteering to improve where you live, investing your time and effort and money in your own town — those things are for suckers. You should come over and see my kid’s club. The parents are all so knowledgeable. They’re yelling at every practice and game. The field we play on is amazing. The uniforms are gorgeous. Once you see the whole operation, I think you’ll be impressed. All those dollars we pay add up, and we could use your money too — if your kid’s good enough.
This all has nothing to do with me, mind you. It has to do with my kid. So just make sure we understand each other: My kid plays up.
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Every parent, every coach, in every community in the country ought to read this. One of the best-written, most important essays I have ever read.
Love it!
My thoughts exactly!
Not all club team parents fit your mold. Being involved in club softball for 3 years, I have met very few people who do.
You slay me – well done.
All parents need to read this to put things into perspective. It’s not easy holding a mirror up to today’s society, but this article really hits the message out of the park. BRAVO!!!!!
The crazies are out there and then there are also the not so crazy..not all are painted with the same brush. Nancy and I sure enjoyed this one since we were among the more sensible…only made trips to Colombia (MD), Hartford and Toronto…never forget that bus ride – scholarship smarlaship, we had fun. Thjis article brought back great memories of that ride back from Toronto. Ah, the good ole days.
PS. no athletic scholarship..just doctorate in psychology…so it worked!
Awesome Mr. Warnock. Entertaining and made a great point. Reminds me of why I used to be a referee…Parents are nuts.
Everyone can’t be painted with the same brush, but from my experiences, the percentages are eerily high. Great stuff, as usual, Doc. I would love to see pieces like this reach many and hit home, but society’s collective learning disability leaves me skeptical. Keep it up.
Seems like your kid plays up as long as you pay up!
Scott-
This is really, really funny. Thanks for sharing in such an entertaining way. I’ve gone ahead and posted a link to our facebook group – this should be a must read to bring back some perspective to the beautiful game.
I was listening last night at a soccer board meeting as a former EPL and MLS player, and former England National Reserve, espoused the importance of playing for fun and not allowing kids to “play up” – as this article so snidely and backhandedly suggests.
Of course every professional at the world cup and every national team player and every pro player and every D1 player spent all their time playing rec soccer for fun. All those hundreds of millions of fans who want to watch the best players are wrong. They don’t know what they want, you all do. They really don’t like the highest level soccer possible. What they really crave are a bunch of average players and average organizations playing very average soccer but having lots of fun together doing it.
You all know deep down inside they really DON’T want the best players developed to be the very best they can be.
This article is as disingenuous as a former pro (who obviously dedicated his life to the game) suggesting that you shouldn’t push kids and that kids should all just play for fun.
Everybody knows that Pele played against kids his own age from his own village all his life right? Everyone knows Ronaldo’s family had fierce local pride and kept him home with his buddies as he grew. Same with Messi right? He wasn’t fed growth hormones and moved away from his family and friends to pursue a pro career at 14. Oh, wait . . .
But then you hate watching those players play anyway because they have no civic pride.
What a lie this is.
I agree with some of this and not with other parts. My daughter played “up” most of her young life (she’s 12) because…1, she was good enough and 2, she had a brother that played and it made since. She also played up in a challenge league and did good. She asked to play up to get more of a challenge. Also, yes it did pay off. She is in her first year at middle school and is a starter playing forward. She’s played almost every minute of every game. Will she get a scholarship like SHE wants??? Probably not, but why crush THE DREAM my daughter has had since she was 4 of being the next Mia Hamm????
I’m just as happy that the really talented players play with others of the same level. It’s better for them, and it’s better for kids like mine who can barely keep up with the average kids his age.
It’s good for him to play with average and below kids only, otherwise he’d never touch the ball at all. This way he has more success and keeps getting healthy exercise and activity.
It isn’t all about the super talented sporty kids – all kids should get a chance to play. But it’s no fun if there isn’t a bit of handicapping going on. They can organize them purely by age, but organizing by size and skill too makes the games better for all the players.
Great Article, I couldnt agree more. There is nothing like watching a bunch of 8 year old girls lay a beatdown on a team of 10 year old boys on the soccer field. When they play teams of thier own age group scores are about 19-0. Makes no sense for anyone to keep talent down and not to continue to challange and develop thier skills against older teams. Also, I find myself feeling sorry for the other teams girls and parents that we have to sit next to. I shouldnt have to feel sorry or empathetic because these girls have skills and are not playing an evenly matched opponent. My Kid Plays Up!
Interesting article. I really don’t appreciate the sarcasm. American society has pretty much followed this advice and look where we are. The kids who played up around the world are nor outplaying the US in everything. If you look at some of the more level headed businessmen they were most likely athletes in college or pro. They pushed themselves and were most likely “encouraged” by their parents. A perfect example against this is the recent game where a 15 yo played for the Philly Union in a pro match. I guess he didn’t have any fun that night. The only thing I will say is that it takes a semi arrogant person to get his kid to play up but the arrogance wanes when his kid is successful.
i htink most of it is meant tongue & cheek to talk about how some parents with club kids or those who play up feel. I can vouch, not all of us do. Many reasons to play up or play club. But, i also volunteer in my community, at ALL three of my kids schools, our kids play up in our local rec league. My son plays club locally, but we do travel. While he wants to play in college, we also drive him to excel academically & dont accept anything less than a 3.5 GPA. He’s maintained above that for over 2 years & that includes honors.
So many of us who meet some of the above criteria ALSO encourage our kids to excel in other areas & encourage & develop them where their strengths & gifts lie. Regardless if it’s Soccer, art, science or english.
Being a good parent & helping your kids be the best they can be, find happiness in who they are, grow up to give back to their community, be people of integrity… well that’s hard work & discipline for everyone…
Perfect: Amazingly accurate essay. Some like Tim above are missing the point. How many Peles are out there? The above is happening in hundreds of thousand instances all across america. Parents suffer from the delusion that their kid will be a future superstar if they drive their kid into the ground and keep throwing gas and money into it. Many parents are lured into this way of thinking by coaches/ clubs that need their dollars to pay their salaries- regardless of their kids’ potential. Most superstars are born of a ball and a backyard
This article is cute but a bit mean spirited, overly sarcastic and unfairly groups all travel parents in an unfavorable light. My daughter played rec soccer from the age of 5 till she was 10 years old. She was on the same team all of those years with her best friend because my wife coached along with her mom, and they all loved it.
Their teams did well every year and learned a lot. The difference in coaching is dramatic in rec leagues. If you know and actually teach the game, and have regularly scheduled practices, your team will be ahead of most other teams. The other teams hated playing our team, even though we just tried to play the right way and went out of our way to never run up the score or be disrespectful to the opponents. Tired of the haters and the agonizing level of play, the girls left rec soccer when they turned 10 to play club soccer. They wanted to do it. We enjoy it as a family, just as we did rec soccer for all those years with all of our kids. Now the girls both start on the school team and are excellent players.
They have a great time in club and school soccer and adore their teammates. Their travel team is probably average as club teams go, but they have improved dramatically as players and don’t have to sit out to keep from running up the score when they play against comparable or better players. Whether they get college scholarships or not, they enjoy this, and this training certainly is not hurting their chances. If they didn’t like it, we wouldn’t do it.
As for me in my chair. I sit quietly and say, “Good Job!” most of the time, or some other positive comment, or just clap. My wife and I coached for a long time and don’t feel like we’re betraying our community in any way.
Anyone on this board who is bashing this article clearly didn’t understand who the article was about. It was in no way bashing the kids who “play up”. If these kids are talented and are able to compete at a higher level in any sport then, yes, they should be moved into a more competetive league. I don’t think anyone would question that. This article is a sattire about over-zealous parents who feel the need to live vicariously through their children. It’s about the over-the-top parents who say and do over-the-top things when it comes to their own biased opinion of their own children’s athletic “career”. If you can’t see that in this article, then you’re one of them.