June 1, 2008
I dream a series of short vignettes at the site of Chanin’s magic shop in the years since it closed. On the first visit, the shop is empty except for a pizza oven and elaborate mosaics. Chanin is sneaking in there every week or so. Every week I visit Chanin in his long-closed shop, I notice that the room is more and more filled and lived in. I wonder when the owners are going to squeeze Chanin out. Finally, a series of kind men whom I assume are emissaries of the angel of death come to collect Chanin. They appear to be Christian, and I inform them that Chanin is Jewish. They say “That’s ok. Christians take everybody.”

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August 2, 2008
I dream I go to a doctor because I have a blemish on my penis. The doctor is unimpressed by my condition, but to be safe (and partly to be devious) he requires that I put cough medicine on my blemish six times each day. I tell him “No problem. I will stop whatever I’m doing to apply my penis medicine.” Then, suddenly, he lances me with a syringe shaped like a ball point pen. Then, when I put the bottle of penis medicine into my brief case, the nurse is bewildered by the number of loose decks of cards inside. [Read more →]

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July 11, 2008
I dream I make a surprise visit to Uncle Moose and Aunt Yetta’s enormous house in Central New Jersey. I have with me an envelope that has to be mailed, and Aunt Yetta is very concerned about it. I tell her not to worry. After I settle into a chair, I am called to watch a psychic on television. The psychic, a French Jew dressed as a shepherd, demonstrates his ability to communicate with animals. A ferocious pregnant llama is protective of her territory, so the French Jewish psychic transforms himself into an emaciated lamb to gain entrance into the llama’s environment. The psychic communes with the llama. [Read more →]

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August 31, 2008
I dream I stop at Hardee’s for lunch and the people behind the counter are aggressively trying to get rid of leftover breakfast items. They say, “We have to throw it out anyway.” So I say, “Ok, give me an egg sandwich.” Then when they tell me the price of my lunch, I say “Wait a minute-did you charge me for the egg sandwich?” They say, “Of course. We’re a restaurant. We charge for food here.” So I say, “You were hustling it on me. Take it off, please.” They are disgruntled and they take a long time to calculate my refund. When they give it to me it is forty dollars too much. I say, “You know, folks, I don’t want to take advantage of this, but you gave me way too much money.” They take it back, but seem angry at me for making them look bad in front of the manager. As I leave, workers from the Hardee’s corporation give me a hard time, so I take on my secret agent persona and transport from office to office using a TV remote control. [Read more →]

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July 18, 2008
I dream I work in a fancy mall/office in northern New Jersey where many duplicate pieces of magic apparatus are used for clerical purposes. A ne’er-do-well dressed as a lawyer follows me to my home office through the mall/town, and I can’t shake him. He follows me inside and tries to look at all my papers and sit at my desk. I insist that he show me his lawyer ID, and he reaches into his crotch and pulls out a pair of socks.

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July 9, 2008
I dream I am in bed in my parent’s house, and sitting on the bed, in a blue shirt, is a boy who looks like me. The boy doesn’t want to be there; he is being compelled somehow and he wants to leave to do something else with his brother. I believe that the boy is a younger version of me and I want him to stay. After a few moments, when he feels he has discharged his duty, he gets up and runs away. I try to protest, but I can make no sound.

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June 19, 2008
I dream I am in my office practicing the cups and balls, and I have to go to the bathroom. When I get there, I am not wearing shoes, and it occurs to me that I am probably standing in the urine of my colleagues. I accept this, but I’m also not wearing pants and I have to get back to my office without being observed. The first hallway is ok, but when I turn a corner there are bearded men that I have to avoid. I sneak through the catacombs and nobody mentions my lack of pants. When I get back to the office I contemplate the cups and balls. How many balls should I use? What should be my final load? Finally, my pants get wet because one of the cups is filled with milk.

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August 3, 2008
I dream I am getting ready to leave a version of my father’s house in Northeast Philadelphia with Karen, Mary, and Dawn. I am upset to see people I don’t know hanging around my house. It’s as if there is an event scheduled in my house that I don’t know about. I try to chase the intruders away, and I go outside to talk to Karen, Mary, and Dawn. When I return, my house is overrun with people. I don’t know who they are or why they’re there, but they do whatever they want. I threaten them with violence, but it doesn’t matter. I punch them, but they don’t feel it. I try to take a shower, and a young lady is so uninterested in my presence that she takes a shower with me. I am irrelevant.

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July 11, 2006
I dream I am in a tee shirt and underpants with Gail and Deborah in an enormous house. Gail shows me a group picture of a country club with Hitler in his horse riding clothing. Houdini, the escape artist, is also in the picture but he is on the ground. He isn’t dead or anything, but I am disturbed that Hitler is around and about doing equestrian events while Houdini, my brother magician and Jew, is on the ground. Gail wonders what I am upset about, and I explain it to her. Then, Gail shows me some Nazi cartoons. [Read more →]

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August 6, 2008
I dream I foresee my bald head and it has on it a profusion of disgusting moles. I am glad I still have hair to cover it. In the meantime, I am at a bodega in New York purchasing a coffee before I meet Gail, and the man behind the counter sells me two naked lady playing cards in addition to the coffee. Because of the shallowness of my pockets, the tops of the playing cards stick out and undoubtedly Gail will see them. I think of my excuse — I bought them for camp value and not for prurient reasons. [Read more →]

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August 6, 2006
I dream I am in a truck that transforms into a gurney, and I find myself in a combination Home Depot and Jewish Community Center. I am slowly ascending staircases and heading towards a door. When my gurney hits the door I don’t make it through. A nearby gurney suddenly flies straight up into the air and I fear that my gurney is going next. Fortunately, my gurney tries the door again. On the other side of the door I am high above a huge indoor warehouse space filled with corded wood, water heaters, and boxes of large appliances. While there are no tracks, I fly up and down through this environment as if it were a roller coaster. I find I have limited steering ability.

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May 25, 2008
I dream I am sleeping in my old bed in Northeast Philadelphia and I wake up to see a man I don’t know in the house. I am not angry or scared, but I want to know who the man is. He answers politely, though evasively. This basic situation happens three times with different people in different versions of my old house. Eventually, I run wildly looking for secret entrances to discover where these people are coming in. Later in the day I meet one of them in a deli line, and beat him with a lighting fixture that I wield like a mace. I can see on the television that Conan O’Brien is preparing to play the male lead in a post-modern production of Gypsy.

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June 30, 2008
I dream I am in graduate school doing a class presentation on an elaborate circus set. I don’t know what I’m going to say, but I make it all very obtuse and ironic as I swing from one piece of apparatus to another. There is a competitor who is swinging, but his irony is not as good as mine. Later on, I am teaching a seventh grade class in which I insist that all lessons are to be taught while singing. My teaching assistant, Kevin Cooney, is not thrilled with my edict, but he acquits himself well. I find that the kids are getting overly excited. [Read more →]

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August 25, 2006
I dream I am with my father in some combination of Vegas, Niagara Falls, and a theme park. We go to see the Penn and Teller show in a futuristic auditorium, which suddenly divides itself into 8 or 10 separate areas. A young woman I don’t know who seems to be sweet on me is sitting in front of me and I dribble chewed up peanuts into her hair. My dad would like a soda, but all they have are expensive beverages in souvenir glasses with umbrellas. I commiserate with the girl’s mother and reminisce about the good old days in Vegas when you sat at a dime slot machine and buxom women served free drinks.

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June 27, 2008
I dream I am at a resort during a political season. The resort centers around an enormous multi-leveled wave pool and your political affiliations move you to different areas. My political affiliation is causing my left nipple to bleed with a blue gelatin and I have to keep wiping it off. Furthermore, I keep going down the wrong waterfalls and winding up in the wrong wave pools.

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June 3, 1998
I dream a cooking show is being shot in my father’s basement. The host, a lustful Englishwoman in her 60’s, cooks an elaborate, multi-course breakfast. Meanwhile upstairs, a middle-aged man is laying carpet, and the cooking show host tells her audience she wants to have sex with him. She asks the man [Read more →]

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August 31, 2006
I dream I am in a darkened dressing room rehearsing for a show with Kelly Jennings, Karen Getz, Jen Childs and others. I look into the hallway and see Mike Young. I say “Oh, my God, it’s Mike Young. Did anyone else see him?” Since others did see him we knew that it wasn’t my hallucination, it was Mike Young returning from the dead. Later on, I am in bed with Gail, and Mike Young appears on an adjacent bed. I jump on top of him and hold him there. I ask, “What should I do?” Mike says, “Drive. Don’t hesitate. Always move forward.” [Read more →]

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June 6, 2008
I dream I am in a combination university/world’s fair and I need a bathroom. Steven Feinberg from elementary school gets there before I do, so Gail encourages me to try the medieval bathroom. There is a steep cobblestone ramp [Read more →]

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July 15, 2006
I dream it is the morning after a festival, the house is in disarray, and servants are cleaning up. I see leftover cookies and candy all around, and I announce that I would appreciate it if people would consume this stuff quickly or dispose of it because I will eat it all. Then, Daniel comes upstairs and apparently, the eggs have hatched. He has white, translucent baby chicks that hover above his hands. Another creature appears; [Read more →]

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May 21, 2008

I dream I am watching a play with my wife, Gail, and my sister-in-law Helaine. A cute dog is a character in the play, and I notice that the tip of his nose moves in and out somewhat when he talks. I wasn’t aware that dogs’ noses did that, although I was aware that dogs’ penises [Read more →]

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