In my line of work I deal with several overseas factories. I received an email earlier from a contact in a China facility. He inquired about some items we are sourcing and he signed off with, “We look forward to results of your election. The whole world is waiting.”
The whole world is waiting.
Please join us in welcoming our newest contributors: Amy Boshnack, Van McCourt, and Jaclyn Roth. See their bios to find links to their posts on When Falls the Coliseum.
It’s Halloween and I am an ass. I did something really dumb, though I’m pretty sure I’ve fixed it with little consequence. About two months ago my daughter told me that she wanted to be Spider-Man for Halloween (I blame my brother and his son). I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to be Spider-Man; I am far from a princess myself and was, in fact, a tomboy in school (again, blame my brother). My problem was with the costume itself, because it covers you completely — so that no one would be able to tell that she is a girl. Why the hell does that matter? I am not even sure myself.
This is where the “ass” part comes in… I convinced her to be Catwoman — but when I went to purchase the Catwoman costume I realized it looks better fit for someone attending an S&M party. Seriously, take a look at the costume. What is wrong with people? So then I had to lie to her and tell her that Catwoman really just looks like a black cat and I bought cat ears, a tail, and some make-up. She fell for it!
She happily wore her black cat costume to Sesame Place during an October Halloween weekend. All was good in life. But then last weekend she absolutely refused to put it back on for Boo at the Zoo (an annual Halloween thing at the Bronx Zoo). She said the make-up for her cat face was itchy. And then she stood up and declared that she would not be Catwoman for Halloween.
Feeling guilty that I’d convinced her of this costume in the first place, I told her she could be anything she wants. One guess what she chose… and one guess who is wearing the black cat costume. I am such an ass!
Dear Ruby,
After a pretty decent first 11 years of marriage, we are now paycheck-to-paycheck due to the rising cost of everything and a couple of unforeseen emergencies, one with a car and one with a relative. We took a big hit in our 401ks, we’re overmortgaged, and our kids are in private schools.
We cut up our credit cards, we’re going to go down to one car, and we may even take in a roommate, so we’re not panicking yet. But I am completely stressed! I am completely mad that we can’t go to any of our favorite restaurants and have to say no when the kids want to go to a movie! I feel like I’m in a cage going slowly crazy, and here’s what my husband says when I’m at the end of my rope, “Sex is free.” Should I kill him?
Regards,
Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
Are you well-insured and can you make it look like an accident?
No, you should not kill him. And brace yourself, he’s right.
As you may have noticed, men are different when it comes to sex. I’m pretty sure that most men could have fairly okay sex while they are actively having their collarbone broken. They just can. In the moment, they don’t care if they’re sick or rich or awake or on fire, they just can. It is their way.
And, although it’s technically free, sex does have costs for women. It will take major mental and emotional effort for you, stuck as you are in the school-age doldrums when the kids might not only be awake when you do it, but might actually know what you’re doing and mentally scoring you and/or taking notes for their future therapists.
You’re also stuck in a major state of stress, which works like a tranquilizer dart on women’s sex drives (Different from men’s. See above.) And you’re also feeling crabby and constrained and maybe even — let’s face it — resentful toward Prince Charming for not doing a better job of taxing peasants or whatever he should have done to keep you living happily ever after.
But, it will be worth it because sex is more than free. It releases endorphins, it cements your relationship bonds, which are probably feeling a little swampy lately. It relieves stress and it’s a good way to channel your aggression (I was only kidding about the collarbone, unless you’re into that.). And, hey, it burns calories.
You’ll get through this. Some free sex might just help. A bottle of good, cheap wine (optional). A secure lock on the bedroom door (mandatory). Loud enough music. It don’t cost a thang.
Trying to make do (or make whoopee) with less? Tell Ruby about it.
If one more celebrity says they are going to leave the country if “so and so” wins the election, I’m going to physically remove them myself. How ego maniacal do you have to be to think that anyone would care if you stayed or left? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Project Runway fan, but if Heidi Klum were to up and leave, I’m pretty confident that I would survive just fine, as would the rest of the country. I understand the sentiment behind their statement and while I agree with Heidi and Seal’s politics, it’s somewhat obnoxious to proclaim how easy it would be for them to simply relocate to another country, considering the economic state of our country. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult to summon your private plane and be whisked away to one of your many homes overseas.
Oh and Stephen Baldwin, can you leave no matter who wins? Please? Unless there’s a Threesome sequel in the hopper, I really don’t see any reason for you to stick around.
I’ve been thinking a lot about organ donation lately and a story on MSNBC about a mom hoping to have a hand transplant hit home. I am not an organ donor, nor am I prepared to say I want to be one. But I am not sure why. Why do I hesitate at the chance to give someone else the opportunity to, in some cases, live? What the hell is wrong with me?
When I do think about what organs I would be willing to donate, should I change my mind, I immediately think about things that are inside my body — things that no one would be able to tell went missing. That seems to bother me less. Well, except my heart; I am not so sure I would be willing to let that go. But then I think, really, if a doctor took my heart (after I am already, of course, utterly and completely dead) and gave it to someone who needed it, why should that bother me? I am not going to need it anymore… or will I?
Jerry Orbach donated his eyes. His eyes! How will he see? Okay, obviously he is dead, he won’t need them anymore… so why am I having so much trouble with this?
How do I get past this silly feeling I have of violation? If I am dead, I’m dead, right?
Inside Higher Ed recently published Why More Colleges Want Jewish Students. Jews send their kids to college at a high rate and the kids are generally smart and good students and participate in campus activities. Schools apparently believe that increasing the Jewish student population can improve the school’s overall academic standing and environment. The article examines whether this is a welcome trend that embraces a favorable stereotype or whether something more troubling is going on.
All of this might have you wondering, why is it that Jews do so well in school and are so smart? Fortunately for you, I have the answer. It all comes down to circumcision. You heard me. [Read more →]
Talk about unlucky. A man stole a pickup truck outside of a concert near Dallas and then drove right past the owner of the truck — a police officer who was directing traffic at the event. The cop recognized the vehicle as his own and, after an ill-advised getaway attempt, the thief was apprehended. As someone who’s had his car stolen, I would certainly understand a little police brutality in this case.
That’s just dumb luck, while this is just dumb: This guy drove a stolen SUV to court on the day the jury was deciding “whether to convict him in a separate auto theft case.” But this guy was actually pretty smart — he robbed a bank and made his getaway in style when he hopped into a waiting black limousine. At least he got away.
Not this guy, who was “charged with driving while intoxicated twice in the same day in upstate New York” — first he stopped at state police headquarters, while intoxicated, to ask for directions. Then, still drunk, he returned to take his car from the police parking lot instead of “sleeping it off,” as the troopers had instructed. He was arrested a short time later. He’s clearly too dumb to have a car.
Not to be outdone in dumbness, “[t]hree Oklahoma City men were arrested after playing ‘chicken’ with a police car.” Good thing they weren’t playing with this guy: “A policeman chosen officer of the year in Council Bluffs, Iowa, has been charged with drunken driving.”
I never really much liked politics. The current election started years ago, and I’ve been resolved to apathy all the while. However, having spent the last two months surrounded by the local chapter of Cheerleaders for Obama, I feel compelled to voice my views.
I am truly unsure of what my political views are. The foundation of my views is best summarized by Mr. Justice Douglas: “The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.” Pub. Utils. Comm’n of D.C. v. Pollak, 343 U.S. 451, 467 (1952) (Douglas, J., dissenting). However, as to what end this leads me, I am unsure. On the one hand, it could lead to the individualistic views of libertarianism. On the other hand, it could lead to some view of communal living or some other utopian society. All I know for sure is that it does not lead to the sort of mediocrity that today’s politics is made of.
As we near Election Day, you really have to struggle to see the policy differences between Mr. McCain and Mr. Obama. Sure, they have very different ideologies, will select different judges and justices, and will push for different legislation. However, the legislation will all be fundamentally flawed — a product of compromise and moderation. Fundamentally, I have no idea where the candidates stand, beyond the fact that one is a bit to the right and the other a bit to the left.
We are far from the wisdom of Mr. Justice Black, who reminds us of a day when things were much simpler: “[The First] Amendment provides, in simple words, that ‘Congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.’ I read ‘no law . . . abridging’ to mean no law abridging.” Smith v. California, 361 U.S. 147, 157 (1959) (Black, J., concurring). Politics and law today are an exercise in pragmatism, rather than principles. I feel this exercise is doomed to fail, as society becomes an ever-increasing hodgepodge of regulation without any real basis in fundamental principles.
Why, you might ask, is my blog headlined “Vaginal Cleansing?” Well, the short answer is I saw just about the funniest video on this topic.
The only time I’ve seen the show Chelsea Lately (hosted by Chelsea Handler) is when it’s been made fun of by Joel McHale on Talk Soup. That is until I came across this Amy Sedaris interview on You Tube. Before you click on the link and press the play button, make sure the young kids are out of the room — and if you want to get right to the part that had me in stitches, start watching at about a minute fifty in. In short, designer Todd Oldham created a vagina for Sedaris to demonstrate how a woman might cleanse herself. And Sedaris made him proud.
