Unprotected sex, motorcycles, and the wilderness: why cell service should be geographically limited and people left to the consequence of their own stupidity
The following idea developed in an old barn used as an Appalachian Trail shelter in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee as, miles from civilization, I lay awake, listening to the obnoxious chatter of a girl on a cell phone:
Much of the world is tamer than it used to be; tamer than it is naturally. Buildings are zoned and coded with automatic doors, enough fire exits for every occupant, and sturdy railings over stairs with run-to-rise ratios established to accommodate even the most clumsy and out-of-shape. People climb stairs like these, into buildings like these, to watch big screens on which actors pretend to dare and risk. They become the hero. They rise and fall on plot waves designed to thrill then shuffle out clearly marked exits to drive dual air-bagged, anti-lock brake, power steered, vehicles home along roads that clearly warn, and re-warn, of every upcoming curve, bump, and dip.
The idea that technology handicaps isn’t new. I see articles like Is Google Making Us Stupid, and In Defense of Distraction more and more in tech magazines and online. The term life hacking was created to describe ways of increasing productivity in the presence of distraction and information overload. Even Pixar, in it’s 2008 film WALL·E envisioned humans becoming jellyfish with muscles of mush from years of inactivity and robot service.
In Choke, Chuck Palahniuk writes of our current society:
…because there’s no possibility of real disaster, real risk, we’re left with no chance for real salvation. Real elation. Real excitement. Joy. Discovery. Invention. The laws that keep us safe, these same laws condemn us to boredom. Without access to true chaos, we’ll never have true peace.
Pessimistic paranoia or wise foresight? I vote foresight. We have eradicated any real danger in life. We no longer fight over food, water, or land. Instead, we play sports and compete for the best houses and cars. People fear rare and unlikely dangers like serial killers, swine flu, and Osama bin Laden because there isn’t anything left to be legitimately fearful of. They do things for thrills less dangerous than the drive to get there: roller-coasters, skydiving, parasailing. It’s fear devoid of any real competition or possible bite. Because there is no real danger, there is rarely any confidence gained from accomplishment or survival.
For individuals who want real risk or danger, legally, there are few options. Motorcycles aren’t too hot at legal speeds and unprotected sex is just stupid. That leaves the wilderness: the great expanse of trees on mountains; the poisonous plants that leave you scratching and oozing for weeks; streams with leeches; rivers with deadly whitewater; steep trails surrounded by forests full of poisonous snakes, spiders, tics, bees, coyotes, mountain lions and bears. All this along with plenty of places to twist an ankle or fall into a chasm and break important bones (like your skull), not to mention pot-growing, gun-toting rednecks who will sic their ferocious dogs on over curious hikers who will have to scramble through rhododendron brambles (“rhododendron hells” as experienced off-trail hikers call them) to survive. It’s generally a place away from the protection of police and emergency rooms, where confidence is gained from independent survival, preparedness, and perseverance. It’s all these things, unless of course technology manages to declaw, castrate, dumb down, and render it tame.
I’m afraid to report– it has. Last weekend, miles from the nearest road in an old barn converted to an AT shelter, I was startled from sleep by a loud and obnoxious girl on her cell phone. “Heyyy girl– Where are you? Noooo! Follow the trail the other way– ” My first thoughts were: there goes the wild in wilderness and what cell phone provider does this girl have?
I had pushed hard all day to reach the shelter by dark, climbed carefully, stepped clear of places snakes might curl, was careful to ration my water, careful to avoid twisting my ankle, and for what? If I had a better cell service provider I could have been as reckless and stupid as I pleased and called for help after an unfortunate event.
By piecing cell phone girl’s conversation together, I learned her friend had been stranded after not reading a sign at an intersection. After over four hours of multiple loud and annoying phone calls, the girl finally arrived at the shelter for a louder, late night reunion.
Maybe someday we’ll tear down the railings, raise the speed limits, and stop putting obvious warning labels on products. We’ll realize if someone is too dumb to know not to use a hair dryer in the shower or which end to hold a chain saw by, they’re a threat to us all. But for now, can we at least let people who come to intersections miles from civilization, and don’t read the signs get what’s coming to them? A few years down the road this girl will have children and these children will have children. She isn’t going to teach her kids to read signs at intersections, she’s going to teach them to bring cell phones wherever they go and hundreds of people in camping shelters around the world will be kept awake by annoying chatter, “Hey girl, you’re lost? Blah blah blah–“.
These children won’t only be in shelters using cell phones, but in the movies, driving trucks, and trains. Forget artificial intelligence bent on our destruction; we’re weakening ourselves with the dumb, obedient computers we have now. I say keep the wilderness wild.
Here is an appropriate warning sign to get the movement rolling:
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Have you seen the movie Idiocracy? It is a bad movie, but the premise is exactly what you are arguing is happening to our society.
this was an awesome read! i enjoyed it immeasurably.