Supreme Court Hears Xenu petition

Supreme Court Hears Xenu petition

Posted on September 15th, 2008 by David "Preacher" Slocum

Washington DC September 15, 2020 — Citing the acceptance of the Sharia Courts by the Former Great Britain’s High Court as a separate but parallel legal system, The Church of Scientology filed a case in Superior Court for a ruling on the creation of a “Xenu the All Powerful Court of the Spiritually Rehabilitated.”

According to an unnamed Scientology spokesman at this morning’s press conference, the creation of this court would “allow the enlightened to face an enlightened court that would understand the challenges of the spiritually rehabilitated at various levels and fees.”

Opponents of this bill cite the widespread abuse initially reported under the Sharia Courts in the former Great Britain. Prior to the abdication of King Charles, shortly after he ascended the throne, the entire government resigned en-masse in protest when the House of Lords was closed in favor of the Council of Muslim Clerics. The newly elected Religious Leader and head Cleric of Great Britain, Mohammad Aliq Sharif, made his first act a change of the name of the nation to New Islaamabad. His acceptance speech called for an end to the “heretical so-called ‘Free Press’ and the creation of a Ministry for Public Information.”

More recent statements from the New Islaamabad Minister of Information Ali Hassan Farouq, blamed radical Christian separatists as the cause of the short-lived unrest and claim that all is well in the new Islaamic Paradise. Independent confirmation is unavailable at this time due to the border closings and the bombing of the New Islaamabad-France tunnel, the “Chunnel.”

President For Life Obama has publicly stated that his intention is to help pass legislation making the creation of a Sharia Court in the US his first priority in the new year. “We must embrace change!” was his battle cry from his secret bunker somewhere on the coast of Mexico.

The Church of Scientology’s stated goal is to have their court in place prior to the predicted return of Xenu in 2022. The ‘Xenu Court,’ as it is being called, will be staffed by the unanimous appointment of three justices, John Travolta, Jerry Seinfeld and Kirstie Alley, and led by Xenu Supreme Justicar Tom Cruise who claims to be the reincarnation of the Sci/Fi author and Patron Saint of Scientology, L Ron Hubbard.