I recently got an iPad for me and my girlfriend. Our laptop was on its way out and we have a new desktop that works perfectly. I didn’t want to get another laptop so I settled in the middle and got the iPad since all we really wanted was easy access to the Internet when we were lounging around. I’m not going to lie. This thing is awesome. They have apps for everything. I’m pretty sure there’s an app that will tie your shoes and do your laundry for you — for just $9.99! Anyway, all was going well with our new toy. We bought a fresh black case for it and a screen protector. We’re careful about where we put it — ya know, the way you are with your baby the first few weeks of its life. And then it happened. [Read more →]

Tags: going parental, technology by Jaclyn Roth
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A group calling itself the Jerks Who Want to Tell You How to Raise Your Kids Because Your Kids are Obviously Too Stupid to Think for Themselves Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood filed a petition with the Federal Communications Commission complaining about a new show called “Zevo-3,” which is about a bunch of superheroes who wear shoes.

They’re not complaining about the fact that the show promotes an unhealthy view of the world by suggesting that all kids need to succeed is superpowers (think about what that will do to the self-esteem of the literally thousands of children who go without superpowers every day); no, what they’re in an uproar about is the fact that these totally unrealistic superhero characters wear a specific brand of shoe. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, television by Ricky Sprague
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It’s important that you know this about me: My kid plays up.

I remember those early days, when she was I guess four, when we first joined the town club team. She was running around with the other kids, and I could tell she had it. She needed more. She needed to play with the five-year-olds. As a good parent, I was restless watching her out there with the average kids. I recognized that having fun with her friends wouldn’t be enough. I told her everything she needed to do every second of every game. And I know she heard me, because I said it nice and loud. But we still weren’t getting results. So I moved her up. [Read more →]

Tags: sports, virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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That’s right! It happened. And I didn’t do it! James Jones boarded his daughter’s school bus in an attempt to put an end to the bullying his daughter suffered at the hands of some snot nose punks. Check out the video, it’s crazy. Now listen, we all know this isn’t appropriate behavior but let’s be honest — we’ve all wanted to do it. My daughter is only 4 and I’ve already experienced this feeling. This poor guy’s daughter is fifteen and has cerebral palsy. These little douche bag bullies put an open condom on her head, smacked her in the back of the head, twisted her ears and shouted rude comments at her, multiple times. All I’d be thinking is, “those kids are fucking dead!” But see that’s the difference. I’d be thinking it. James Jones went out and did something about it. Dude’s got brass ones. [Read more →]

Tags: going parental, on the law by Jaclyn Roth
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Like many adults, I left Toy Story 3 a little sniffly. As I drove home and tried to uncover the source of my maudlin mood — my three kids were not helping encourage this analytical state — I realized how much I was struck by the play scenes that open and close the movie. In both scenes (no spoiler alert needed here, by the way) a child is immersed in play with a variety of different toys, assigning roles based on their own plot. Mr. Potato Head is a villain. Cowgirl and spaceman dolls work together. Monkeys from a Barrel of Monkeys have their own part. A cardboard box is a major prop. Even a piggy bank is a character. [Read more →]

Tags: technology, virtual children by Scott Warnock by Scott Warnock
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Today is my daughter’s first day of Pre-K. I can’t even really call it her first day because she goes for an hour and I have to stay with her. When the hell did this become my first day of school? This is horse shit. My kid’s been going to some sort of all day progam/nursery school since she was two. She doesn’t need me hanging around watching her introduce herself to the all the nanny-bred kids who have never spent a day away from home. It’s not my fault that she’s going to walk right in there stoked and good to go. She’s already annoyed that I’m not just dropping her off and picking her up in the afternoon. Even she thinks this is stupid [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental by Jaclyn Roth
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By now, this article has been completely ripped apart, picked apart, debated, agreed with and utterly denounced. At this point I’ve read “All Joy And No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting,” and I have to say — what a total piece of shit.

I don’t know anything about the writer and to be honest I made no attempt at learning a thing about her because I wouldn’t waste my time.

Listen — you don’t want to have kids? More power to you. But those of you who go out there, get married and have kids — and then blame all of your problems on the fact that you had kids — are total assholes. You’re selfish, ego-maniacal douchebags. And deep down, I think you know it. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, trusted media & news by Jaclyn Roth
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Becoming a mother was a life-changing experience for me. And not in the super fake, “parenthood is magical, it is a gift, a miracle and yes, I am over the moon and my child is the most beautiful, sweet, magical baby in the world” kind of way. (Yes, I’m talking to you, Bethenny Frankel, even though I love you and the housewives.) Rather, motherhood changed my life in that it completely shifted the way I perceived other women.

[Read more →]

Tags: advice, family & parenting by Nancy DeGregorio
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‘Tis the season to go to amusement parks and scare ourselves silly with ridiculous roller coaster drops and rides that spin around so fast your face gets spread out like a pancake. I love rides and have never met one that I wouldn’t try. In fact, on my very first date with my husband we went to a fair and I wanted to go on the Zipper so bad that I told him I would go on without him. I thought he was just being a wussy. Well, he sucked up his lack of excitement for the ride and went on it with me. Later that night, when his pounding headache was too much to hide, he explained that during a childhood accident his left ear drum shattered, leaving him with poor equilibrium (and no hearing in that ear) — he isn’t allowed to scuba dive, etc. Have you ever seen the Zipper? This isn’t a ride for someone with poor equilibrium. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, family & parenting by Amy Boshnack
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10. They gave you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug, but they crossed out ‘Greatest’ and wrote in ‘Largest.’

9. They’ve sent several anonymous letters to the Arizona legislature concerning your immigration status.

8. They save the term ‘Daddy’ for the FedEx guy.

7. They bought you a toaster and claim it’s “shower safe.”

6. They bought you a recently caught Gulf Coast trout.

5. Their nickname for you is ‘The Sperm Donor’.

4. They tell everyone they’re adopted, and their real dad is a homeless alcoholic.

3. They bought their mother The Big Book of Divorce Attorneys.

2. They keep telling neighborhood gangs you have the ability to catch bullets with your bare hands.

1. For Father’s Day, they gave you a Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy Kit.
 

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

Tags: Bob Sullivan's top ten everything, ends & odd, family & parenting by Bob Sullivan
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It’s been windy every day since I moved into this little lavender house. The tiny tree in the backyard bangs on my bedroom wall all day with its one stretchy awkward branch. It is clearly reaching out and growing crooked to drive me nuts. The old house is gone, sold, and I didn’t think to pack tree-trimming tools.

No cable and no wifi has left me a lot of time with my thoughts. This must be what life was like in the old timey days. I should be reading or painting the walls or writing a frigging book, or at the very least unpacking. But, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around anything for more than a moment. Everyone wants to know how the new house is and I say it’s great. And I say I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine. And I’m not fine. And, of course, I am essentially, because I actually believe that I will be eventually. But, for now, I cry a lot. [Read more →]

Tags: ends & odd, family & parenting by Van McO
2 Comments »

A lot of my friends have been complaining to me about their husbands lately. The stories all sort of blur together and it seems as though most of them (the husbands in question) do the same dumb shit. Now — we all know I don’t have a husband. And for those of you who didn’t know that bit of information — now you do. So you may wonder what qualifies me to even create such a top ten. It’s simple — for all intents and purposes, I am a wife and I have a wife — I’m the perfect person for the job. [Read more →]

Tags: advice, family & parenting, going parental by Jaclyn Roth
9 Comments »

A 27-year-old woman pregnant with her fifth child walks into a Catholic hospital on the verge of death. At 11 weeks into her pregnancy she is told that the baby must be aborted or they will both surely die. The hospital administrator, a nun, is forced to make a fast and life-changing decision. She allows the abortion to take place in order to save the mother’s life. When Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted caught wind of what had happened, he declared that she was instantly excommunicated, claiming “you can’t do evil, to bring about good.”

I’m having a hard time focusing on which part of this story bothers me the most. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that at 27, this woman is pregnant with her fifth child, or that the nun who OK’d the medical procedure to save the woman’s life was excommunicated from the church — instantly — while it is a known fact that not a single priest credibly accused of molesting children has ever been excommunicated. Her actions saved a woman’s life — a mother of four. While the accused Priests’ actions have destroyed thousands.

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, religion & philosophy by Jaclyn Roth
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Children lie. Not all the time, and not all children. But many experiment with what lies they can get away with. Really, it is when they are children that they learn the differences between right and wrong. Between white lies and something much, much worse — and that not only are there consequences for their actions but also, that the things they do affect other people. Well, what do you do when an 8-year-old girl accuses a 10 and an 11-year-old boy of rape? [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, on the law by Amy Boshnack
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This has potential to be a touchy subject. Anyone out there with a kid or a pet is guilty of over-texting photos of said children to friends and family. I do not purport to be innocent of this heinous and irritating crime. I do, however, try to capture moments that are funny or extraordinarily cute if it’s an image I plan to send. Here’s an example of what I consider text-worthy:

[Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental, technology by Jaclyn Roth
7 Comments »

Today is Mother’s Day, and what better way to celebrate my mom than by comparing her to others who fall short? Here are five famous (or infamous) mothers whose DNA I am grateful I do not share. [Read more →]

Tags: art & entertainment, family & parenting by Meg Boyle
4 Comments »

Many of you may not know this, but today is Mother’s Day. “What is this ‘Mother’s Day that you speak of?” you may ask. Well, let me tell you.

Mother’s Day has its roots in Ancient Greece which had a “festival to Cybele, a great mother of Greek gods.” (Encyclopædia Britannica (1959) Vol.15, p. 849). Just as a side note, that was quoted from Wikipedia and not off the top of my head. It’s not like I know EVERYTHING. So anyway, the Greeks invented it and, their current economic decisions notwithstanding, it was a good call for a number of reasons. Mother’s Day is the number one day to dine out in the US. That means that the Golden Corral/Western Sizzlin’/or some other trough feeding frenzy establishment in NC will be even busier than usual. According to the aforementioned Oracle of Knowledge (wiki), Americans will spend about 2 and a half billion (with a B) dollars on flowers and more than 1 and a half billion (with a B) on gifts like spa treatments. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting by Jeffrey Maryak
1 Comment »

My son came home the other night and said Ms. Joanne (his pre-school teacher) taught him a new song. He started to sing. My husband almost had a coronary. You see, Ms. Joanne taught him the Mets theme song, “Meet the Mets.” I thought it was funny. My husband looked like someone had just stabbed him in the heart. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, sports by Amy Boshnack
7 Comments »

Larry Greene, a NYC man, was arraigned this past Wednesday on a second-degree murder charge after fatally punching his 7-month-old son. SEVEN. MONTHS. OLD. “Toughen up!” That’s what he yelled as he struck this tiny, crying, helpless child. He could face 25 years to life in prison if convicted. If convicted? He admitted to doing it. And do you know why he said he did it? According to The Inquisitr he (allegedly) told investigators that “he was jealous because the infant was more attached to the mother than to him.” Raise your hand if you have deep-seeded mommy issues! Come on, Larry. Let’s see that hand you sick bastard. [Read more →]

Tags: family & parenting, going parental by Jaclyn Roth
3 Comments »

Pedophiles across the UK today mourned the loss of the Paedo bikini as it was removed from the shelves of discount clothing store Primark. Padded bikini tops for kids as young as seven? Really? That’s just disgusting. What is wrong with people? Why would anyone in their right mind want to sexualize a child by helping them appear busty at the age of seven? SEVEN! I’m glad Primark succumbed to the pressure to remove the bikinis, but really? How about a knee to the nuts of the company that manufactured them in the first place? Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the conference room where these sick bastards brainstormed ways to market this disgusting product. I wonder how many of them, if any, have daughters. Douche bags.

Tags: family & parenting, fashion & clothing by Jaclyn Roth
2 Comments »