Dear Jon Stewart, your younger brother traumatized me…
Dear Jon Stewart:
This letter is more a written confession than typical correspondence for I have done you wrong. I have questioned your supreme leadership of Comedy Central news satire.
Let me explain.
For some time people have been annoyed by my repeated mention of Did you know Jon Stewart went to my high-school? or Did you know we bought a house off Jon Stewart’s parent/step-parent? “Yes, yes, you said that already,” they would intone, “now let me watch the show”. But it is true! I remember your younger step-brother’s video game addiction. I remember him playing Splatter House and being shocked at the sight of countless bloodied heads flying to the horizon, wacked from their necks by the hero’s baseball bat. It was crazy. Despite now having an immobilizing fear of baseball, I think I’m about over it and have managed to keep from mimicking this behavior.
Sometimes I’d finish Did I mention I went to the same high-school as Jon Stewart? with He’s better than Colbert, that spry new South Carolinean pup. But, here comes the confession: recently I’ve taken a shine to Colbert, and for this I apologize.
“Why apologize?” you with your god-like humility might ask, “Colbert is a talented guy. I hired him after all.” No, there is need! You deserve respect for a career of intelligent entertainment and comedic insight. You deserve more than respect, you deserve unquestioning devotion and loyalty for ten years of the Daily Show, for that Crossfire appearance (that was the shit), and for Half Baked (well, maybe not so much). You deserve a holiday in your honor!
At first I planned to have Lawrenceville High renamed “Jon Stewart High”, but let’s start small. I’m thinking an annual Jon Stewart Day at Lawrence High. I will fight to make this happen until my wrists get carpal tunnel from the typing, until LHS blacklists me and locks me in their secret dungeon, until my eyes bleed from pouring over necessary legal documents by candle light, or until I get really bored.
We will prevail and thanks for reading,
Tyler Samien
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Petition to Lawrenceville High
http://www.gopetition.com/online/29680.html
We, the present and past students of Lawrence High along with other supporters of the cause, would like to have January 11th officially designated as Jon Stewart Day at Lawrence High School.
Stewart graduated from Lawrence High third in his class in1980 and was voted “best sense of humor”. He has since gone on to a brilliant and influential career as a comedian. His sardonic, but educated, comedic presence represents Americans everywhere. He has acted in feature films and published multiple books including Naked Pictures of Famous People which appeared on the New York Times Bestseller list. He is founder of Busboy Productions, has hosted the Oscars and Grammy’s on multiple occasions, and whether he admits it or not, has influenced America’s zeitgeist through political and cultural satire.
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Give Jon Stewart a holiday at Lawrence High!
Sign the petition here! Spread the word.
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