Good news! There are reports of a light at the end of the recession tunnel. It’s great that there might be a light. Of course, it would be greater if we weren’t in a tunnel.

Unemployment is still high. Combined with under-employment figures, the estimates come in around 16%. Until there’s some massive hiring, it’s the austerity plan — or no plan — for an awful lot of people.

For those of us who are not yet seeing the light, much less feeling the glow, here’s a special list of 23 things you can still enjoy for $5 or less:

1. the open road
2. consensual sex. Okay . . . possibly alone.
3. a new curly hairdo created with an old sheet, one night’s crappy sleep, and assorted family ridicule.
4. seeds
5. a deck of cards
6. the best roast chicken you’ll ever eat. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. 1 whole chicken. 1 lemon. Garlic. Hot, hot oven.
7. participating in a flash mob
8. trial versions of software
9. trial sizes of grooming stuff like curl-setting lotion
10. growing out your hair. Okay, that’s what I’m doing. That’s what all the hair stuff is about.
11. 2 DVDs a month, $4.99 
12. window shopping
13. the library
14. 5 mp3 songs. May I recommend starting with You Haven’t Done Nothin’  by Stevie Wonder, featuring the greatest funk bass hook of all time and backup by the Jackson 5? Did you know that it’s a political statement? And that it was aimed at President Nixon? What do you think makes that cool piston noise? Will we ever know? Discuss.
15. Halloween
16. a salad spinner from IKEA for $3.99. Don’t ever go to another Tupperware party.
17. not ever going to another Tupperware party
18. writing a novel in 30 days in November. And preparing for National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO) in November by downloading this free status bar.
19. 2 buck chuck
20. bubble bath
21. while you’re in there, shave off your nasty summer sandal calluses. Dawg, this thing works. $2.45.  
22. a good piece of pie
23. immortalizing your summer vacation (or summer job) photos in a Snapfish flipbook for $4.99
24. Putting peanut butter in your ear and letting the dog lick it out. I saw that somewhere. It’s gross, I’m never doing it, but someone might. Go ahead, I won’t tell anybody.

Peace out, Ruby. Send Ruby your own cheapass ideas here. Don’t send me any pictures of the dog/ear thing. As we say in my part of the country, ish.

Advice for the Rest of Us appears every Friday except for religious holidays like last Friday, which was Dom DeLuise’s birthday (RIP, Dom). And also National Sister’s Day (did you forget? Tsk, tsk.)

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