I keep reading that this is a “trophy for everybody” world now. The lack of trophies on my desk make me think that this is just hyperbole, although it could just be that I have not competed in anything that would earn me one of these trophies just for being there. On second thought, I have several medals I received for finishing somewhere in the thousands in a bunch of races, so I guess I agree with the original premise. Still, when you get into organized sports beyond the type that anyone can just join because he or she feels like it, there is usually a distinct winner at the end, and that is as it should be. Occasionally, there are examples to the contrary, and this is where the supposed fun begins. Fun for columnists, not for players, of course. The state of Ohio held its high school hockey championships last week, and when the ice dust cleared, no one won. Or everyone won. It’s hard to tell. [Read more →]

Tags: bad sports, good sports // 4 Comments »

You can do what you want for therapeutic relaxation. I’ll sort Legos. This is fortunate for me, because I have about 20,000 loose Legos in my house. I should say had, because I’m down to about 2,000, as I have, yet again, methodically gone through my boys’ gigantic plastic bin and sorted their Legos by color into gallon-sized Ziploc bags. Those guys are going, yet again, to rebuild their 70+ Lego sets – whether they like it or not. [Read more →]

Tags: virtual children by Scott Warnock // 8 Comments »

10. Shamburgers

9. Peking Yuck

8. Barbecue Fibs

7. Not Dogs

6. Gulp Fiction

5. Faked Goods

4. Mis-Steak

3. Sloppy Faux

2. Frankenfurters

1. Spam
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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When people cheat in the professional ranks, it is a shame. When there is cheating in college sports, it seems a little bit worse, since the players there are younger and are, ostensibly, still kids for the most part. Cheating at the high school level, though, takes it all much farther down a path where there can be no explanation beyond just bad people. In nearly all of those situations, of course, adults are either the ones doing the cheating or they are at least aware and complicit in some way. This week’s example comes from Curie Metropolitan High School in Chicago, whose basketball team was ranked second in USA Today’s national rankings until it was revealed that seven of the team’s players were actually academically ineligible to play.

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Tags: bad sports, good sports // 1 Comment »

10. “Look at some of those necklines! I just hope Jonah Hill keeps his thing in his pants.”

9. “Streep’s up for Best Actress? How odd!”

8. “Well, obviously the fix is in. Not a single nomination for Grown-Ups 2.”

7. “Tyler Perry should be up for Best Actor and Best Actress.”

6. “Who’s that gay blond white dude hostin’ this thing?”

5. “I hear George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are making another movie together – he’s a dentist, she’s his assistant – called Cavity.”

4. “I only hope I live long enough to see them include me in that In Memoriam segment.”

3. “There have been so many extraordinary performances – Darlene Love, Pink, U2, Bette Midler, Idina Menzel – I’m getting tired of standing for all the standing ovations!”

2. “Explain to me again why Sharknado isn’t up for anything?”

1. “This is getting so boring. I just wish Jonah Hill would take his thing out of his pants.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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O my child, in your bright tiny uniform, I use this spell to transfer my aggression, my radiant energy through the ether to you. [Read more →]

Tags: sports, virtual children by Scott Warnock // 7 Comments »

I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 444440: What’s with the trend of the growling announcer? — these TV narrators who chew their words and turn the letter S into “Sh”*, as they speak, and then end their sentences with growls? Have ye heard this, O observant minions? (It’s like James Hetfield changed careers, for Pete’s sake.) Look for these angry elocutors on ABC Family Channel and on car commercials and on Discovery channel. Is this just one guy, or another example of meatballs-for-heads nature of the average person? Oh! That is successful! I will imitate it exactly, instead of carving my own niche! And after that, I will write a book about a kid who goes to a wizard school and I will call him Larry Trotter! Oh, the Emperor will find out and then…

The Punishment: These grumbling goofballs will be given growling lessons by a real expert.  In small cage. That is locked.

*A special thank-you to faithful minion “azchurch” for reminding us about the annoying speech-trend of turning the letter S into “sh.” We blame the original 90210. (One is much better advised to spend time with 90125.)

Now, go forth and obey.

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Tags: television, The Emperor decrees // 3 Comments »

One of the things I see regularly that really gets under my skin is this bizarre sense of entitlement that so many people seem to have developed, particularly young people. I don’t know where it comes from or why it’s so pervasive, but everywhere I turn I encounter yet another example of it. In a sports-related story, we had a good illustration of it last week at West Chester University. At halftime of a basketball game between the school and Shippensburg University, a student was given the chance to win $10,000 by hitting a series of shots. According to the rules of the contest, he failed to win, despite the fact that it appeared he had indeed won. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to actually lose…a national pizza chain picked up on the uproar that followed and came up with the money for the kid. Everyone was happy…except me, of course.

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Tags: bad sports, good sports // 5 Comments »

10. It stars Meryl Streep, but not the famous one

9. It’s called Captain Phillips Milk of Magnesia

8. Adam Sandler has never been wackier

7. The world wasn’t ready for an all-gerbil version of Death of a Salesman

6. It’s rated ‘R’ for ‘Ridiculous’

5. The iPod Nano product placements detract from the prehistoric setting

4. The title contains the words “Lone” or “Ranger”

3. It stars Chris Christie in a remake of A Bridge Too Far

2. There’s no category called ‘Biggest Asshole’

1. Roger Ebert returned from Heaven just so he could give it two thumbs down
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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I have been declared Emperor of the World. Let us not waste time explaining why or how; let’s all simply accept the fact that we are better off, as a result; hence, my next decree:

Emperor’s Decree No. 5-5: First off, there is an “I” on every team in every sport. And the “I” stands for people who carry their teams. We could give you a list, but why take up space? Second, the Emperor never could have risen to this status of world dominance and power if he had thought as part of a “team.” (Truly, the only team of which you need to be part is the one that does what it is told to do by the Emperor.) Teams? Let them concentrate on stuffing their balls into nets. The rest will go on trying to forge a path for themselves and learning to think on their own so that we don’t turn  into a world full of bees in a hive. “Team effort.” Blech.

The Punishment: Those who use the word “team” outside of a mile radius form a sports field will be force to sit for a year in what the Imperial Dungeonmaster likes to call “The Penalty Box.” (You don’t want to know.)

The Emperor will grace the world with a new decree each Tuesday morning.

Now, go forth and obey.

Tags: language & grammar, The Emperor decrees // 5 Comments »

What’s wrong with people? I really need to know. Perhaps I should run a contest…people could send in their answers and the best answer would qualify the sender for some sort of fabulous prize, like maybe a lifetime subscription to Bad Sports, Good Sports (you really can subscribe). It’s a tough question, though, and I reserve the right to decide that none of the answers are suitable. As an example of how hard this question is, consider what has been happening to Rashaan Evans, a high school football player from Alabama, over the last couple of weeks.

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10. “That’s the gayest opening ceremony I’ve ever seen!”

9. “I guess they’ll be taking Shaun White’s picture off all those gum packages now.”

8. “Man, the drinking water’s the same color, whether it’s going in or out of my body.”

7. “That woman curler gives great broom!”

6. “I said I’m a ‘biathlete’, not a ‘bi athlete’!”

5. “I haven’t seen this much slush since that explosion at the Icee factory.”

4. “Do you have a door knob on your side?!!”

3. “I just borrowed that guy’s ChapStick, then realized it was Bob Costas.”

2. “Why would President Putin ask me to oil up his bare chest?”

1. “Is that a microphone?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. I pray your Valentine’s Day is the best.

9. I know mine will be, if I am with you.

8. Since first we met, I know that I’ve been blessed!

7. And all the Love I felt then only grew

6. Up through today, when it is all-consuming!

5. So great, I sense that we are on the verge

4. Of something “wholly new” suddenly blooming!

3. As we two merge in an electric surge!

2. We’ll fire up, and burst on through the roof!

1. And as for Heaven, we’ll be living proof!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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I landed in New Delhi, inhaled, and immediately liked India. [Read more →]

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I walk the line of liking (and, I guess believing) in youth sports while feeling that big-time sports structures in our culture are broken. What can we do? Well, stop watching. I never watch college football or basketball, on principle, for instance. Feeble gesture, indeed, and I don’t chastise friends (too much) for their viewing preferences, especially in light of my addiction to the violent, shameless NFL. But when I read a recent piece by Philadelphia Inquirer high schools spots writer Phil Anastasia about out-of-state high school football games, I was dismayed. [Read more →]

Tags: sports, virtual children by Scott Warnock // 7 Comments »

Oh, good. It’s Olympics time again. Actually, no, it’s not good. I feel like I should care, but I don’t. Four years ago at this time, I wrote a column about how I don’t like the Olympics, and the passage of time has not changed that opinion much. This time, actually, I have found even more reasons than usual to avoid watching the games, although those are more related to the host country of Russia than they are to the athletic competitions.

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10. Labradoodle

9. Snickerdoodle

8. Belgian Airehead

7. Kickapoo

6. Chechen Rebel

5. Lhasa Shih Tzu

4. Mexican Hairy

3. Jack Russell Crowe

2. Boston Blackie

1. Chihuahua Mastiff
 
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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“The only hotel in the UK with its own polo fields.” Having worked in professions that required me both to read and to write many press releases, I have come to appreciate phrases that make me say, “I have never seen quite that combination of words before.” Such is the case with Coworth Park in Ascot, England. I’ve been fortunate enough to do a fair amount of traveling and experience accommodations at a variety of quality levels, but this is the only one that made me understand the drive to build an empire.

To begin, I should note that, no matter how many times I visit Britain, I still tend to see it through the filter of film/TV. My subconscious wants to classify all of the United Kingdom as either:
–Downton Abbey
–Trainspotting

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Tags: ends & odd // 2 Comments »

If you are a fan of the Seattle Seahawks, Sunday night was a tremendous night for you. If you root for the Denver Broncos, it was not so good. For everyone else, it was a mixed bag, I guess. If you are a fan of competitive football, it was a big pile of garbage. There were good moments, and certainly a number of good plays (made mostly by Seattle), but as a whole, despite the largest television audience of all time, I found this to be a snoozer and an embarrassing performance by what was supposed to be the NFL’s best offense. The Seahawks trounced the Broncos, 43-8.

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That today was “Four Chaplains Day” in the United States?

No? Well, you’re not alone. The 71st anniversary of that fateful night when four U.S. Army chaplains gave their lives that others might live, caused barely a ripple today. It has come and gone quietly, and largely unmarked … including by yours truly.
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Tags: religion & philosophy, trusted media & news // 6 Comments »