10. It’s so cold, Lady Gaga’s charbroiling her meat dress before putting it on

9. It’s so cold, opticians at LensCrafters are giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of glasses

8. It’s so cold, TSA agents are required to put on mittens before fondling you

7. It’s so cold, the Statue of Liberty decided to hold her torch under her robe

6. It’s so cold, Miley Cyrus is lighting her bong just for the warmth

5. It’s so cold, Charlie Rangel was spotted with his hands in his own pockets

4. It’s so cold, yesterday I chipped a tooth on my Cup-a-Soup

3. It’s so cold, Al Gore recently came out in favor of global warming

2. It’s so cold, Glenn Beck has requested he be sent to Hell earlier than scheduled

1. It’s so cold, Brett Favre is just describing his junk to women
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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Autumn is upon us, dear readers, and there is no season which I like better. The reasons for my unwavering love for the falls are simple ones, yet they remain worth sharing. Perhaps seeing some of my favorite activities will help you make the most of your season.  [Read more →]

Tags: creative writing, environment & nature, mostly kidding by Matt Scottoline by Matt Scottoline
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For those born and raised here, on the fringes of the high Chihuahuan Desert, it’s hard to imagine just how big “a little rain” can get. Sure, we see floods following a downburst, narrow and rapid, especially during the late-summer ‘monsoon’ season. But those come, and then go, very quickly … and the dry heat takes over once again.

But I have lived up-north, back-east. And I know how big a little rain can get. In 1972, Tropical Storm Agnes headed inland. I was one of thousands lining the banks of the Susquehanna, desperately adding sandbags to the dikes along Kingston, and Wilkes-Barre. In the end, our efforts were for nought, and the Wyoming Valley was flooded.

Which is why my thoughts and my prayers are with my dang-Yankee, back-east friends as they cope with “a little rain” from Tropical Storm Nicole … God bless.

Tags: environment & nature by Jeff McDonald
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Seldom in life, a man is given an experience that sticks with him forever. His wedding day, for one.  Maybe his Bar Mitzvah. Perhaps his Catholic Bar Mitzvah*. [Read more →]

Tags: announcements, environment & nature, mostly kidding by Matt Scottoline by Matt Scottoline
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10. Order all your martinis “neat”.

9. Make your morning coffee using lawn dew.

8. Only flush on alternate Thursdays.

7. Wear disposable clothing.

6. Have your entire church group shower together.

5. In the fall, have your gardeners use an air blower instead of a hose to corral that last leaf.

4. Trade in your geraniums for cacti.

3. In the same way your toilet will use less water if you put a brick in your water tank, you yourself will drink less water if you put a brick in your bladder.

2. Fill your swimming pool with ethanol.

1. Brush your teeth with orange juice.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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10. “It’s so hot, I just killed a guy for asking, ‘Hot enough for ya?’.”

9. “It’s so hot, Mel Gibson actually appreciates the cold shoulder his ex-girlfriend is giving him.”

8. “It’s so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk.”

7. “It’s so hot, my car’s GPS lady keeps directing me towards Canada.”

6. “It’s so hot, Amy Winehouse tested positive for Slurpees.”

5. “It’s so hot, the fish are sweating.”

4. “It’s so hot, I saw a squirrel handling his nuts with tongs.”

3. “It’s so hot, President Obama’s motorcade was spotted outside a Dairy Queen.”

2. “It’s so hot, Dick Cheney was caught waterboarding himself.”

1. “It’s so hot, Lindsay Lohan said she was actually looking forward to spending some time in the ‘cooler’.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. You’re also supposed to wait half an hour after making love.

9. We could be just like that scene out there: buoy meets gull!

8. Okay if I rub this suntan lotion places the sun doesn’t reach?

7. That white stuff on my nose isn’t sunscreen.

6. How would you like to be Hasselhoffed?

5. I’ll show you a pool toy you can play with.

4. Wow! Your body can be used as a flotation device!

3. Help! I’m drowning!…In your eyes!

2. My high chair or yours?

1. Okay if I practice my mouth-to-mouth?
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature, travel & foreign lands by Bob Sullivan
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10. You have a mirror strategically placed on the ceiling so you can watch television over the pile of junk between the couch and the t.v.

9. Your bathroom has hot and cold running roaches

8. Is cheese supposed to make noise?

7. Your Christmas tree is still up – from the Reagan Years

6. You’ve given your dust bunnies names

5. After photos of your home were posted online, you started getting Care packages from Haiti

4. When you open the fridge door, the light makes all the food suddenly stop moving

3. You’ve taken up sculpting, building your sculptures from lint and dust

2. BP Oil executives have officially declared your kitchen/bathroom area ‘unsalvageable’

1. Even Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t come inside
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: advice, Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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The Department of the Interior — in the wake of the tragic Gulf oil spill — has created a new government agency to oversee offshore drilling.

Sorta.

Actually, what it did is rename an old agency. An agency that has been cited for its utter incompetence and corruptness. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Colin Cohen
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According to this post by the Wall Street Journal reporter and blogger Benoit Faucon, “the April 20 spill on the Deepwater Horizon is being reinvented in Planet BP as a strike of luck.”

According to Faucon, the article in BP Planet — a BP online, in-house magazine — reports “much of the region’s [nonfishing boat] businesses — particularly the hotels — have been prospering because so many people have come here from BP and other oil emergency response teams.”

Well, that’s one way of looking at it, I guess. So what do you think? A gutsy and uncompromising move by BP’s media office in the face of withering criticism, or a level of spin that would put even a West Texas tornado to shame?

Tags: environment & nature, trusted media & news by Jeff McDonald
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Up until last week, 2.1 million gallons of crude oil per day had been pouring into the Gulf of Mexico. Since then BP and the Coast Guard have done some to siphon the leak, yet millions of gallons of oil, in hundreds of thousands of patches, float throughout the Gulf. They hurt and threaten tourism, fishing, and ecology. BP suggests that the leak might be almost completely stopped within a month. However, nothing is really certain of the future of the leak or the spill and its effects. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Robert O'Hara
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Federal officials have finally gotten a handle on the oil catastrophe. No, not the catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico, but an apparently much more important catastrophe — the olive oil catastrophe. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Colin Cohen
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Reuters has a disturbing story today about the stock price of BP. It is “plunging”:

BP fell close to 17 percent in London trading, wiping $23 billion off its market value, on weekend news that its latest attempt to plug its blown-out seabed well had not worked sparked fears oil could leak into the Gulf until August.

As long as BP is losing money, it cannot muster the resources necessary to pay for the spill cleanup. And if the spill isn’t cleaned up, I think we all know it’s the children who will suffer the most. Well, that, and our faith in our institutions.

[Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Ricky Sprague
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In 1979 it was decided that the decades-old practice of naming hurricanes after women was unfair. Whether it weighed down the moral standing of women to associate them with inchoate and uncontrollable mayhem or if it was man-kind who was shorted by being overlooked, we cannot say but we have long exercised gender-blindness using alternating male and female names alphabetically so it is no surprise that early in the storm season we should be battening hatches against Hurricane Barack. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Ken Watson
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10. The price of sardines should come down, with no need to pack them in oil

9. It makes Katrina seem less severe

8. The British Petroleum backlash should help U.S. gas stations

7. It provides a new topic for New Orleans blues singers

6. It’s good practice for the next oil spill

5. It’s a great sales opportunity for manufacturers of 4-story 100-ton steel-and-concrete domes

4. With all this cleanup practice, there might be a spillover effect on BP gas station restrooms

3. So far, FEMA isn’t involved

2. Free gas for people on the Gulf Coast

1. The oily bird catches the worm
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, environment & nature by Bob Sullivan
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Congressdude James Oberstar, whose last name in German I think means either “superstar” or “cow dung” is trying to amend the Clean Water Act, which allows the EPA to regulate navigable waterways; that is, places through which boats can pass. Oberstar wants to get rid of that inconvenient “navigable” part, which will allow the EPA to regulate any and all bodies of water.

Which would include pools. And bath water. And perhaps even that perspiration forming underneath your arms. [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, politics & government by Colin Cohen
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Another Earth Day has come and gone. As I sit here reflecting on this day, the fortieth anniversary of the first Earth day in 1970, I think about my carbon footprint. My windows are closed and my ceiling fans are on full blast. My clothes are tossing in the dryer. I just took out the trash, full of my child’s disposable diapers and maybe some plastic bottles that I “accidentally” dropped in the can. I used paper towels to wipe off the kitchen counters. And now I am watching television as I type this, which is to say that I am not watching television, but have it on as energy-wasting background noise. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, environment & nature by Nancy DeGregorio
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 Quick ….. picture an ‘environmentalist’ in your mind, and what do you see? ….. Who are these people, anyway? ….. And where do they get their crazy ideas?
[Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature by Jeff McDonald
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Like millions of my fellow denizens of this deeply troubled planet, I’m looking forward to purchasing an iPad. And then, three or four years from now, I’m going to throw it into the garbage or, as we euphemistically like to refer to it, the “recycling bin.”   [Read more →]

Tags: environment & nature, technology by Michael Antman
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Recently I have had nothing but grave news. Two weeks ago I was describing to friends how it was our hour of need as the Norskies defended the peak of the gold medal mountain in the new Cold War, in Vancouver. Then it was just last week that my clarion call was sounded regarding the now 7-year-war against wild animals (10/03/2003 — Never Forget). These two very serious issues were weighing on me heavily. And then I heard that the Earth’s day is now shorter.

The earthquake in Chile changed the axis and sped up the Earth?! What? I’m sorry, come again? Why hasn’t there been much gnashing of teeth and such? The fifth most feasible way to destroy the Earth is to overspin it until it tears itself apart! [Read more →]

Tags: black helicopter watch, environment & nature by Jeffrey Maryak
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