Dear Ruby,
All my life I’ve been a bit of a dreamer.  You know, places to go, people to meet, and new careers upon which to embark. While I was married, with a young son, I mostly kept the dreams at bay with occasional small indulgences like becoming a painter for a year. Now in my mid-40’s I am starting to wonder if it is reasonable to still be a dreamer, let alone to actually pursue one. Being divorced I no longer have a family to support, nor any reason to stay where I am or to do what I am doing. I feel the huge wide world constantly beckoning but worry where I will be in 20 years. Is it time to stop dreaming, grow up, and plant some roots?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,
If you’re trying to grow yourself a big crop of roots, then you should definitely get started on planting some. Dude, it’s late — start digging! If you want to be in the place where your grandkids end up once a year, after they’ve gone over the river and through the woods, then roots is your 20-year plan.

However, if you want to be the one showing up for holidays (in a stripped-down Range Rover or maybe a sidecar) probably a week late, and then working the room with outlandish true tales that are wildly inappropriate and give the baby nightmares (that you cure with a sip of your Rob Roy and some really awesome smoke rings), then maybe it’s not roots you’re after.

A writer friend of mine once said that getting a poem published is like throwing a dog in a well — a yelp and a splash and it’s over. Well, what isn’t like throwing a dog in well? Life is not what isn’t.

You don’t need a reason to stay, but you may need one to go. Figure out what it is first. That’s my only advice. Take a long, luxurious think on it, just don’t take 20 years.

Where are you going? You’re not going to wear that, are you? Tell Ruby.

Advice for the Rest of Us appears every Friday right in front of your eyes.

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