Going Parental: “But Mom, Barbie has a tattoo!”
Indeed she does. Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to present Totally Stylin Tattoo Barbie! Thanks Mattel. My three-year-old definitely needs this toy. It’s an awesome idea — giving her ways to express herself creatively via mock-mutilating herself and Barbie? Genius.
Now, some may say I’m a hypocrite on this subject because I have a couple of tattoos. I’m not lobbying against tattoos here. I’m all about free expression. I like my tattoos. Fine, I like one of them and would fully undo the other, but that’s why I should be the one — me — to explain to my daughter what a tattoo involves, and I certainly shouldn’t have to have this conversation with her at the age of three. I don’t need tramp stamp Barbie and her Ken-loving ass to teach my daughter anything about creativity and self expression.
As a friend of mine so eloquently put it, “I guess with the Bratz dolls gone there was a gap in the market for those parents out there who want their daughters to grow up to be strippers.” Classic.
Look, I’m keeping things in perspective here. I’m not overly worried about it because its a toy my daughter will never have. So ultimately, at least for the moment, crisis averted. However, is it really necessary for Barbie to have a totally stylin’ tattoo version out there? Little girls look up to that big-boobed eunuch. Did you have to slap tattoos on her? Really?
Ugh.
So unnecessary.
Going Parental appears every Thursday. Tattoos appear every day, all day, for the rest of your lives. Think before you ink!
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Sounds like the perfect partner for Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken – due out in April. What is Mattel thinking?
Going Parental: “Jaclyn vs Malibu Stacy”
Plot: Railing against Big Business’ ceaseless encroachment into the ever dwindling sphere of parental influence, Jaclyn decides to market a doll to rival Malibu Stacy – “Jaclyn Jim-Dandy”. Free of body art and reticent with draw-string phrases such as “let’s bake cookies for the boys” and “math class is tough”, she is instead bestowed with the wisdom of Gertrude Stein and the down to earth good looks of Eleanor Roosevelt.
The launch of Jaclyn Jim-Dandy is trumped by the release of a newer, improved Malibu Stacy, leaving the intellectual superior mocked and gathering dust on the shelves, whilst the tittering simpleton sells-out, gyrates around a pole, and jabbers on about boys and hair.
As in the toy doll world, so in life. And, just as life is said to imitate art, so perhaps it imitates the life and times of a Barbie doll. Which seems much more fun anyway. I’d gladly trade whatever meagre intelligence I possess for some flowing blonde locks and a bo-hunk like Ken to go parties with.