Robert: One subject not much talked about in these days of Presidential transition is the role of Michelle Obama. She was one of the reasons for Obama’s strong appeal to black people. Black women really like her and the idea of her. They love that Barack “did not marry white,” and “did not marry light.”

I’m hoping that the black community, with all of our family problems, draws some inspiration from Michelle and Barack Obama and their children. There are kids in tough city neighborhoods who basically don’t know anyone who has a father, particularly a married father, living at home with his wife and children. Symbolism cannot overcome entrenched social trends and problems, but I’m hoping black people find a way to build upon the fact that we have some black “Cleavers” in the white house. (I’m also hoping that Obama’s tenure will help black people feel more OK about being self-critical. One of the worst aspects of having an administration in power that seems hostile is that it leads people to be so defensive. I’m also hoping that Obama’s election leads to people recalibrating expectations, such that they aspire for more, for higher positions, better positions in the work place and in public office.)

   Paula: I agree that the Obamas represent a seemingly exemplary model of family life, not just for black people but for all people. The relationship of the parents (so well matched and mutually respectful), the feisty but essentially obedient children, the sense of a loving, supportive, structured home — all this appears to be there and is what we, who have families, aspire to. But I have to admit to occasionally feeling that the Obamas look too good to be true — like the Cosbys or, going back in time, like the Cleavers. [Read more →]

Tags: conversations with Paula and Robert, family & parenting by Robert Anthony Watts
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I had the best New Year’s Eve I’ve had in a long time and I didn’t even go anywhere. I stayed in with my parents and Callie, my 4-year-old. We ordered from Outback and we watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Well, we tried to watch it in between Callie yelling for us to all come out to the balcony because the “Fire Man” was doing “sparkles” again (fireworks on the beach).

Neither of my parents actually made it to midnight. Mom went down around 10 p.m. and Dad followed at 11:30. But Callie stayed up the whole time until the ball dropped. I think it’s the first time she’s been up until midnight other than when she was an infant and routinely woke up at all hours of the night. She and I alternately watched the intermittent fireworks from the back bedroom of my parents’ condominium, which overlooks the Intercoastal Waterway, and from the front balcony, which overlooks the beach and the Gulf of Mexico. Not a bad place to spend New Year’s Eve.

Of course, in years past, it was the absolute last place you would have found me on the biggest party night of the year. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting by Stephanie West
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Michelle, you’ve got the right idea … and I am speaking from experience. Do everything you can to convince your mom to move into the White House with you. I know she’s super independent and also wants to give your family some space to be a family — my parents said the same thing — but who really needs that much space? Don’t let her get away with it. Her moving to her own place near the White House just won’t be the same as you all living under one roof.

My parents moved in with us back in June and, honestly, it’s been fantastic. I never have to run out to get milk or eggs. I get weather updates every morning so I know how to dress myself and my kids. I change 50 percent less poopy diapers. I no longer need to feed the goldfish (although I wouldn’t expect mom to walk the new puppy coming your way; however, she may be willing to walk with one of the girls as they walk the new puppy). I get to sleep in every once in a while because my kids go down to my parents and bug them to get breakfast going. When my husband needs to work late I can still go out for a coffee to catch up with a friend. When my husband doesn’t need to work late we can put the kids to bed and then catch a 10 p.m. movie without worrying about a babysitter. Every once in a while my mom will cook (and it isn’t half bad). Plus, there is always someone to get my daughter off of her school bus when my husband and I are at work.

OK, so maybe some of my benefits won’t exactly translate to things you will get (or need) from your mom. However, what you will get is a comfort that is immeasurable. Knowing that there is someone else you trust, implicitly, living in your house is the unspoken benefit. Someone else there that will help keep your kids grounded and guide them when you and Barack get pulled away. Someone to read them bedtime stories when you are not around. Someone for the girls to talk to when they need the love that only a parent or grandparent can give. And I am not sure how Marian is with sweets… but my kids always know they get a little something extra for dessert if grandma is in charge.

So, to Marian, mother to the first-lady-elect and grandmother to two adorable girls about to transition into an entirely new world, move in to the White House. Your family needs you — and besides, you will get as much out of the next four years as they will. Just ask my parents.

Tags: family & parenting, politics & government by Amy Boshnack
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A couple of months ago my daughter started saying “what?” a lot. At first we thought she was being a smart ass (yes, they start as young as four) and then we thought she was just choosing to hear what she wanted to hear. And then, finally, we thought, “shit, maybe something is wrong.”

It took five weeks to get an appointment for a pediatric hearing test at a well-respected hospital near us. In that time my daughter’s hearing seemed to get better, so we thought maybe it was a fluke — or whatever was wrong had passed. In retrospect, her hearing didn’t get better, we just talked to her differently. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, health & medical by Amy Boshnack
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Jewish kids get creamed during the holiday season. Every single television show is about Christmas and Santa. My daughter was watching Dora the other night and after the show ended, she turned to me and said in this tiny little voice (mind you, she’s 2 ½), “Mommy, Santa come and bring me presents?” My heart sank. Years of childhood angst gurgled in my stomach and started to well in my throat. I remembered the feeling I had as a little Jewish kid during Christmas. It sucked. Plain and simple. I wanted a tree and lights and stockings hanging above my fireplace. I wanted to put out cookies and milk at night and pretend that it wasn’t my parents that ate them and left all those presents under the tree. I wanted all of it. No matter how many times they tried to beef it up, I never fell for the idea that eight nights of Hanukkah were way better than one day of Christmas. I wasn’t buying it. There was no escaping the fact that I felt left out of the biggest and greatest day of the year. I understood that the world basically ignored Jews during the holiday season. But I still felt burned. Even as a kid, if I saw a menorah in a store, it felt patronizing next to the 40 foot tree and 50,000 lights that covered it. The Thanksgiving Day Parade even ended with a kick in the teeth for me. Who’s the big star of the show? Who closes out the parade with that condescending grin? Santa!

And now, here I was, faced with the first of what I imagine will be millions of questions about Christmas and Santa. I felt sad for my daughter. There she was, watching her favorite person in the world (Dora) enjoying an afternoon with Santa, his reindeer and that goofy looking monkey she hangs out with. What was I supposed to say to her? Do I tell her that Santa doesn’t exist? That Santa doesn’t visit Jewish kids? Or do I dish the shit like NORAD and tell her that Santa visits anyone who believes in him? What a load of crap. I believed in that tubby bastard and he never came to see me.

I had to think fast. I told her that Santa is for people that celebrate Christmas and that we celebrate Hanukkah. She looked at me, smiled, and asked for pudding. Crisis averted. But what about next year? And the year after that? What happens when there’s no pudding in the fridge? Or worse, Santa’s big fat face is on the pudding container?

Tags: family & parenting, race & culture by Jaclyn Roth
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The question is rhetorical. Partly because I hope most parents would know better than to name their kid after one of the most evil men in history, and partly because if you would, I don’t think I would want to know.

A mom and dad in New Jersey named their little boy Adolf Hitler and they are angry because the local ShopRite refused to create a birthday cake that said “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler.” One might argue that it’s just a name and there is no reason to be offended. This boy can be raised in a way to give the Hitler name new meaning; however, I doubt that’s going to happen here. Adolf has two sisters, one named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and another named for Nazi leader Heinrich Himmler. Oh yeah… and their house is complete with a swastika in every room.

The thing that gets me the most angry about this is not his parents’ beliefs — I think they are morons, but this is a free country, so they can believe what they want. The thing that gets me the most angry is that these idiots gave their kids names that will will affect them in a negative way for all of their life. I think naming your kid Apple is stupid too, but it’s no Adolf Hitler.

Tags: family & parenting, race & culture by Amy Boshnack
10 Comments »

My hands were shaking. My breath was coming in short gasps. I picked up the phone. Put it down. I wondered if I was being too hasty, if I would feel differently in the morning. Would I come to regret this on a lonely night when I was home with nothing to do? But I had to. It was the right thing to do. I picked up the phone, dialed the number and… canceled my cable service.

Call it a New Year’s Resolution, one month ahead of schedule: Turn off the TV. I’ve been spending way too much time on the couch watching TV when I could be doing a million other things. Like laundry or cooking, taking the dog for a walk, taking myself for a walk, teaching Callie how to short-sheet a bed. Anything. Almost any activity in the world would be more useful than sitting around watching TV. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, television by Stephanie West
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My writing partners and I just finished a series of children’s books. Seven, to be exact. It is a brilliant series that chronicles the week of a wonderfully charismatic little girl that just so happens to have two moms. Close your mouths people, you heard me correctly. Two moms. It’s crazy, I know. What’s crazier is the gaping hole that exists in the children’s book market when it comes to books that represent a child with same sex parents. There are a few out there. But most of them are about the fact that the parents are gay. Few are about anything else.

Here’s my personal side of the story. When my daughter was born, within a week I received Heather Has Two Mommies from my mother. She told me that she was surprised that at such a large bookstore (I don’t want to name names, but it rhymes with Shmarnes and Shmobles) she was only able to find the one book. I immediately felt my stomach sink. [Read more →]

Tags: books & writing, family & parenting by Jaclyn Roth
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What the hell is wrong with people? You can’t just decide you no longer want to be a parent. Raising kids can be tough — especially as they get older. Kids don’t stay four years old and adorable forever. They grow up and have attitudes and problems and test you down to the bone. Hopefully you, the adult, did a good job during those formative years and that leads to an easier tween/teen experience; but really, that may not even make a difference. Some kids just rebel and it’s the parent’s job to deal with it.

People of Nebraska, are you crazy? You can’t just get rid of your children! USA Today did a great job reporting on the latest surrounding a Nebraska law that was meant to protect infants — so they aren’t found in closets wrapped in garbage bags. The law, as written, allows parents to leave children 17 and under at hospitals without fear of prosecution for abandonment. Parents seem to be making the most of this generous offer by the state and have been for months.

This is why some people should be required to take a “road test” before being allowed to conceive.

As a society we are always saying that our children are our future. How will a legally abandoned 14-year-old look at the world as an adult, assuming he’s not incarcerated within a couple of years?

Tags: family & parenting, on the law by Amy Boshnack
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Paula: Now that the election is over and Obama has won, I wonder how much of his success can be owed to the influence of Jewish grandchildren on their grandparents. You’ve probably seen Sarah Silverman’s famed YouTube piece, The Great Schlep. The fact is, there was plenty of arm-twisting going on — I know because my daughter and her friends were very involved with getting their grandparents to vote for Obama. And he did end up winning Florida.

 
  Robert: The idea that these grandchildren were successful in persuading the older folks to vote for Obama is startling to me. Among African Americans, there is not a sense that young people can or are supposed to persuade older folks of anything. There is a lot of faux praise of the wisdom of the elderly among African Americans. I’m not sure all this respect is “real,” but it is real to the extent that it discourages young black folks from playing this type of role with their parents. Young black folks would just do their thing in opposition to the older folks. But they wouldn’t be invited to an opportunity to sit and persuade.

[Read more →]

Tags: conversations with Paula and Robert, family & parenting by Paula Marantz Cohen
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It’s Halloween and I am an ass. I did something really dumb, though I’m pretty sure I’ve fixed it with little consequence. About two months ago my daughter told me that she wanted to be Spider-Man for Halloween (I blame my brother and his son). I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to be Spider-Man; I am far from a princess myself and was, in fact, a tomboy in school (again, blame my brother). My problem was with the costume itself, because it covers you completely — so that no one would be able to tell that she is a girl. Why the hell does that matter? I am not even sure myself.

This is where the “ass” part comes in… I convinced her to be Catwoman — but when I went to purchase the Catwoman costume I realized it looks better fit for someone attending an S&M party. Seriously, take a look at the costume. What is wrong with people? So then I had to lie to her and tell her that Catwoman really just looks like a black cat and I bought cat ears, a tail, and some make-up. She fell for it!

She happily wore her black cat costume to Sesame Place during an October Halloween weekend. All was good in life. But then last weekend she absolutely refused to put it back on for Boo at the Zoo (an annual Halloween thing at the Bronx Zoo). She said the make-up for her cat face was itchy. And then she stood up and declared that she would not be Catwoman for Halloween.

Feeling guilty that I’d convinced her of this costume in the first place, I told her she could be anything she wants. One guess what she chose… and one guess who is wearing the black cat costume. I am such an ass!

Tags: family & parenting by Amy Boshnack
4 Comments »

I’m starting a blog. This thing. Here. My husband is terrified. I’ve told him I will be writing about him — but really — I’ll be writing about lots of things. Let me introduce myself…

I lived in the same house in Queens, New York from birth until college. I went to the University of Miami, largely because my brother went there, partly because I got a very small scholarship, gladly because I ended up in the communications school. I met my husband in November of my freshman year. We met through a mutual friend who wanted us to hang out but didn’t want us to “hang out.” That was 16 years ago. We have two kids under five who crack me up day-in and day-out. I may mention them from time-to-time.

My parents recently moved in with us. My husband suggested it. I agreed. My dad is a loud talker and my mom thinks she knows everything, literally. Annoyingly, eighty percent of the time she is right. And really, I am not sure how we’d do it without them. My days are hectic, like everyone else. I work full-time, try to spend as much time with my family as possible, and when I have a moment to myself I am usually so exhausted I go to bed. Well, not anymore. Now I will blog — because I have lots to say. Will you read me? Well, let’s hope it gets more interesting than this!

Tags: books & writing, family & parenting by Amy Boshnack
15 Comments »

An article in the Chicago Tribune has me chuckling this morning. It seems that law makers in Nebraska got more than they bargained for when passing recent ‘Safe Harbor’ legislation designed to protect unwanted newborns.

Parents are abandoning teenagers at Nebraska hospitals, in a case of a well intentioned law inspiring unintended results.

Over the last two weeks, moms or dads have dropped off seven teens at hospitals in the Cornhusker state, indicating they didn’t want to care for them any more.

While this latest snafu by law-makers shouldn’t really shock anyone, I am sure it is raising a few eyebrows. Those on the right will be grinding their teeth and muttering about Family Values and the destruction of the traditional family unit while secretly wondering if they can talk their mistresses in to relocating, while those on the left will surely be cheering the ‘alternative parenting model that frees parents to reach new heights of self-actualization’ or some such tripe.

I think this whole situation is hilarious. Parents who would give up the kids probably shouldn’t have had them in the first place and the kids will be better off out of a home where they are not wanted. Plus it is sure to give the elected officials many sleepless nights, and that is never a bad thing for politicians.

Meanwhile, parents across the nation who are feeling overwhelmed when dealing with recalcitrant teens can be heard yelling, “One more outburst like that and we are moving to Nebraska!”

Tags: family & parenting, on the law by David "Preacher" Slocum
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Barbie’s new S&M look has whipped up a storm — with protestors dubbing it “filth.” A religious group, the Christian Voice, has been quoted as saying, “this is taking it too far. A children’s doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible — it’s filth.” [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, trusted media & news by Helen Cates
2 Comments »

When I have it in abundance there is no moderation. I’m an addict. I drink one, then another, and another until it is gone within a few hours. I can’t even begin to fathom the amount of money I have spent on it over the years. Now it seems my children have inherited my addiction. We buy by the case. Multiple cases, actually — in three or four different flavors. [Read more →]

Tags: diatribes, family & parenting by Jody Lane
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