October 11, 2008
I dream I am performing my magic show, and my nemesis has been whipping the audience into a frenzy exclaiming he is going to expose my new levitation trick. I explain to him that he would disappoint the audience because they want to be mystified more than they want to understand how the trick is done. Furthermore, the levitation apparatus I have is recommended for use with someone who weighs less than 140 pounds, and clearly he weighs more than that. As I explain about the weight, my nemesis transforms into an early 20th century middle-aged woman with a long dress, a comically large hat and a parasol. In his woman configuration, my nemesis will not expose a trick if it means the audience would know he weighs more than 140 pounds.

July 15, 2000
I dream I am at a Weight Watchers meeting and Mary Carpenter is showing the murals of me that she has painted. They are well done, and I thank her. Then I realize that the meeting is about to begin and I haven’t weighed in, nor have I weighed in for weeks. I have a conflict because you’re supposed to pay for weeks that you missed, so I sneak out and plan to rejoin later. I duck into the bathroom and use the enormous orthopedic toilet because I’m curious to see how it will flush.

June 3, 1998
I dream I am at a clothing store for overweight Jewish men. The salesperson is growing impatient with me. I tell her I’m just looking but she wants me to buy something. Mike Young, the artistic director of Comedysportz, also tries to hurry me along. I put them off because I am embarrassed to admit the truth. The largest size in the store is one size too small for me.

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