I personally didn’t think signing with the Miami Heat indicated a man was evil incarnate — Signing with the Dallas Cowboys? Maybe. — but that was before I heard from Dan Gilbert. Gilbert is the majority owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers (aka “the team King James used to play for”), and he posted an open letter to fans on the team website, in which he thanked LeBron for seven years of service that saw the Cavs fail to win a title but during which they still experienced far more success than they had at any other point in the history of the franchise. I kid, he ripped LeBron a new one as he dealt with the grief from his loss by skipping straight to anger and staying there.

It’s worth a read, not so much for the content as its innovative approach to quotation marks. At times Gilbert uses them in a manner clearly meant to mock LeBron (for instance, “chosen one” gets the treatment), but at other points he seems to apply them to words and phrases completely at random including:

-“decision”

-“witnessed”

-“motivation”

-“right”

-“who”

–“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE“

The last one’s my favorite. By putting his own “personal guarantee” in quotes, is Gilbert indicating that he knows it to be, as he might put it, “complete crap”? And really now, isn’t “this” just a tiny bit “insane”? While I can’t deny LeBron’s need to have an ESPN special to let Cleveland know he’d found more appealing pastures was remarkably douchey, at least some good came from it (the money from the ads was donated to Boys & Girls Club) — most douchey things have no upside at all, like Jeremy Piven. And frankly, are other free agents more likely to consider Cleveland, which is a tough sell in the best of times, after reading a letter in which their future boss throws around phrases like “heartless”, “callous”,  and “cowardly betrayal” and eventually concludes,  “Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there. Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.” (Which, if I’m understanding it correctly, means the Cavs best shot at a title is by everyone in the organization committing ritual suicide.)

The fact seems to be LeBron looked at Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, and Pat Riley in Miami, then looked at Gilbert and the Cavs and decided, “I’m going to the beach.” (In a further display of douchery, LeBron’s departure was confirmed before his TV special when it was reported he’d already booked six cabanas at the W Hotel South Beach for the weekend — no word on if he intends to share them with the Boys & Girls Club.) And for all the talk of salary cap implications and max contracts and off-court friendships and blending playing styles and future title chances, it’s very possible this came down to nothing more than a guy with a big ego choosing to get away from a guy with an even bigger one.

Tweet  Print This Post

Tags: sports // Add Comment »