Activity One:  Make Lamb Stew, Rake Leaves, Eat Lamb Stew

Details:  On late autumn/early winter day of November 12, while wife and daughter are at rehearsal, make from-scratch lamb stew in totally disorganized and improvisational fashion, using no recipe.  Rake wet leaves in front yard, and drag to curb.  Eat stew.

Ingredients: 

Two large lamb chops, salted and broiled until very rare, then cubed
12 tiny potatoes, halved
5 small turnips that have been in refrigerator for month, cubed
5 stalks of celery, chopped
2 large white onions, cut into large chunks
7 carrots, peeled and chopped
7 large bags of wet leaves [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, recipes & food by Michael Antman
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I am a book collector and have a weakness for modern first editions, although many of these are no longer in my price range (or that of anyone I know). And so, on a Saturday morning last April, I dropped by the Park Avenue Armory, site of the New York Antiquarian Book Fair, hoping to simply say hello to a few dealer friends, peruse the books quickly, and get back home in time to catch the Mets-Braves game. As it happened, I found a nice copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s anti-war masterpiece, Slaughterhouse-Five. But what really interested me was a rather incongruous sideshow, also with a wartime theme.

[Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, terror & war by Jeff Scheuer
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What the hell is wrong with people? You can’t just decide you no longer want to be a parent. Raising kids can be tough — especially as they get older. Kids don’t stay four years old and adorable forever. They grow up and have attitudes and problems and test you down to the bone. Hopefully you, the adult, did a good job during those formative years and that leads to an easier tween/teen experience; but really, that may not even make a difference. Some kids just rebel and it’s the parent’s job to deal with it.

People of Nebraska, are you crazy? You can’t just get rid of your children! USA Today did a great job reporting on the latest surrounding a Nebraska law that was meant to protect infants — so they aren’t found in closets wrapped in garbage bags. The law, as written, allows parents to leave children 17 and under at hospitals without fear of prosecution for abandonment. Parents seem to be making the most of this generous offer by the state and have been for months.

This is why some people should be required to take a “road test” before being allowed to conceive.

As a society we are always saying that our children are our future. How will a legally abandoned 14-year-old look at the world as an adult, assuming he’s not incarcerated within a couple of years?

Tags: family & parenting, on the law by Amy Boshnack
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Here, taken verbatim from an obituary in the Chicago Sun-Times, is the amazing story of a woman who succumbed in old age to a terrible disease, then by some mysterious agency was given a second chance at life, and took full advantage of it by enjoying another 79 years:   

“Born June 18, 1929 after a long struggle with Alzheimer’s disease, departed this life on Saturday, November 7, 2008.”

Good karma?  Nah, bad comma.

Tags: language & grammar, trusted media & news by Michael Antman
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Appearance matters. My mother has been telling me that for years. Business experts say you should dress for the job you want, not for the job you have. And it’s certainly fair to say that there are very few obese CEO’s out there. But where else does appearance matter?

Apparently, it matters in our produce, or to be more specific, European produce. I never really wondered why when I went to the pumpkin farm I would see all sorts of weird shaped pumpkins (which, of course, I would pass right by) but when I go to the supermarket I only see perfectly shaped carrots. As it turns out, there are laws about such things… well at least in Europe. But the European Union is breaking down those barriers and creating equality for 26 lucky fruits and vegetables; where shape and size will no longer matter. Well, that is, if the consumer can get past the stigma placed on buying deformed produce. Apples, strawberries, peaches, pears, tomatoes, and others were not so lucky.

I would buy a deformed banana. Would you?

Tags: recipes & food by Amy Boshnack
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…may be death and everlasting torment, but mangling a song by one of Satan’s best known minions at karaoke carries its own price, as two Wiscon-Sin men learned the hard way recently. Two additional, tangentially related thoughts: First, I love that one of these guys was named Cyrus. It reminds me of the lyrics to a classic Mountain Goats song about the eventual triumph of heavy metal-infused darkness (which I also reference in this column on the Middle East metal uprising). Second, it gives me the opportunity to say that, although I own selections from both, I have always found Dio’s Black Sabbath years much more satisfying than his solo work. Hipsters seem to love the latter for the opportunity it gives them to make exaggerated cock-rock faces, thereby scrubbing whatever traces of subtlety have somehow remained embedded in their studiously manufactured air of ironic detachment. The former, meanwhile, is largely and paradoxically overlooked precisely because an album such as Heaven and Hell does not to lend itself to such treatment. At least not entirely.

I realize I’m in the minority on this and many other issues of varying importance. Then again, as Dio himself once noted, “If you listen to fools…The mob rules!”

Tags: art & entertainment by Shawn Macomber
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August 1, 2008
I dream a charming villian drives my family’s bus. He makes quick u-turns, and each time my seat wobbles precariously. At first I don’t think he has anything to do with it, but then I realize I’m being naïve. Later on, the villian encourages people to say negative things about me and then he embellishes these negatives and uses them to attack my credibility in agit-prop street performances. A young man in our community, maybe about 15, foils the plan by making improper advances towards the villian. The young man makes agit-prop street performances in which the villian is made to look like a child molester.

August 8, 1995
I dream I am with my father and brother Danny, and we have to go somewhere in Danny’s car — an Alpha Romeo with only two seats. I ask Danny where I am supposed to sit, and he pulls out a little kid’s seat in the back. We travel to a cross between a university and a mall, where Gail’s family is having a party. At the party, Danny is clever and spellbinding and interesting, as usual, and I am a dud by comparison. Partygoers send me up to the fourteenth floor to pick up Danny’s cleaning.

January 1, 1994
I dream I am driving on a pillow in a combination of Los Angeles and Philadelphia. The man in the lane next to me is sympathetic, but an Asian man tries to run him into my lane. The sympathetic man pulls the Asian man over and yells at him for driving recklessly and for being unkind to those who can’t afford cars and must ride on their pillows.

Tags: Fred's dreams by Fred Siegel
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My husband and I talk about saving money all the time. A Rainy Day Fund. A New Roof Fund. A Mexico or Bust Fund. But we never do it. Saving money is hard. It’s like losing weight. It’s the type of thing that would be so much easier if you did it with a friend. But saving money with a friend? Preposterous! I’ve learned over the years it’s not a good idea to mix money with friends or family. Don’t go into business. Avoid giving out loans that you will inevitably need to ask for back. Money is the great evil monster that tramples friendships.

I think, however, that I’ve been proven wrong. My babysitter told me that she and nine friends each save a $100 a week together — for a payoff of $1,000 a week. My babysitter is from Guyana and her nine friends are from Trinidad. They are all female care-takers who met in my neighborhood, at the park, while tending to someone else’s children. One person is in charge of collecting $100, cash, each week from every woman participating. The $1,000 collected goes to a different woman each week. And every tenth week my babysitter gets her share.

OMG. I flood her with questions… Are you kidding? You trust these women? What if you are short one week and simply don’t have $100 to contribute? Is there a contract? How do you know the woman in charge won’t run off with your money? [Read more →]

Tags: money by Amy Boshnack
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When I first learned that Prop 8 stood firm in California, I was livid. I immediately hit the Internet and began researching why. What happened? Who was responsible for this?! The media immediately pointed at the large turnout of African Americans, and the irony that an oppressed minority group came out to vote for a black man, while simultaneously helping California write discrimination into its constitution. I could barely contain my anger. How hypocritical can you be? After all, up until 1967 blacks and whites couldn’t marry. The states wanted to protect the sanctity of marriage. Sound familiar? The very right you voted to take away from gays has only been yours for 40 years!

I blamed African Americans too. After all, 69% of African Americans voted for Proposition 8. Who else should I blame? Well, I gave it some thought and I came up with a whole bunch of people to blame. [Read more →]

Tags: his & hers, on the law by Jaclyn Roth
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After a break of about a year, I started reading the Wall Street Journal again just this week, and promptly encountered the following rather disturbing passage, in a page one feature article about the 300th and final bout of a British boxer, Peter Buckley, who’d lost 256 out of his 299 previous matches:

“With five seconds left Friday night, Mr. Buckley unleashed a wild swing for the last punch of his professional career.  It missed.

“The bell rang.  The crowd rose.  Peter Buckley’s name filled the air of a boxing arena for the first, and last, time.

“The judge’s decision came quickly.  The score was 40 to 38 points.  A tattooed arm was held up.  The perennial loser had won.”

I’ll explain why this particular passage bothered me so much in a moment, but first a word about a word:  “Crapitulation.” [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, trusted media & news by Michael Antman
4 Comments »

I had to get a root canal yesterday. I know what you’re thinking — “Lucky!”

I know, I know. Don’t be jealous. Root canals are a special treat. For this particular dental experience, I decided to go to a dentist who specializes in sedation dentistry. It was either that or just let the tooth rot out of my head. Honestly. I can no longer bring myself to volunteer for the waking torture of dental work. Not going to do it. Please just knock me out. [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, health & medical by Stephanie West
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Dear Ruby –

How does one politely decline pressures to join those annoying online social networks? Myspace pages look like crap and play songs you don’t want to hear automatically when you open the page. Facebook is for the kids, and I’m in my forties. I’m convinced LinkedIn has done nothing to advance anybody’s career or business. And I’m told being a Netflix Friend involves seeing each other’s movie queues . . . if a guy wants to watch Poison Ivy III to see Jaime Pressly naked why would he want to share that knowledge with friends insisting he immerse himself in the French New Wave?

It’s easy to avoid joining things in the real world as if you continually fail to show up, people eventually leave you alone. Such an approach doesn’t seem to work with the online groups. Is there a simple way to deal with these nudges in my inbox to be part of online communities?

Thanks, Herm

Dear Herm,
You’re not alone. Everyone with friends, family, coworkers and an email address has probably been invited to network in this strangely static, and faceless way.

I used to get in a dither when LinkedIn invitations came in, especially from higher ups. I used to wonder about my Classmates enough to surf around that site, and I’ve acquired one of those creepy Netflix friends (thank God she’s stopped asking me why I keep adding Shaun of the Dead to my queue).

So I pulled the plug. I don’t explain, I ignore. I’ve got a folder full of unanswered invites, and yet . . . I still get asked to parties, I still get calls from friends. I haven’t been fired or cold-shouldered at the water cooler.

Ask yourself a question. Do you remember how you felt when a cute girl or cool senior offered you his or her yearbook to sign? Did they call you later to offer you a great job or free sex?

My advice, Herm? Screw it. If pressed, tell them you have a social networking firewall — and then find somebody designing one and buy stock. By the way, those French new wave films? Full of naked people. Just saying.

Ruby

Ask Ruby about your peeves and problems.

Tags: advice by Ruby Mac
1 Comment »

Like a lot of Americans, I was glued to the television on Tuesday night. I flipped from network to network evaluating the coverage, ripping apart the guests, and loving the graphics — which were just insane and over the top… but fantastic. It was great that, for a moment, Brian Williams had his director drop out the graphics so viewers could see the green screen Ann Curry was walking on. Those designers certainly deserve a round of applause.

But, by far, the most outrageous bit of new news technology came from CNN with their hologram import of guests and correspondents. Slate V remixes Wolf Blitzer’s debut encounter with this technology into an encounter with Princess Leia. It had me laughing out loud.

Personally, I think I would have rather seen these images sharp and clear on any one of the many HD TVs they had all around the set, but I have to admit, part of me liked it.  Did you think the graphics were cool… or just unnecessary and distracting?

Tags: technology, trusted media & news by Amy Boshnack
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Paula: Now that the election is over and Obama has won, I wonder how much of his success can be owed to the influence of Jewish grandchildren on their grandparents. You’ve probably seen Sarah Silverman’s famed YouTube piece, The Great Schlep. The fact is, there was plenty of arm-twisting going on — I know because my daughter and her friends were very involved with getting their grandparents to vote for Obama. And he did end up winning Florida.

 
  Robert: The idea that these grandchildren were successful in persuading the older folks to vote for Obama is startling to me. Among African Americans, there is not a sense that young people can or are supposed to persuade older folks of anything. There is a lot of faux praise of the wisdom of the elderly among African Americans. I’m not sure all this respect is “real,” but it is real to the extent that it discourages young black folks from playing this type of role with their parents. Young black folks would just do their thing in opposition to the older folks. But they wouldn’t be invited to an opportunity to sit and persuade.

[Read more →]

Tags: conversations with Paula and Robert, family & parenting by Paula Marantz Cohen
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August 14, 2008
I dream I am in a combination library/university center. Some guy who has been talking to a lot of people has a yellow pad filled with questions about me. Apparently, he has read some of my evaluations and he doesn’t understand why students and supervisors have said positive things.  I don’t seem to him to be entertaining or energetic or interesting or engaged. So not too far from earshot from him, I sit down with my brother, Dan. I tell him something is troubling me. I have noticed that somebody has written on a yellow pad, and on this yellow pad I am being evaluated. The guy overhears this, and explains to me that I seem to be pretty much a dud — an unimpressive person. I know that I could suddenly become energetic and impressive, but I decide I am not interested in performing for this guy.

[Read more →]

Tags: Fred's dreams by Fred Siegel
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I read an article at Men’s Fitness and almost lost it. Do guys really need a guide like this? Hey, men out there… can you hear me? You are all fixer-uppers. It’s nothing personal. We love you. But let’s be honest for a moment… you are far from perfect. And these situations were so not on-point. “If she grimaces when you order the 32-ounce rib eye and suggests you order the chicken instead” — my advice — get out while you can! Here are a list of things I can see a guy doing that might warrant some fixing up… and no, these are not all based on my man, who was a major fixer-upper 16 years ago and is now only a mild fixer-upper:

• Hanging out with your ex-girlfriend, texting your ex-girlfriend, facebooking your ex-girlfriend
• Farting at the table or picking your nose in front of anyone (can’t you just go to a bathroom?)
• Choosing a sporting event over attending anything of importance
• Falling asleep on the couch in the middle of a get together with a group of friends
• Falling asleep on the couch during a holiday party at your aunt’s house

And by the way, if she’s running her hands through your hair in an effort to restyle it… take the hint!

Mandatory Disclaimer: I know I am not perfect and am happily making fun of the fact men think they might be!

Tags: his & hers by Amy Boshnack
2 Comments »

Seriously?  This is the best the Republicans could do? I keep thinking we’re being punk’d. I envision Ashton Kutcher, breaking through a polar ice cap with a frozen camera crew and announcing that he’s pulled off the ultimate prank. I know we’re at the end of the game here. I know it’s all been said. Regardless, I just can’t get over the fact that this woman was ever invited to the party in the first place. Blows my mind.

Tags: art & entertainment, politics & government by Jaclyn Roth
1 Comment »

It occurred to little Jimmy Peter one August morning, after the electricity went and video games with it, that he hadn’t even opened the chemistry set he’d received from his parents for Christmas. In the backyard Jimmy tested the Bunsen burner’s flame on the chemistry set’s instruction book. He smiled with satisfaction as the 55 pages of red warnings in 11 languages burned away. No sooner had Jimmy mixed a clear liquid with a thick blue, added just a dash of salt, and heated the concoction, than a monstrous orange cloud wafted from his test tube and was picked up by the wind and carried away. The cloud continued to expand as it departed. He stared at it for a second, but the whole thing rather bored Jimmy, and he went inside to play with the dog.

The cloud soon covered the west coast of the United States, reached the east coast within hours, and had crossed the Atlantic by dark. Air raid sirens and emergency broadcast systems around the world were dusted off as people taped their windows and fought over bread and bottled water at the supermarkets. Lines for gas backed traffic up for miles and the price for a gallon nearly doubled. Industry insiders blamed increased demand, but Democrats pointed to a corrupt capitalist economy and decreased support for school lunch programs. Senior Republicans noted that this could all have been avoided if only kids prayed in school and we supported our troops. [Read more →]

Tags: creative writing, politics & government by Scott Stein
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Four years ago and four years before that, I was registered to vote in Northern California.  Just as in the current election, the chances of California going to anyone other than a Democrat was somewhere between slim and none.  So, while technically speaking, California’s 55 votes in the electoral college are consistently important, simply because of the sway those votes could carry, in practice, one’s individual vote seems somehow less vital, more diluted.  Regardless of which candidate you, your friends, or your neighbors select, the Democrat at the top of the ticket is likely to get the nod.  Oh, how I miss those halcyon hippy days!

In Ohio, things are different. [Read more →]

Tags: politics & government by Les Kay
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On the day before this momentous election I thought I would take a moment to figure out which political party I really belong to… if any. I know who I am going to vote for. I have known for months — because there are a few issues that are very important to me. But just the other day a friend told me about this political site that has a simple Vote Match Quiz which, based on your responses, spits out the name of the candidate you most agree with. So, I took the quiz.

Well, shit, it spit out the wrong candidate. Not only did it tell me my choice goes against my true political leanings, it indicated that I am not even registered with the correct party. What the hell? I have been doing everything right. I’ve taken this election more seriously than any election I’ve voted in the past. I’ve paid attention. I’ve paid close attention. I’ve tried to recognize false reports in reported truths. I even watched every debate, intently, unlike others.

I honestly feel connected with my choice for President. Is it bad if I go with my gut on this one?

Tags: politics & government by Amy Boshnack
8 Comments »