10. What everyone else thinks is a sunburn is actually a rash

9. You’ve lost so much blood from mosquito bites, they’ve stopped biting you

8. You got in trouble because you were lying stark naked on your hotel bed when the maid walked in…finally!

7. You caught crabs at the beach – but not the edible kind

6. First name Bill, last name Cosby

5. You’re a Republican

4. At the company picnic, you really ticked off the boss by drinking too much beer and then peeing in the swimming pool — from the diving board

3. You wish to God you’d never heard of the website Ashley Madison

2. To cash in on the season, you sank all your money into a chain of California water parks

1. You thought the summer camp you were applying to was dedicated to the ancient Egyptian goddess Isis
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Its Latin motto is actually written in Pig Latin

9. They ask you to pay your entire tuition “in cash, up front, in small bills”

8. In the Jeopardy College Championship, your college had its ass handed to it by Hamburger U

7. Your grade is based on how much you tip your professor

6. There’s only one ‘L’ in ‘COLEGE’

5. When you asked if the school was well endowed, the school president pulled down his zipper

4. The photo on the cover of the college catalogue is of Donald Trump

3. All the books in the library are written by L. Ron Hubbard

2. The only place it advertises is Craigslist

1. The valedictorian is a monkey that knows sign language
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, education by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Amish Microwave Cooking

9. Synchronized Twerking

8. Creative Reading

7. Ethics in Politics

6. Fart History

5. Ogling

4. The Macarena

3. Telegraph Repairman

2. Yodeling

1. The Wit & Wisdom of Jeb Bush
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, education by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. He’s always walking around the camp, wearing his tent as a poncho, and nothing else

9. During Arts & Crafts, he asks everyone to knit a sweater out of pasta

8. His Indian name is ‘Dances with Kumquats’

7. He shows you how to make a fire just using sticks, dry leaves, and a blowtorch

6. Instead of a sunscreen with a high SPF, he keeps slathering on mayonnaise

5. He claims that his favorite camp counselor is Jason Voorhees

4. Around the campfire, instead of Kumbaya, he has you singing Charlene’s I’ve Never Been To Me

3. When you’re acting up around the pool, instead of a whistle, he blows his slide trombone

2. Every five minutes, he has everyone check everyone else for ticks

1. He plans to vote for Trump
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, environment & nature, travel & foreign lands by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. It suddenly occurred to them, he’s a friggin’ frog and she’s a friggin’ pig!!!!

9. The Muppets contract has a ‘no fraternization’ clause

8. Miss Piggy’s parents caught their daughter with a frog in her throat

7. It was only puppet love

6. Miss Piggy just felt that Kermit was too much of a “male chauvinist frog”

5. Kermit wanted to keep their lovemaking a secret, but every time they make love, she squeals

4. Miss Piggy said Kermit had to “put a ring on it,” and he said he couldn’t afford a ring that big

3. Kermit recently converted to Judaism, so has to keep kosher

2. Miss Piggy has a fear of kermitment

1. Kermit came across a copy of Miss Piggy’s X-ray, and was totally freaked out by the fact that it looked exactly like Frank Oz’s forearm and hand!!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: art & entertainment, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. “Boy, with Megyn Kelly starin’ at those ten dudes, it looks like the worst episode of The Bachelorette ever!”

9. “Have you seen that ad where Ted Cruz wraps bacon around the barrel of an assault rifle and fires off some shots so it’s sizzling? We can’t elect him; obviously he’s into pork-barrel politics.”

8. “So whose hair do you think is weirder, Trump’s or Rand Paul’s?”

7. “I don’t think life begins with conception. I think it begins when the guy says, ‘Do you come here often?’”

6. “Sure, I’d tap that Megyn Kelly. At least she’s not a fat pig like Rosie O’Donnell.”

5. “I think we should elect Ben Carson. I mean, once you go black…”

4. “I hear Trump’s called Immigration and is trying to get Marco Rubio deported.”

3. “Scott Walker promised, if he’s elected President, he’s going to change the preamble to The Constitution from ‘We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…’ to ‘We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect country…’”

2. “Fox News tries to live up to its motto: ‘Fair and Balanced.’ To keep the debate fair, they’re not asking any questions involving math, and to keep it balanced, they’re putting Chris Christie on one side and the other nine on the other side.”

1. “Yeah I’d be willing to put Sarah Palin in my cabinet. At least she’s not a lipstick-wearing pig like Rosie O’Donnell.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, politics & government by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. “It’s so hot, Paris Hilton is sleeping with both Ben and Jerry.”

9. “It’s so hot, Dick Cheney was caught waterboarding himself.”

8. “It’s so hot, the supermarket aisle where the unpopped popcorn is kept is blocked by an avalanche of popped popcorn.”

7. “It’s so hot, a Republican actually broke down and admitted Global Warming is real.”

6. “It’s so hot, you recently agreed to become Mrs. Softee.”

5. “It’s so hot, in Colorado, Washington, Alaska and Oregon, joints are lighting themselves.”

4. “It’s so hot, Vladimir Putin has been stockpiling Slurpees.”

3. “It’s so hot, Chris Christie is drawing huge crowds, just for the shade.”

2. “It’s so hot, Pee-wee Herman is wearing his bowtie, and nothing else.”

1. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. “If you saw my ex wife, you’d understand.”

9. “All that beer just got me in the mood for makin’ bacon.”

8. “I think I misunderstood the term ‘animal husbandry’.”

7. “I was only fondling the female pigs – I mean, I ain’t gay or nothin’!”

6. “I just went hog wild!”

5. “Man, it’s true what they say about beer goggles”

4. “I never thought any of them would squeal on me.”

3. “Didn’t you ever have an uncontrollable urge to boink an oink?”

2. “I’d just seen Deliverance on the TV, and I swear that one pig looked exactly like Ned Beatty.”

1. “I was looking for the sheep and I took a wrong turn.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: animals, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. “Vote for me, or you’re all fired!”

9. “Elect me and I’ll not only reveal my net worth, I’ll tell you what that thing is on my head!”

8. “Who needs the Mexican vote anyway?”

7. “What’s better than a first lady who’s really really hot? – and if she ages in office, I promise to get a new one!”

6. “Comb over to my side!”

5. “Vote for me! I’m really really really really rich!”

4. “Are you better off than you were four wives ago?”

3. “Look at it this way: if I’m president, I won’t have time to tape Celebrity Apprentice.”

2. “Why should North Korea be the only country led by an egomaniac with weird hair?”

1. “Vote for me! I fuckin’ dare ya!”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, politics & government by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. That’s My Toe Jam

9. Chris Twisty

8. Tuna Crunch

7. Oh How Waffle

6. Celery

5. Circus Floor Sweepings

4. Rick Berry

3. Asparagus

2. Lobster Ripple

1. Dingleberry Crunch
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, recipes & food by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Camp Poison Ivy

9. The Chris Christie Weight Loss Camp

8. Future Astronomers’ Day Camp

7. Camp Damp

6. Bill Cosby’s Sleepaway Camp

5. Scientology Induction Camp

4. Camp Trauma

3. The RuPaul Camp for Camp Campers

2. Jason Voorhees Summer Camp

1. Camp ISIS
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, travel & foreign lands by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. The fireworks are generated by a kid shuffling his feet on shag carpeting

9. At the end, the fireworks form a colorful image of a bespectacled Rick Perry

8. It’s just that guy from the Police Academy movies making fireworks noises with his mouth

7. The guy in charge of the fireworks has five fingers, total

6. Someone just clicks on his TV, then puts on a highlights reel from past fireworks displays

5. At the entrance to the venue, several personal injury attorneys have set up information booths

4. Instead of rousing patriotic music, all they play is Adele and Enya

3. The entire show is a pair of twins running around holding sparklers

2. Instead of actual fireworks, the emcee tells the audience to close their eyes and rub them with their palms

1. You notice the men lighting the fireworks display are wearing ISIS T-shirts

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: art & entertainment, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Where Are We Going, And Why Are We In This Handbasket?

9. I Dream Of A World Where Chickens Can Cross The Road Without Having Their Motives Questioned

8. Inside Every Old Person Is A Young Person Wondering What The Hell Happened

7. Quantum Mechanics: The Dreams Stuff Is Made Of

6. What If The Hokey Pokey Really IS What It’s All About?

5. My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma

4. Don’t Believe Everything You Think

3. Love Is Our Soul Purpose

2. The Best Things In Life Aren’t Things

1. Give Me Immortality Or Give Me Death
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. How Many Armed Psychopaths Does It Take To Change A Gun Law?

9. I Don’t Mind You Being Rich – I DO Mind You Buying The Government

8. Politics Is The Entertainment Division Of The Military-Industrial Complex

7. We Are Creating Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them

6. War Is Terrorism With A Bigger Budget

5. Do You Hear Crazy Voices? – Turn Off Fox News

4. Corporate Media: The Rich Telling The Middle Class To Blame The Poor

3. You Keep Your Bill O’Reilly – I’ll Keep My Bill O’Rights

2. I’ll Believe Corporations Are People When Texas Executes One

1. I Went To The Tea Party, But All I Got Was Kool-Aid
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, politics & government by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Watch Out For The Idiot Behind Me

9. If This Car Were A Horse I’d Have Shot It

8. WARNING: In Case Of Rapture This Vehicle Will Be Unmanned

7. Stop Making Stupid People Famous!

6. WITCHES PARKING – All Others Will Be Toad

5. I’d Rather Be Teleporting

4. Honk If You’ve Never Seen A Gun Fired From A Vehicle

3. Despite The High Cost Of Living, It Remains Popular

2. If Everything Is Going Your Way, You’re Probably In The Wrong Lane

1. Hang Up And Drive!
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. Trying to cash in on jukebox musicals like Mamma Mia and Rock of Ages, your new musical is called Milli Vanilli

9. The title of your massive epic two-part play isn’t Wolf Hall, but Monty Hall

8. No elementary school play has ever won the top prize before

7. The marquee reads “Adam Sandler is Willie Loman”

6. All the dialogue was translated into Lithuanian, because it lost something in the original

5. The name of your musical is not Something Rotten, though that was the majority of your reviews

4. When the premiere ended, the audience shouted “Author! Author!” while boiling tar and stirring in feathers

3. Your production is called You’re A Good Man, Charlie Sheen

2. Your idea for an ‘all mime’ production of My Dinner with Andre never really worked

1. You unwisely named your production Theater Closed for Renovations
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: art & entertainment, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. “These GMO burgers actually glow in the dark!”

9. “Those chicken breasts won’t burn; I coated them in Vaseline.”

8. “What’s Cousin Sid processing those Memorial Day poppies into?”

7. “Before you try the coleslaw, would you mind signing this waiver?”

6. “Why would someone route a Memorial Day Parade right through the middle of our barbeque?”

5. “Who invited Chris Christie? – and where’d all the steaks go?”

4. “On this Memorial Day, let us remember those people Memorial Day was designed to memorialize….It can’t be veterans; that’s Veterans Day!”

3. “That’s not mayonnaise; you’re standing under a tree.”

2. “Uncle Harvey, I think the tradition is to lower your flag to half-mast, not your pants to half-assed.”

1. “Why does everything on the grill have a long thin tail?”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. My-My-My Bruce Jenner-ation

9. Journey to the Center of My Pants

8. A Midsummer Night’s Bris

7. 21 DryHump Street

6. Raise the Roofie!

5. Give ’Em Enough Grope

4. The Future Is Ours! (One-Percenters only)

3. Abstinence Makes the Fond Grow Harder

2. 100 Seniors Standing Around a Ballroom Texting

1. Fifty Shades of Bunting
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, education by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »

10. A Princess phone

9. A pound of Imperial margarine

8. A crib with a moat and turrets

7. A Hello Kitty scepter

6. A mattress with no pea under it

5. A year’s supply of Royal Crown Cola

4. A throne-shaped potty

3. A can of dragon repellant

2. A silver knife and fork, to go with the spoon in her mouth that she was born with

1. A frog to kiss
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, travel & foreign lands by Bob Sullivan
1 Comment »

10. “Mom, we kind of always assumed you were our father.”

9. “I’m taking you out to dinner, but we have to hurry; Taco Bell closes at nine.”

8. “What do you mean, ‘What is it?’ – It’s a nose hair trimmer!”

7. “Here’s all the ingredients for a fantastic Mother’s Day dinner. All you have to do is cook it!”

6. “And you are…?”

5. “Uncle Dad knows about us!”

4. “Of course these flowers aren’t stolen from a funeral home. That banner just means, when you go to bed tonight, I hope you rest peacefully.”

3. “Mom, I have a surprise for you: I’m adopted!!”

2. “Here’s your gift, Mom: a DVD of Oedipus Rex –you sexy thing you!”

1. “Honey, I’m afraid the kids now have a new Mom. Her name used to be Bruce.”
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, family & parenting by Bob Sullivan
No Comments »