10. Everybody knows how much men love their cars!

9. He was very confused about the term ‘carjacking’

8. He swears the headlights kept winking at him

7. Seriously, Dude, have you ever even seen a Maserati Bora?!

6. PCP and Jack Daniels don’t mix

5. He was parked on Lover’s Lane, and one thing led to another

4. No way could he resist that junk in the trunk!

3. The new car smell really turned him on

2. He thought it would be fun to impale an Impala

1. When he told his friends how lonely he was, they suggested autoeroticism
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, drugs & alcohol, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
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It has been a very bizarre couple of days for me. I went to a hockey game and met a hair band legend, I have mice in my house, and I drank one of the malt beverages that the media is up in arms about and facebook is all abuzz over. Ahh, the highs and lows of a 34 year old father who still thinks he is 22. [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, Marty digs, sports by Marty O'Connor
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10. Has pictures of Barry Bonds all over his bedroom

9. During gym class rope climb, he yanked down half the ceiling

8. He’s always Googling “the best way to get around urine tests”

7. His personal trainer: Alex Rodriguez’s cousin

6. This year he’s a starting fullback; last year he was an oboist in the school band

5. Buys all his clothes at Big, Tall & ’Roidy

4. Makes Lou Ferrigno look like Justin Bieber

3. He shaves twice a day, and he’s in the fifth grade

2. His right arm is enormous, and he doesn’t masturbate

1. He doesn’t masturbate, because there’s nothing to hold onto
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: advice, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, drugs & alcohol, sports by Bob Sullivan
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This Grey Goose Mango Lemonade is my favorite summer cocktail. It is so refreshing and goes down nice and smooth. But be careful, it will sneak up on you!  [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, recipes & food by Jessica Alfreds
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I know y’all have seen the new V-8 commercial on the Tube these days.  There’s a 20 something out walking past a store front window (I think it’s a gym), and he pauses, pulls out a V-8, cracks the sucker open and gulps that bad boy down like he’s in some frat party’s “Who can shotgun a beer the fastest?” contest.

It’s the most truth-in-advertising we’ve seen in a long while. 

[Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, recipes & food by Mike McGowan
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Democratic senator Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey is calling for the FDA to ban dissolvable tobacco products. These products, which include pellets, sticks, and strips, are marketed as an alternative to smoking.

And lung cancer. And certain death.

But Senator Lautenberg, that great defender of small children and furry animals (or is it furry children and small animals?), finds something nefarious about this. He argues that if young children were to see these concoctions as candy, and swallow a whole bottle of them, they could get sick.

However, when told that any pill or medication could be misconstrued as candy, the senator decided to take the ban to its logical conclusion, by calling for the end of all privately-owned medicine. [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, politics & government by Colin Cohen
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I recently gave up caffeine. I haven’t had caffeine in about a month. I only rarely drank coffee anyway — it sometimes upset my stomach, so I usually avoided it. Instead I often drank green tea in the morning, and at some point during the day, Coca-Cola. In a typical day I would drink one or two cans of Coke, or some or all of a 20-ounce bottle. [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, recipes & food by Scott Stein
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10. Your “exclusive beachside accommodations” have a half moon on the door

9. The only alcohol in your hotel is in the mouthwash

8. The “meal plan” is all you can catch with your bare hands

7. The only ‘girls’ you’ve seen all week have unusually large hands and Adam’s apples

6. You’ve spent most of it sitting on the runway waiting for your pilots to sober up

5. The closest thing you’ve gotten to a tan came from some poison ivy you sat in

4. When the travel agent told you you’d get some action, he never once mentioned the word ‘Afghanistan’

3. The guy running the Bungee jump doesn’t know how to subtract

2. The “ocean view” requires you to tune in to Channel 4

1. What you thought was a mint left on your pillow just crawled away
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, drugs & alcohol, travel & foreign lands by Bob Sullivan
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Houston Chronicle – The choice facing Drug Enforcement Administration agent Joe Dubois and FBI agent Daniel Fuentes was simple: Hold their ground to be riddled with machine-gun fire, or be captured by drug-cartel henchmen who would diabolically interrogate them using pliers, blowtorches or worse.

DEA agent Joe Dubois, in an exclusive interview with the Houston Chronicle, finally shares his story of a hostile showdown with Mexican drug kingpin Osiel Cardenas in 1999. While gathering intelligence just across the border, Dubois and FBI agent Daniel Fuentes refused to surrender after their car was surrounded by three vehicles and a dozen or so gunman with assault rifles. Cardenas himself pounded on the glass of the car and demanded surrender. He even smiled at the FBI badges, and raised an AK-47 to the window. But Dubois stood firm, teaching us a few lessons that transcend the War on Drugs. [Read more →]

Tags: drugs & alcohol, terror & war by Robert O'Hara
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Dear When Falls the Coliseum,

I am 8 years old and a cute, innocent little girl. My friends told me that there is no such thing as St. Patrick, and that St. Patrick’s Day was just an excuse to let grownups get drunk. Are my friends right?

Sincerely,

Virginia

Dear Virginia,

As I sit here at my computer savoring my fourth Irish coffee of the morning (top o’ the morning to you!), I can’t help but to feel melancholic about your question. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, drugs & alcohol by Ricky Sprague
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