Going Parental: The Pacifier (no, not that gay Vin Diesel movie)
OK. I’m back. Crude, obnoxious, hating you, your kids and the way you parent. Happy? Fantastic. Clearly you weren’t digging my serious blog last week as I only received two comments. TWO comments. That’s a record low for me. Pathetic. Just goes to show you guys don’t want to hear about the ugly scary truths of life, but rather the senseless judgemental rants I have to offer. I am here to happily oblige. OK — here’s my weekly admission: I (we) used a pacifier (or a NUK as it was lovingly referred to in my house) until my daughter was 2 1/2. We stuck to the brand name. We didn’t end up with nicknames like passy, binkie, ba-ba, peace-a-higher or anything like that. We called it what it was. A NUK… A German, manufactured piece of plastic and latex that kept my kid happy, quiet and asleep. It was awesome. She took to it almost immediately, she didn’t need any coaxing like some babies do. It was a no-brainer. All of my sister’s kids used them and they turned out just fine. That was good enough for me.
The awesome people at Gerber even give you a whole list of reasons why you should use a pacifier. They even throw in the word Orthodontic so it sounds super medical and like it’s something you almost have to give your kid. Genius. Check out some of the highlights of their list:
- The innovative nipple shape conforms to the baby’s mouth just like the mother’s breast during feeding, reinforcing correct tongue position. Really? No shit, that is so cool.
- Encourages natural oral development and promotes healthy teeth formation. I totally wanna do that.
- Pacifier use helps reduce the risk of SIDS. Now that’s a big one. Way to hit below the belt, right? Now if you don’t use one, you’re a neglectful a-hole. Thanks Gerber.
- Soothes baby. Duh.
So why doesn’t everyone use these things? I get that some kids just don’t take to them and that’s cool, I mean hey, that’s their decision. If baby doesn’t want it, don’t force it down their throat. I’ve seen this happen. For real. It’s like dude — clearly the kid doesn’t want it, stop tapping it and give up. The kid’s happy without it.
Then there’s this whole other weird subculture of people who are <gasp> against pacifiers. Seriously. I’m not making this up. Recently I was in a bookstore with my daughter and I overheard a woman talking to her friend about the “evil pacifier” and why she refused to use it. “I want my baby to learn how to soothe herself, I don’t want her relying on a pacifier, I think it’s important that she soothe herself naturally. If she’s super fussy, I’ll usually just stick my finger in her mouth and help her calm down that way.” Earth to imbecile in bookstore — sticking your dirty finger in your baby’s mouth to calm her down is the same fucking thing as sticking a pacifier in her mouth! Really. People are this stupid. It’s mind blowing.
There are times when seeing a child with a pacifier in its mouth irritates me. Like when they’re 4 years old and walking around the mall with it in their mouth. That’s just stupid and basically points to a lazy parent or a parent who lacks the cajones to take the dam thing away. Everything in moderation, people. Nobody thinks a 4-year-old that takes the pacifier out to talk and whine and then pops the thing back in its mouth is cute or remotely acceptable. I think by age 3 the thing should be gone. Anything past that is just wrong. That’s my professional opinion.
We took my daughter’s away at 2 1/2. We wanted to take it away when she turned 2 but we kept finding reasons to let her hold onto it. Hey, we’re not perfect. But we finally picked a day, spoke to her about it for a few days in advance and told her that we were going to send her nuks to the nuk fairy and in return she would send her a big present. The kid bought it — hook, line and sinker. I found an old cigar box, we put all the nuks inside and then with a marker wrote on the outside of the box, “Dear Babies, Here are my nuks. Love, Jessie.” And then we found a big blue mailbox on a corner and we popped the box inside. If that’s illegal, then I’m just kidding. We didn’t really do that. A big princess castle appeared and the kid never mentioned the nuk again. We were lucky. The transition was smooth and perfect. What can I say, my kid is perfect. We know this.
So yeah — fussy baby with no pacifier vs. quiet, sleeping baby with pacifier — you decide.
Going Parental appears every Thursday (usually at noon – today I’m late). With no pacifier, your baby will be appearing nightly, on an hourly basis, reminding you how stupid you are for not just giving them the damn thing.
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Sorry, have to disagree with you here. Can’t stand pacifiers and never gave one to Liam. He’s never had a problem going to sleep, but then he is a perfect child !! Haha. It was the sight of those 4 and 5 year olds with them that really turned me off.
(and no I have never stuck my dirty finger in his mouth!)
Oh, and happy to have the crude, obnoxious you back!
But see, you’re the acceptable exception. He never needed it, he slept great on his own. When that’s the case, I’m all for not giving it to them. It’s those screaming sad babies that are happy with a finger in their mouth, but whose parents wont give them a pacifier that make me crazy. I’d bash you if he didn’t want it, but you pushed it on him. See what I’m saying? Oh and its great to be back!
So great to have you back! Who were you all serious last week? The nuk was the greatest thing for our daughter. She loved it and it worked for her and for us! The parents who know that their child needs to be soothed and yet deny them of a nuk/passy are just cruel! Give your child something to help them feel better, jeeze!
Big fan of the binky (sorry, that’s what we called it growing up)- jake loved it, and so did we…always felt that it was great b/c you could take it away, which was far better than allowing him to become a thumb-sucker. i mean, he’s probably predestined for braces anyway, but why encourage it, right? we took it away before he was 2, and it was a few nights of hell, but he never asked for it after that was over.
hey, what arcticle last week?? I totally missed that.
Good arctice. We Weschler’s are the peace-a-higher peoples. 1 out of 3 took it, and done around 2 1/2. Just figure this, the kid wont walk down the aisle with it.
Raising a child is the most challenging thing in the world to me.. whatever works and makes the child happy so be it. Parents can (pacifier) and cant (thumbsucker) control their child.. In the end, they hopeuflly graduate highschool. .,.. and become decent menches in this world. Love you Jack. ps.. can you post the arcticle from last week?
Proven fact – infants NEED the sucking sensation for the first 4 months of their life..once they turn four months it becomes a habit. So gave my kids their NEED and when I had to keep marching into their room in the middle of the night the pacifier was gone….pacifier march wasn’t for me…so they got it during the day when i was near them and it was convenient for me…now that’s good parenting! and now i have a thumb sucker…obviously a girl…she showed me!
Wen – last weeks blog wasn’t about the topic you and I discussed. I wrote about the crash on the Taconic. Don’t worry, that topic is coming up soon. Promise!
It will be a sad day in our house when the “binkies” have to go :) My husband has limited them to bedtime only now :( We use Wubbanubbas, they are the best thing out there! I def. feel the no binky pressure but w/ twins, they can bite me!
twin binky removal sounds intense. let us know how that goes. we can talk you through it! oh and we also reserved the nuk for sleepy time. either in her crib/bed or in the car. the car was actually pretty selfish we gave it to her a lot just to keep her quiet sometimes. like i said, we’re not perfect. to jess it was a “nukkie.” to me it was a “plug.”
Good stuff Jackie! We tried it with Nicholas but he didn’t like nor need it. Never cried for more than 2-3 minutes but I like to put him down awake and let him fall asleep himself. He is just a great baby, let’s see what our girl brings to the table
peace
Ara
I totally 1 bajillion % agree with you on the age limit on those things.. I get disgusted seeing a kid around Jaimes age with one in his or her mouth… Are you fucking kidding me people??? Ughhh.. anywho.. When Jaime was born we gave her pacifiers mostly when she was about to fall asleep or what not.. But what we used to do is put some cold water in it , and the sucking sound of the water wooshing around soothed her to sleep even better than an empty pacifier..Also when she was teething, the cold water in the binky against her gums was another plus . She actually quit the binky cold turkey when she was about 6~7 months.. She kept spitting it out so i am thankful it never led to a full blown addiction lol ;)~
Duh… Pacifiers make babies happy like ring pops make adults happy. Simple fact.
It was really easy for me to remove the NUK from my husband’s mouth. I just replaced it with the nipple and now I can’t get the guy off me. It’s especially embarrassing in the mall and the movies. Maybe you can tell him the NUK fairy is coming to take me to Vegas so he can detox the nipple and I can go to Rehab!
Carrie – I will help your husband get over his nipplie obsssion if you promise to take me to Rehab with you! And before everyone starts hammering in with their comments, I’m talking about the Rehab party at Hard Rock in Vegas. So save it!
Brady had the ‘binky’ til he was 11 months old, when the dr said get rid of it before he starts walking or you never will…he cried and was uncomfortable for 3 or 4 days…or should I say, he cried and WE were uncomfortable…but we never looked back. Frannie otoh, wouldn’t take to it and sucked her thumb and forefinger…and still does sometimes when she’s really tired. Hard to take a thumb away and mail it, eh?
It’s difficult to separate at times what is done for the good of the child vs what makes life easier for the parent, but at times what makes life easier for the parent IS what is good for the child. Emphasis on “at times”.
I agree….NUK, paci, tomato, tamato…it keeps em quiet!!! I am 81/2 months pregnant with a 2 year old and I am sorry to say I offer it lately just to get some peace and quiet some days. Am I creating more of a monster…yeah maybe…but we all need to do what we need to do. The paci fairy will come one day I just know it!