It’s nearly the end of the year, and you know what that means: lists. And ferret-wrestling matches, though I don’t want to get into that now. No, the end of the year is a time when we look back, and compile lists of things. And happenings. And celebrity deaths. Usually ordered backwards, though in the case of the famous the lists are usually ordered by cultural importance or the number of original teeth the celebrity had at their death.

This year there is an extra impetus for list making, as we reach the end of (what many people consider to be) the end of a decade. I still think the first decade of this century should be called the “naughties”, but I’m willing to admit it never caught on, even if it’s brilliant, and the World Wide Ferret-Wrestling Federation (WWFWF) endorsed its usage.

However, this surfeit of lists is a little trying for those of us who are tired of them, and I would like to suggest that in lieu of having to look at many different lists, we all just agree on one super-list to which we can refer if we feel like looking at a list. It will save time and money.

More importantly, I think we can all agree the proliferation of lists is annoying, and here is why:

10) Lists are incapable of expressing irony.
9) Making other people feel they should read Ulysses is pretentious and may lead to the reading of Proust.
8) Actually reading Ulysses is even worse.
7) Counting backwards is difficult.
6) Lists lead to people compiling books of lists, which is doubly annoying.
5) Is always filler.
4) Too many sentence fragments.
3) Countdowns lead one to expect that a rocket will be launched. But no rocket is launched.
2) Casablanca.
1) Is usually a huge letdown.

Now we can all concentrate on the ferret wrestling. Go Bitey “The Tongue” Joe!

Photo of Bitey “The Tongue” Joe by Bronia Sawyer.

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