Doubt and the recovering Catholic
I am a recovering Catholic. I attended a Catholic grade school, high school and even a Catholic University for a while. To say that I was not amused would be an understatement. It really didn’t take me very long to realize that there were some glaring inconsistencies in church doctrine. Once I was old enough to start thinking on my own, what I call “The age of reason”, the hypocrisy became much too burdensome.
I was reminded of all of this because of a movie that I watched last night. The movie was Doubt… which in case you are not familiar, is a story set in 1960’s New York about a Catholic priest who is suspected of having an “inappropriate relationship” with a young boy. The movie itself was actually quite riveting. I’m not really a big Meryl Streep fan, but she played a great and comically dark role. Philip Seymour Hoffman was magnificent as usual and Amy Adams made me finally wanna do filthy things to a nun.
The movie utilizes some very stark visuals to elicit appropriate emotions from the viewer. The use of lighting and camera angles, in combination with some overly obvious symbolism (Dr. Eckleburg’s Eyes have nothing on some of these), truly immerse you into the palpable stress of the situation. It really brings to light the remarkable dilemma that faces believers regarding social morality versus loyalty to religious beliefs and authority. Encompassing the ideas of intolerance and subterfuge, it effectively showcases the question of the intent of the characters. It was a very fascinating story and very well acted and while I am certainly not a movie critic, it is definitely worth two hours of your life. But I digress…
Essentially, Catholicism (and all organized religion) is all about control through the use of guilt and ultimately, eternal punishment. Now I certainly understand the concept of upholding certain social mores for the over all benefit of society. But in my not so humble opinion, organized religion is the last bastion of the cowardly. It is not that I am specifically calling anyone a coward, but rather that humans in general are uncomfortable with the finality of their existence. The idea that we are not much different from plant life in regard to a simple life cycle, is not something that is easily digestible for most people. A nearly universal belief in some sort of afterlife is, therefore, obviously predictable.
As a person, I have many character flaws. If fact, I am really not a very good person. Self absorbed and manipulative at the very least, if there really is an afterlife and a Supreme Being… I am gonna have a bunch of explaining to do. There is one thing, however that I insist upon. All of my ships certainly must sail in the same direction.
I can not be pro-choice and anti-death penalty. Life is either precious or it isn’t. Pick a side.
I can’t champion animal rights and order my burger medium rare. Predator or prey. You decide.
And I certainly can’t bang the guy next door’s wife behind his back and then sit with them in the front row at Sunday mass. I’m not against smutting up his wife, I just can’t be sanctimonious about it.
I guess all of this is just the long way around the barn to say that I refuse to be a hypocrite.
Did you know that according to the Catholic church, you cannot achieve heaven with a mortal sin on your soul? Did you also realize that intentionally missing Sunday mass is a mortal sin?
More interestingly, did you know that you can achieve heaven even if you are not Catholic? If you believe in God and you lead a virtuous life as a good person, eternal life can be yours. Now please bear with me…
Apparently, a really nice guy from Zimbabwe with a bone in his nose is gonna end up having cocktails with St. Peter, while I can end up burning in the eternal fires of hades. Even though I went to mass every Sunday of my life, if I skipped it just one time and got taken out by a Septa bus right after, I’m gonna need asbestos boxers! Does that seem normal to anyone? What the hell did I sign up for here!?
How about this part… if I would have had the chance to go to confession prior to my encounter with Joe Septa, all is forgiven and I’m in again! In fact, even if I am a no-good scum-bag murderer, thief or pedophile… just as long as I confess my “sins” before I die, all is forgiven! Are you friggin kidding me?
Seriously, if these are the rules… I don’t want anything to do with it.
I see it this way. No life subscriptions of any sort for me. Frankly, the idea that there could be something that has no end is terrifying to me. I do actually try to treat others the way that I would want them to treat me. I’m not always successful, but I try. I am pragmatic about it. We are human after all. Chill.
If there is more to this, and I don’t believe that there is, I can only hope that being at least a decent person will at a minimum, get me a nice condo overlooking the lava pool in hell.
I am inclined to be excessively practical. Do we exist because of some great unseen hand that bestowed life upon us, or are we an incredible galactic accident? If the earth were to orbit a few hundred miles closer or further from the sun, we wouldn’t exist. Trillions of people have lived and died before me. They had their chance at life, this is mine. I intend to live my life to the fullest… without guilt.
Of course I believe that a collective morality must exist for our society to function even relatively normally, but the extreme paradox of organized religion is exasperating to me. If drinking scotch to excess and dating strippers is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right. My moral compass might be bizarre, but it is unquestionably consistent.
Check out the movie if you haven’t yet. It is fascinating and well acted, but it really does display the insincere piety of the church, especially in regard to it’s place in a modern, progressive society.
Latest posts by Larry DeRose (Posts)
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- Doubt and the recovering Catholic - June 2, 2009
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Very nice Larry. Just because we are the only animals aware of our immortality, does not mean we should be so arrogant as to think that we could possibly know where we came from, why we’re here, and what happens when our bodies turn to mush. My mother said it best, (after only baptising me due to tradition and superstition) when I asked her where I really came from, she said “my pussy”. Way to go Mom, and way to go Larry. I’ll see you in Hell!
Well written, Larry, and as always entertaining. As I’ve often said in the
past, I’m already living in Hell. I’m just moving to a warmer climate! Kudos
on publishing the good word!
Don’t worry Larry I have our Condo’s already rented. Good news is there is a casino and a strip club right next door.
So a completely secular bunch makes a movie about something that may or may not have happened from a worldly point of view and you question the reasonability of Catholicism? I see.
Nah Amy… I question the reasonability of Catholicism because of their sickening hypocrisy. The movie just reminded me that I am a recovering Catholic… I had almost forgotten. The movie was at least entertaining, but now that I have spent so many years standing back from organized religion, I can really see how cult-like Catholicism is. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid Amy.
Is that why you won’t sit with us in the front row at church? Because you are smutting up my wife behind my back?
Then again there are two flaws with my logic 1) We don’t live next door to you and 2) We don’t go to church.
From one Recovering Catholic to another! Great Job! Or in Larry speak “Go #%^& Yourself”
The plethora of historical information makes it impossible for me not to wake up from the hypnotic effect of all the mythological stories that christians believe. Spending fourteen years in catholic educational institutions till I said ‘enough’ and finished in a secular university, has had the tenacious effect on my mind that ptsd sufferers report. In my case, I felt guilty about not believing such silliness as the virgin birth knowing full well that the Nazareth obstetricians did not save any records of this phenomenon. Today, I am reading ‘Through the Narrow Gate’ by Karen Armstrong–a former nun in England, Oxford scholar, religious historian–detailing her training in the convent of St. Ignatius. My hunches have been vindicated reading about the training of these poor deluded women into total self-denial to the extreme of Karen having to experience epileptic seizures as a self-willed emotional behavior meaning to draw attention from others rather than a medical emergency. The nuns were trained by Mother Superiors, God’s earthly messengers, to completely subjugate their will to the commands of the Order.
Clearly therefore, these mystical black angels were then charged with the propagation of submissiveness and guilt to the future generations. Interestingly, the self-contained classroom of the parochial school was the perfect breeding ground for indoctrination. I began to see ‘no difference’ in this methodology and the training of muslim believers. Well, my rant is finished for now. Thanks for the opportunity to comment.
Excellent write! I’m CINO catholic in name only as I had it with the church years ago. Attended catholic school K-12 and learned from an early age what it was all about, getting money, control, do as I say not as I do, and promoting stupidity among the masses as an educated youth is a dangerous youth in a catholic school.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion….I love my brother Larry and we are friends now for over 20 years and one of the many reasons why we became friends are because I liked the fact that he wasn’t afraid to say what is on his mind…..as I am the same way!
Now onto the subject at hand…I have to be careful as to what I type as “they” are watching……LOL…..I am discerning the call to the Catholic “Religious” life as a Brother or Priest. I have met some of the nicest, honest, Priests, Nuns and Brothers. I do agree there are many people who do not practice what they preach, but to classify an entire religion as a sham is not a fair assessment.
I could recall many times going to mass and offering people the sign of peace during the mass and immediately following the mass, there they were cussing out someone who was taking too long to leave the church parking lot. But lets not forget what Jesus has said, He will be the only person to make judgement of others when we die!
I believe we ALL need to take a look into the mirror and see what is inside of us and to examine our own life! If everyone did so this would be a much better place!
God bless us all.