10. If you’re drunk enough, slides of past vacations might seem like the real thing.
9. Instead of Fourth of July fireworks, have everyone in your family try closing their eyes and rubbing them.
8. Take your kids for “A Day at the Zoo”; PetSmart doesn’t charge admission.
7. If your local high school athletic field has sand in its pole vault pit, you and your family can set up beach chairs.
6. Instead of Disneyland, take your kids to Dizzyland. The admission is a lot cheaper, their Tea Cups Ride spins a lot faster, and your kids won’t feel like eating a bunch of expensive snacks.
5. With the right mindset, ferry boats are just miniature cruise ships.
4. If your kids have their hearts set on summer camp, there are a number of religious cults willing to take them in for free.
3. Swimming pool? Bathtub? I mean, water is water!
2. Dinner at Taco Bell is like a trip to Mexico – without the drug cartels or dysentery!
1. Eat baked beans before getting into the wading pool and – voila! – you’ve got your own Jacuzzi!
Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.
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