10. Man o’ Peace
9. It’s A Grand Old Nag
8. No Way José
7. Artificial Hip
6. Save-Your-Money
5. Mucilage
4. Stumblebum
3. Tripod
2. Chris Christie
1. Wrong Way Corrigan
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
10. He doesn’t chase cats so much as amble in their general direction
9. Instead of “Lassie” you’ve decided to call her “Assy”
8. Whenever he plays dead, he can’t get up again
7. He has to eat Lipitor-enhanced Friskies
6. His chew toy is a 12-pound ham
5. You finally realized he isn’t barking “Ruff Ruff Ruff” but “Stuffed Crust Pizza”
4. He spends half his time stuck in the doggie door
3. He answers to the name “Chris Christie”
2. Instead of a GPS chip, you just use Google Earth
1. In the evening, you don’t take your dog for a walk; you take him for a roll
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
Here, in Texas, we have an annual influx of ‘snowbirds’ … large masses of gente norteña fleeing the winter weather ‘up north’ to enjoy a season of clear skies and milder temperatures ‘down south.’ It’s a long and time-honored tradition … for many years, my great-grand-aunt and uncle made their own annual migration from Leisuretown, New Jersey down to the sun and surf of Florida. And it’s also a tremendous economic boon to parts of Texas that enjoy an annual influx of cash in return for all things leisure – goods, services, opportunities, you name it.
Not all snowbirds travel to Texas by R.V. … and it is THEY who provide US an opportunity, a chance to observe something not-often-seen in these parts of the U.S. Here’s a shot I took of two extraordinary snowbirds in Llano County, Texas, this past week. Regular visitors in the process of raising a brood of future snowbirds.
So anyway, yesterday I was driving down a country road when I spotted a decapitated stag lying in a ditch. The strange thing was that its head had been cleaved neatly from the body, leaving a perfect anatomical cross-section-type view of the interior of the neck. A car accident doesn’t do that – and even if it did, I’d still expect to see the head nearby, surrounded by turkey vultures pecking at the soft parts.
I briefly thought about vivisectionist aliens before settling on a redneck with a chainsaw as the likeliest explanation. No doubt he’d spotted the dead stag during the day then returned under cover of night to remove the “rack” for his collection. [Read more →]
10. As a youth, he was always having wet dreams
9. They were thrown together when he was out scuba diving one day and accidentally got caught up in a tuna net
8. After seeing the recent Morgan Freeman movie, he was inspired to go out and get some of that ‘dolphin tail’
7. He loves the ocean, but felt a non-mammal would be a bit too kinky
6. He was trying to make his goldfish jealous
5. In his teens, he completely flipped for Flipper
4. He thought a killer whale might be a bit too risky
3. He didn’t fall in love with her on porpoise
2. There was just something about her ‘come hither’ blowhole
1. He always heard Finnish girls were the best
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
A couple of my pals live in Vietnam. I want to visit them sometime soon, and one of the things I wish to see is the slaughter of live cobras at local restaurants. It happens, apparently. The Web site Matador Nights has the skinny:
“Munching on cobra parts is likely an adaptation of the Chinese medical belief that ingesting an animal will endow the eater with its positive attributes. This is why tiger penises are so expensive nowadays…
There is a dog room and a cat room. The dog room contains stalls and cages built into the walls along with large, wheeled fourplexes for the young and the small. Also in the dog room is an endless peal of barking, howling and scratching. The cat room is more like the section in the old Woolworth’s where they sold the goldfish and parakeets. Basically there are aquaria but with grillwork instead of glass and within the grillwork are tiny mewling bits of fluff, at this time all nameless. Little cards describe them briefly with a guess at their breed and a good estimate of their age which is given in weeks or months. In a dog cage in the cat room there was one enormous middle-aged creature who had already enjoyed a breadth of life far beyond what his cave-cat ancestors could have expected. His name was Arthur. [Read more →]
10. Runs Like A Girl
9. Papa’s Got A Brand New Nag
8. Lackluster
7. Sassy Sashay
6. Last Chance Harvey
5. Dances with Gluepots
4. Newt
3. Runs Sideways
2. Push ’Em Back! Shove ’Em Back! Swayback!
1. Limping Biscuit
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
A few months ago, I got pretty high and mighty about other people calling my son a dog. I was a little offended that another woman had the audacity to compare my child to her puppy. And now, I am heading out to buy him a child harness. Also known as a leash. Yes, dear reader, I’m buying my child a leash. Karma can be a real bitch, no?. [Read more →]
