I love times like these. I really do.

No, I don’t revel in human misery and I don’t derive any pleasure from watching others struggle. I do, however, look forward to the bargains I can rake in once the hype and fear have dropped to manageable levels.

The economy slumps, a terror alert is issued, a democrat is elected and winter is coming. The uncertain economic situation leads to a rise in the awareness of crime, if not the crime rate itself.

These events all lead the easily panicked to rush to the stores and stock up on nifty items like guns & ammo, generators and survival gear. They stockpile against the coming dark ages and when, as we all hope, society bounces back, they look at these panic purchases and feel guilty. They think about the nice things they could have bought with the money  and they feel guilty for falling prey to the ‘sky is falling’ mentality that they had previously mocked. They don’t like to admit that they felt afraid and don’t want to face the loss of faith in their fellow man.

Before you know it, eBay, Auction Arms, Craigslist and the local paper are full of barely used, good condition gear that the previous owners are only too happy to sell at a loss, if for no other reason than to convince themselves that they were not really afraid after all, they were just being careful. The survival gear was never unpacked, the generators got fired up once, to see if they worked. The guns were probably fired once or twice, just enough to convince the temporary owners that they are indeed in control of their fate.

The best deals can always be found by trying to pick out the most devoted of liberals, those bastions of the left wing who, in quieter times, vote against the second amendment and for more government cheese. The sense of guilt is almost palpable and the look of relief on their faces, as you load the reminder of their panic into your vehicle, is comical.

Meanwhile, those of us who have always been ready, who didn’t need to rush out and spend stupid amounts of money to secure those items that are invaluable in times of unrest, have the money we didn’t spend at hand. We shop around, pick and choose, bargain these embarrassed Chicken Littles down to the rock bottom, and add to our, admittedly, already overstocked supply.

See, we know that the US of A will come through this latest crisis. This time.

We are convinced that the time to be self-sufficient is not after the storm begins, but while the sky is still blue. We are certain that it will someday not be ok.

Until that sorry day arrives, we will just smile when you call us neanderthals, rednecks, nutcases and worse. We will quietly go about collecting those things we feel we need against that day when all the panic shopping in the world won’t help. We just roll our collective eyes at those neighbors who previously avoided us, then rushed to get our advice about what equipment was best, and now avoid us again. We will offer you advice when you ask, and know that you won’t really listen.

We are not all conspiracy theorists and militia wanna-be types. We are not building secret bunkers and wearing tin-foil hats and we don’t think there are aliens at Area 51.

Well, maybe just one or two aliens…

We are just not willing to trust our lives to the ephemeral whims of whatever political party holds sway this year and we are certainly not willing to depend on our fair-weather neighbors. We believe that self-reliance and self-determination are not just words to shout out at a rally, but ideals to live by. We don’t live beyond our means and we could care less about keeping up with the Jones. We are not knee-deep in debt and we don’t have to be worried about the mortgage payment because we just had to have that 60″ TV.

We believe in planning. Short term, long term, backup and contingency. And, of course, SHTF plans.

We are ready.

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