When it comes to “Going Parental,” I will spend most of my time ranting about parenting, my kids, your kids, the way you parent and how much I hate it, and the inevitable damage we are doing to our children. Those are the obvious things. However, every once in a while, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the little things… those small and almost transparent moments that make it all worth it in the end.

Whether I’m damaging the crap out of my kid or not, the simple fact remains that no matter how shitty I think I may be handling things at times, my daughter finds a way to remind me that at the end of the day, no matter what, she loves me more than anything… more than Max and Ruby (may they burn in hell), more than tutus and tiaras, hell, more than her princess dolls. For you parents out there with boys, that’s like your kid loving you more than Thomas the Train or Spider-man. Point is, it’s a big deal. Every night around midnight I (sort of) wake my daughter (she pretty much sleeps through the whole thing) and take her to the bathroom to pee. She’s been fully potty trained since 2½ (hell yeah I’m rubbing that shit in) and refuses to wear pull-ups at night because “they’re scratchy and make ma belly itch,” so the midnight pee is a nightly precaution we are taking for now.

I don’t mind it — I’m always awake anyway, the insomniac that I am. In those few moments when I lift her out of her bed and carry her to the bathroom she hugs me, her head on my shoulder, and talks in her sleep. She’ll say, “I love you mommy,” or “I need a kiss and a hug,” or “I need juicy,” or “this is bullshit, stop waking me up in the middle of the night, bitch.” Whatever her sweet little ramblings may be, she is so angelic and vulnerable in those moments and it is in those few seconds that I stop myself and realize how lucky I am. Moments like that are a gift, not to be taken for granted.

Check back in next week when I go back to referring to your kids as grimy little douchebags that make me want to hit hem.

Going Parental appears every Thursday. Bonus additions may pop up from time to time so stick around. And yes, you’re still welcome.  

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