Would a drilling agency by another name smell as bad?
The Department of the Interior — in the wake of the tragic Gulf oil spill — has created a new government agency to oversee offshore drilling.
Sorta.
Actually, what it did is rename an old agency. An agency that has been cited for its utter incompetence and corruptness.
For those keeping track at home, this stands as the Obama administration’s most proactive action yet taken in regards to the spill. Yes, never again can they say that the federal government isn’t doing anything about it.
From now on, the Minerals Management Service will be called the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement. A move which is sure to send a shiver down the spine of all oil companies. For they know — all too well — that with a name like that they can’t possibly get away with another spill.
Not with the words “regulation” and “enforcement” in the title.
Especially when those two words are right next to each other.
What’s more, the employees of the agency must surely understand that because of this name change, no longer will they be able to watch porn at work, like they did under the old name.
If they want to do that, they’ll have to take jobs at the SEC, which is keeping its current name.
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Maybe they should change the name to The Department of Preventing Anything Bad from Happening. That way, the agency would be able to prevent anything bad from happening.
Or they could call it, The Bureau of Going Back in Time and Stopping Tragedies from Happening Before They Do. Such an agency would then, thanks to their great name, be able to travel backward in time and prevent such tragedies from occurring.
While they’re at it, they might as well start a Council on Forcing Cars to Run on Good Intentions instead of Gas. Then our cars wouldn’t need gas anymore, and the whole question of drilling would be moot.
Ricky, these are excellent suggestions. Good to hear the problem is solved.
But wouldn’t The Department of Preventing Anything Bad from Happening prevent itself from being established?
Recursion could be a problem.
The Department of Homeland Security is, in addition to being unnecessary, perfectly Orwellian-sounding. Not exactly the same as the Patriot Act, whose functions were in direct opposition to the name, but close.