Dear Ruby,
My 12 year old daughter is back in school and this girl (let’s call her Becky) who she’s been hanging around with all summer is now completely blowing her off! I feel so bad for my daughter and I’m really angry at Becky, who I’ve been driving to parties and feeding meals to all summer, basically treating her like a member of the family.

Would it be out of line to say something to her when I see her at school? I volunteer once a week or so and I feel very awkward and like I want to call her out on her snotty behavior. She’s always polite to me.

Mom on Warpath

Dear MOW,
Involving yourself in this middle school drama will bite you on the ass — probably before the end of the school day — in 5 steps or less.

1. If you say boo to Becky, she will immediately tell as many people as she possibly can. It is the most interesting thing that has happened to her all day.
2. Her story will continue to spread around and around, evolving and devolving, until it inevitably reaches adults (faculty, staff, and parents) in some unrecognizable form.
3. When you think about it, there’s a good chance that this is the most interesting thing that’s happened to anyone, in or out of 7th grade, all day. Adults who hear about it will also most likely gossip. Theories about the incident will range from A) thinking you’re making a big mistake getting involved in middle school drama, to B) thinking you’re unstable and crazy and shouldn’t be allowed to wander around the school talking to their kids, to C) thinking you’re being mean to Becky (whose parents will likely end up either irritated, indignant, or full-out inflamed). No matter what, they’re going to look at you weird, forever. Forget getting elected to School Board.
4. Becky’s story about your encounter will also, of course, swiftly get back to your daughter, who, despite your shining intentions, will be mortified. Mor. Ti. Fied.
5. As a result, your daughter’s social standing will sustain catastrophic damage from which she may never recover. Seriously, we’re talking 12-year olds. They can’t remember where their sock drawer is, but they will never forget back in 7th grade when Becky got yelled at by somebody’s mom. Who’s mom was that, again? Oh, yeah, hers. Your daughter will surely laugh about it some day . . . to her therapist.

I understand the temptation to pull Becky aside in the hall for some choice words about loyalty and kindness and peer pressure, maybe topped off with a good, hard pinch. But it won’t do any good, MOW. Becky will either grow up and out of her deep snot stage or she’ll continue to mince hatefully toward the shallow pool from which reality show participants are drawn.

It’s out of your hands, like middle school drama, like faculty lounge gossip, and sadly soon, like your growing girl. Take her horseback riding, buy her a better phone, make some brownies, teach her how to use a Bedazzler–make her and yourself feel a little better. Don’t worry too much; next week it will be something completely different.

Mean girls picking on you? Tell Ruby all about it.

* Oh, my God, you can’t believe what Mrs. Jones just said to me! [Texting translation provided by Lingo2Word]

Advice for the Rest of Us appears every Friday (lol)

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