While the execution of terrorist Canada geese continues in New York City, a planned execution of the birds was recently approved by the City Council in Rochester, Indiana, according to a story in the Rochester Sentinel. Allegedly, Canada geese are a threat to golfers, and the course itself, at the Round Barn Golf Club at Mill Creek. So, with the blessing of city officials in hand, club pro Lyle Lingenfelter plans to have police officers shoot the terrorist geese. What Lingenfelter and the cops don’t know is that a quartet of golfing animal rights activists is planning to thwart the execution.

A source tells me that he overheard a conversation in a bar shortly after the Rochester City Council voted unanimously to authorize the murder of terrorist geese. Four white, middle-aged men wearing the kind of clothes white, middle-aged men wear on the golf course sipped Glenfiddich (my source says he heard the men place their drink order) and, with serious looks on their suntanned faces, calmly talked about what “needed to be done.”

My source, whom we’ll call Birdie, says the waitress knew everybody in the bar by name but showed no indication that she’d ever seen these men before.

Birdie, who happened to be passing through the godforsaken Midwestern city, recorded the conversation and e-mailed me a transcript this morning. Since Birdie never heard the men refer to one another by name, he identifies them here as Driver, Putter, Iron, and Sand Wedge.

Driver: Remember the golf ball the agency tested in Dubai last year?

Sand Wedge: Sure, the Top Fight. Detonated by the asset using his club.

Putter: I was there for the tests. Delivery of the nerve agent is virtually inaudible.

Driver: The targets will spread out. Figure there’ll be about half a dozen, four on the front nine, two on the back. Front nine has more water hazards, more geese.

Iron: Some of the cart paths run close to the hazards.

Sand Wedge: Delivery is very localized. Play the right shot and we shouldn’t have to worry about collateral casualties.

Putter: Too risky. Our handicaps aren’t that low and the light won’t be good. I say we vaccinate the geese.

Iron: Easy enough. We’ll spike the fertilizer.

Putter: We can also deliver the vaccine through the sprinkler system.

Driver: Any activists expected to show up to protest the hunt?

Sand Wedge: I’ll make sure they get an e-mail from the protest organizer letting them know the hunt date’s been changed.

Driver: Media?

Sand Wedge: Doubtful, but I’ll add local press to the e-mail list.

Driver: Animal rights groups?

Putter: We have assets in position who’ll lead friendlies on a wild goose chase.

Waitress: Can I bring you gentlemen another round?

Iron: I’ll buy a round. (Pause in conversation while waitress walks away.) While we’re all here, what about Cheyenne Cherry?

Birdie says he went into the men’s room at that point to change the batteries in his digital voice recorder. He says he’ll be in touch.

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