New TV shows approved by the FCC

Scott Stein,

Your Job’s in Jeopardy!

This updated version of the classic game show asks contestants to identify real quotes from political figures and activists. If they answer correctly, their employer fires them.

 

The Tonight Show

Each night, a talk-show host tousles the hair of a different fascist to humanize them as they list all the people they will throw in jail for disagreeing with them or being the wrong ethnicity.

 

Patriot Squad

A two-phase reality show that follows the valiant efforts of real patriots who 1) scour the social media posts of teachers, librarians, bus drivers, and hairdressers looking for any sign of a conscience, and 2) send them DMs and leave voicemail filled with racist slurs and threatening them with sexual assault.

 

Narco-Terrorist Island

Residents who fail to enthusiastically praise the president are voted off the island and must leave in small fishing boats that are immediately determined to be trafficking drugs and then blown up by the military.

 

Beat the Professor

A quiz show that pits ordinary, true-blooded Americans against an elite academic in their area of expertise. Every time the professor answers correctly, contestants get to punch them in the stomach. The lightning round gives contestants a stun gun.

 

Scott Stein

Scott Stein's most recent novels are The Great American Deception, which received a starred review from Publishers Weekly, and The Great American Betrayal, which Vulture.com named one of "The Best Comedy Books of 2022." His older novels are Lost and Mean Martin Manning and his short satire and fiction have been published in The Oxford University Press Humor Reader, McSweeney's,The G.W. Review, Points in Case, Liberty, National Review, and Art Times. He is a professor of English at Drexel University. His author site is scottsteinonline.com and you can find him on Bluesky at sstein.bsky.social.
television