When Falls contributor Judi Cutrone has just been informed by a reputable source (aka her sister) that because of yesterday’s inflammatory post against Jerry Seinfeld, she has been banned from several establishments and landmarks in Massapequa, NY, which is hometown to both the controversial blogger and Seinfeld, who is arguably the hamlet’s most famous onetime resident (unless you’re a big Police Academy fan).

Amidst chants such as “Ever heard of hometown loyalty?”, Cutrone has lost her key to the city (given to her by residents after she courageously rescued a small child from the fountain in Sunrise Mall.) and has been declared Persona Non Grata in several key Massapequa establishments:

All American Hamburger Drive In

That Starbucks across the street from All American

Massapequa High School

Massapequa Bowl

United Skates of America (which is technically in Seaford but everyone knows Seaford’s been riding Massapequa’s coat tails for years)

Cutrone’s response is as follows: “I apologize for the hardship this post has caused my family and all of the people I went to grade school with who have since befriended me on Facebook. I stand by my statements on Seinfeld and will only amend that portion of my post where I recommend he move to a small town in the Rust Belt, instead recommending he maybe spend some time in his actual hometown instead. That should do it.” Raising her voice above the boos and jeers, she adds, “Hey, I said I liked Alec Baldwin. Doesn’t that cancel some of this out?!”

Since Alec Baldwin rates as another famous, former Massapequa resident, Cutrone’s sentence has since been amended. She is now allowed to pass through Massapequa unharmed on her way to visit her parents, who now reside in Amityville. It may be a while before that visit, however, since her parents, actual owners of the Seinfeld trivia game, are not currently speaking to her.

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